Still, I couldn’t do it…

I tried my really really really best today, but I failed…

I couldn’t take it when I met my new classmates officially for the first time in semester 2!

I almost broke down, I wanted to gave up because fitting in was very tough

As usual, I started text-messaging my friends and taking every opportunity to keep my eyes on the screen and “pretended” to be busy so that I could cook up an excuse for myself that I was busy to allow me to avoid socializing.

Definitely, I am an anti-socialize, introvert, shy, inert , pessimistic girl!

I rather be alone, confined to my own world, doing my own things than to make new friends.

The last thing that I liked to do is making new friends because it’s extremely difficult for me to adapt to new faces, people and trying to figure out whether they are good people or mean and evil people that will hurt me again…

Yes, I don’t trust people that easily, especially guys, I don’t really want and I am not willing to make friends with them, for I am afraid of being hurt. (the more friendly they are to be, the more I would want to distant myself away…)

Truthfully, I do feel guilty at times for being so bad at them when they are trying to be nice, friendly and welcoming but I just couldn’t help myself…

I kept telling myself that “Shiyun, it’s just a show, imagine that you are in drama class now and your role is to be a sociable, friendly classmate on your way to meet new classmates and to know them better…”

But still… I couldn’t do it!

No matter how much my close friends are right there behind me, supporting me, encouraging me, telling me that I could do it, I still couldn’t do it…

The past flashes keeps taunting me, and the last time it happened, I told myself that I will protect myself no matter what it takes to prevent it from happening and hurting myself ever again…

Till then…I’ve been taking ages to judge and scan through a person thoroughly before giving them the green light be become my friend…

Part 2 of Poly Life…

As said, I’m a total retard in polytechnic year 2, it must have been a miracle to be able to survive till this stage…

Friends all gone, ex-classmates met their new friends, and as for me… I’m still alone, alone and alone…

Projects are also popping up soon, one after another starting week 2, and I’m still clueless and group-less, because I hate group projects and I don’t understand what’s the importance of group projects when I can score better in doing individuals.

I survived SSM so far except for the fact that I have to buy an IDIOTIC NUDE COLOURED BRA because I don’t have ONE! (I hate nudes because they look really ugly and life-less)

I’m getting used to braces and that I’m able to resume nearly 80% of my eating habits and sometimes, I do even forget that I’ve got braces on my teeth.

Now, the big problem that lies ahead is,


I know you would say that I’m pessimistic and that miracles would happen, let me tell you that, miracles only happens once in a million years, and I would not be that lucky person.

I don’t know if I should start cursing and swearing over year 2 and the new class and classmates because…

I’ve got into this Business Chinese & PRC Culture, and that lessons are in Chinese and I get to learn about exciting history of China that Mr Wu only finished it halfway through…

Best of all, I’m going to be able to speak in Chinese, and the group presentation is in Chinese too!


If only I was born a guy…

You see, being a guy isn’t that bad after all, RIGHT?

You get to enjoy many special privileges and enjoyment…

Like being paid more than girls, when it comes to the working world…

OR, when you don’t have long queues in your toilet when you are superURGENT!

Not only that, you don’t have that wardrobe disaster and crazy-frenzy when you ran out of clothes to wear or not sure which top to pair with which bottom…

All that guys could wear is just limited, like t-shirts, shirts, jeans, capris and shorts, maybe?

I don’t know, I think that being a guy is so much carefree than being a girl.

Plus, guys do not need to put on make-up, style your hair as much as girls, wear heels, have menses, getting pregnant and all those blablablabla…(because the list continues on…)

Well, I know that being a guy, you have to go through 2 years of army training, it isn’t that bad though, for you can take it as a keep fit programme that’s specially designed and planned for you to have six packs.

And the last thing, that I really wished is to be able to survived through SSM, with all those thick make-up like super duper red lipstick, foundations, gel and hair spray and clog shoes.

I’m praying so badly that my skin doesn’t gets itchy after putting on make-up for a really long period of time from 8am-4pm, if my eczema acts up again, I’m going to be so doomed…

Back to the topic, being a guy is still so much better in this realistic world, for eventually, no matter how much globalization and evolution that has taken place, in one way or another, there’s still some part of the world where there’s gender discrimination against the females…

The Vlog Launch Specially dedicated for Baby!

Since, I was really bored this holiday,which has gone by in a flash, I’ve recorded my little cat, Baby’s naughty actions.

He loves tossing over here and there and well, he’s adorable and sweet.

Thus, this video is specially for him and well, be sure to catch it!

(The background music didn’t really fit for it’s in Chinese and I was talking in English, it’s kind of weird but, I did that in a rush, so sorry about that)

The newly crowned, Ms Brace Face!


So, after a series of shits popping out one after another, I managed to get braces on, for my lower jaw only…

Simply because my extraction site for my upper jaw wasn’t healing as expected, the orthodontist said that we’ll give my upper jaw a month’s time to heal.

And, he used “organic glue” to stick the brackets on to each of my tooth, (the glue was freaking bitter because some of the excess got stuck to my lips) then he use the wire and I secured it on with grey ligatures to the brackets.

I was expecting to be able to pick my own colours…but my orthodontist said that it wasn’t possible till 6 weeks later because my front 4 incisors and 2 canines were all overly crowded, and had to “make space” by pulling the 2 canines back to the holes where my former premolars used to stay.

