Zero Relationship

I know many teens of my age have been in a relationship for at least one time and the tiny fraction of them who hasn’t mainly because they aren’t attractive enough, high expectations, too busy or bisexual. (I am not trying discriminate anyone but rather stating the facts)

As for me, I haven’t been in a single relationship before nor have I went on first date before.Β 

Perhaps at this point in time, if you are a frequent reader of my wordpress, I guess you would be shocked by it. Possibly, you might be even doubting me or thinking that I am lying or kidding.

Well, I am serious about it and neither have I lied about my dating experience. It is really zero!Β 

Many people have been asking me about my past relationship experience and when I tell them truthfully that I never had any before, none would actually believe in what I said and I had to spend lots of effort trying to convince them what I said was nothing but the truth.

They always say that I look cute and why I don’t have a boyfriend or never been on a date before.

The reason being is simple, I haven’t found the right guy or haven’t met the guy that would give me a good reason to go out on a date with.

Looking good, being able to dress up and doll myself up doesn’t implies that I am bound to have a boyfriend.

I care about how I look, how I portray myself to the world, to the public and therefore I doll up and dress well to look good. It’s not about trying to attract any guys or for that special someone which I think it’s a little silly to change yourself for someone, unless he is your lawful husband then I shall keep my mouth zipped.

Also, some may ask if my expectations were to high, and well, I think it is more like I can’t meet the expectations that most guys want and therefore I rather choose to be single?

For example, Most guys expect girls to text-message them daily and possibly several times a day that includes asking them what are they doing, where they are, who are they with, etc.

Personally, I am not the kind of person who can stand such sort of “care and concern” from a guy. Maybe because since young, my parents have never cared about me, my well-being where I am, who I am with. Now, I am so used to having no one to care about me nor being concerned about my well-being thus, I couldn’t stand all these questioning. I find them more of irritating although I know that they meant well and it’s a form of a guy showing his care for his girl.

I guess I would prefer to have less frequent questionings and not to text-message so often because I always feel that distance makes the heart yearns and keeps the relationship burning as when you don’t meet nor chat with each other, misses will grow stronger and intense and the next time you meet him/her, you would cherish that moment even more. That’s what I feel that keeps relationship alive and exciting.

I know it is hard to find a guy nowadays who agree with my way of thinking, but I chose to believe that someday such a guy would appear.

I MISS HER

It’s the first of July today.

She’s been in the hospital for 2 months plus already, nearing to 3 months.Β 

I feel so helpless, not being able to do anything.

I miss her so badly.

As much as I want her to talk to me and nag at me again, she can’t anymore.Β 

She’s in ICU, relying heavily on machine to help her breathe and on strong painkiller to take away the pain, causing her to be in a drowsy stage where she no longer recognise us whenever we visit her.

Her eyeball no longer move much, she non-responsive like a vegetable and all she do it to able her eyes and stare in space.

It’s really saddening to see her in such stage, the healthy and once-naggy grandma who have been my playmate, my companion and my chef no longer response to me.

Doctors aren’t optimistic about her condition and she is losing a considerable huge percentage of the lungs function.

Also, if grandma’s condition should not improve within this week, they might just let her go.

They say that letting her go will relief her pain, but I love her so much, I can’t bear to let her go.

Seeing her breathe is what makes me feel that there is someone who loves me…