These guilt came rushing towards my heart like opening up a dam with strong trapped currents. From the cold icy heart with no feelings about others, to a sudden ignite of flaming guilt, guilty over what I’ve done. I know, partly, I was a little way to cruel.
Maybe a little or maybe a whole lot more, all I wanted was to make myself feel a little happier, even if it meant to break your heart. Meeting you was my honour, blessing and a joy. Keeping me company through my toughest times made me the luckiest girl in the world because I knew you would always be there to lend me that broad shoulders of yours to lean on.
A good listener, is probably the best characteristics in you that made me fascinated and kept me staying. I loved how much you would always listen to my problems, worries and thoughts even if you had a long day.
I know I could have done better, but I failed and I am sincerely apologetic about it.
Weeks passed and those smiles on my face started fading away as I started to realize how stressful I was being with you. Uncontrollably, I started drowning myself with alcohol, to be able to relive the moment of freedom, just for the night. That first breath of fresh air, kept me addicted. It made me wanted more, to regain my freedom..but, I didn’t have the heart to do it.
For all I wanted to was just take a break, but you forbided me to. And I struggled in attempts of escaping. It started worsening as you got emotional, all that threats you made every three four days, about insisting on this(once a free) bird to make a decision. I couldn’t.
It became a threat.
Threats came in every now and then to the extent it became an annoyance, an irritable factor that ruin everything. Also, it became my strength of courage, and I made a bold decision, a decisive one. Right on the night where you started those threats again. It was just a sudden outburst, everything came to an end. I knew I hit my tolerance. That’s it.
I needed my freedom back. The cost of my freedom came at the expense of your broken heart and all that you’ve put it. I am happier once more, and yes, I was selfish. Even with all the final attempts that came from your sad soul, I did not relented. Neither did I turn back. I made a firm decision, and never would I undo it. Call me heartless.
*I weep, in tears of sadness and relief.*