Thus, I’m stuck with the grey ligatures for another 6 weeks! It look really ugly because I never liked the colour GREY!

The pain is like acting up every now and then especially for the front set of teeth and they felt like they were being subjected to lots of pressure and when I brushed them, they felt very stiff and hard.

Well, food gets stuck everywhere and are hard to take out especially when my extraction sites aren’t healing, it just add on to more food being stuck to my teeth.

It looks really disgusting and cleaning them takes a whole lot of effort and patience to get it cleaned and shiny…

Aesthetically, I have no problems of being a brace face because I love how braces is on my teeth, sort of like christmas tree with pretty decorations, it makes me teeth more stunning, in a way. (It will definitely be more pretty when I get to pick my own colours!)

Anyway, braces really requires high maintenance for they are sort of fragile and well, having to keep them cleaned is one major problem… and that makes me refuse to shove food in my mouth because I’m afraid of dirtying my braces. (It’s sounds silly but, that’s really how I felt.)

I do hope that the pain will go away soon, and I’ll be able to pick my colours soon, and I’ll start admiring them in the mirror… LOL!

Spacers Aka. Separators

It’s been 5 day since I had spacers on, and soon, I’ll have them removed.

So, it wasn’t as bad as lots of people mentioned on youtube and blogs.

It was a little painful on the 2nd and 3rd day, especially when you chew, so I had to eat really really soft food.

Then, by today, it’s not so painful, so I could actually had food like pastas, toast, grilled dory.

Most importantly, I hadn’t had a single drop of milo nor cocoa, because they stains on teeth and it’s really hard to clean they off…

Well, the most uncomfortable part so far, are the holes filled with blood clot, for they are one major nuisance as I’ve got to be careful that the clot doesn’t fall off due to me sucking or touching it accidentally (if not, it’ll start bleeding again).

Also, with that idiotic holes, saliva keeps escaping through there, and I can’t use a straw to drink, because air escapes from the hole!

Other the holes, brushing wasn’t an issue although I take a longer time to brush than usual and talking because not so clear because the saliva keeps escaping.

Soon I guess, I’ll have the spacers removed, and I’ll kinda miss them because I love the blue!

It’s like baby blue, and it’s pretty in my mouth, I LOVE IT!

I don’t know if it’s still me, OR…

Sometimes, I just feel so bizarre…

Like there’s a kid trapped inside this adult and fully developed body,

OR maybe, it’s a kid born with an adult body…

I don’t know, it just feels really weird and abnormal.

I feel like sometimes, I’m not suppose to know all these stuffs, but curiosity just strikes.

And sometimes, I just can’t seem to catch up with the fact that I’m turning 18 soon, going to be an adult, friends around me getting a boyfriend, married and even my cousins going to army and having a girlfriend, everyone’s changing to be leading an adult’s life.

Everything seems to be coming too quickly and I can’t seem to be able to accept that I’m in college when my time had just paused since I graduated from high school and getting my O’level results.

Many of my friends around me have told me that I talk and act in a coquettish manner just like a little girl.

I have no idea how this happens because I’m trying to control myself learning to be  like a lady, act like a lady, walk like a lady, dine like a lady, and the more I do it, the more “weird” and “kiddy” behaviour just popped out of me for no reason.

And, the last time that I knew was that I had to stop all these “撒娇” actions because my parents don’t fall for it and I was like their puppets letting them manipulate my life because I’m still a kid (as what they claimed).

Plus, secondary school classmates said that these actions were really annoying like “你好像永远长不大,忸忸怩怩的,看了都恶心” and these got irritated by me which turned me into an outcast…

That was when I had to really forced myself to become matured quickly before losing all my friends and not letting my parents manipulate my life ever…

It just feels so horrible trying to mature faster than anyone do, and then facing with like money problems, making myself fall into “large debts” because of braces, pursuing a perfect smile and paying my own phone bills when these are what parents should provide in supposedly, in Singapore.

You know what?

Sometimes, I just wished that I could start everything over again, maybe things might not turn out to be this way, but nonetheless, all these had become reality and it’s impossible to rewrite history…

It’s the 1st April…


First of all, Happy April Fools Day!

Have you played a prank on your friends today?

Well, today was the one of my best day in this holiday!

So, I met with my BFF and it was ages since we last met.

And we went to City Plaza, you know, it’s at Paya Lebar area, where there’s lots of hookers…

But, we got a few cheap stash and good deals there! (thank you Budget Barbie for introducing that place!)

Also, we sort of met Bobby Tonelli, Joanne Peh’s boyfriend at 98.7fm…and I only saw his back view…LOL!

Oh! And not forgetting, Cold Stone Creamery!

It was really really really nice!

It’s my first visit there and I didn’t know that place existed, (ok, I’m like a “sua-ku” singaporean) and Siru helped me with my order just in case I don’t embarrass myself. Hehehe!

And then, I ordered Berry Berry Berry Berry…Good!

It’s just sweet cream ice-cream with lots of berries! Yum-alicious!

After that little indulgence, we headed back home with a little bit of a disappointment because there wasn’t really a flea at *Scape!

Anyway, I love the ice-cream so-so-so much!