Still, I couldn’t do it…

I tried my really really really best today, but I failed…

I couldn’t take it when I met my new classmates officially for the first time in semester 2!

I almost broke down, I wanted to gave up because fitting in was very tough

As usual, I started text-messaging my friends and taking every opportunity to keep my eyes on the screen and “pretended” to be busy so that I could cook up an excuse for myself that I was busy to allow me to avoid socializing.

Definitely, I am an anti-socialize, introvert, shy, inert , pessimistic girl!

I rather be alone, confined to my own world, doing my own things than to make new friends.

The last thing that I liked to do is making new friends because it’s extremely difficult for me to adapt to new faces, people and trying to figure out whether they are good people or mean and evil people that will hurt me again…

Yes, I don’t trust people that easily, especially guys, I don’t really want and I am not willing to make friends with them, for I am afraid of being hurt. (the more friendly they are to be, the more I would want to distant myself away…)

Truthfully, I do feel guilty at times for being so bad at them when they are trying to be nice, friendly and welcoming but I just couldn’t help myself…

I kept telling myself that “Shiyun, it’s just a show, imagine that you are in drama class now and your role is to be a sociable, friendly classmate on your way to meet new classmates and to know them better…”

But still… I couldn’t do it!

No matter how much my close friends are right there behind me, supporting me, encouraging me, telling me that I could do it, I still couldn’t do it…

The past flashes keeps taunting me, and the last time it happened, I told myself that I will protect myself no matter what it takes to prevent it from happening and hurting myself ever again…

Till then…I’ve been taking ages to judge and scan through a person thoroughly before giving them the green light be become my friend…

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