I’m living because they wanted me to.
I’m living because they said I can’t die (not supposed to).
I’m living because they cared about me.
However, I can’t feel any of those care.
I’m numbed and living an aimless life that they told me to, to stay alive for their sake.
I just couldn’t get it why is everyone telling me to live on, and not encourage me to give up?
My life is meaningless and worthless, I can’t find a good reason to live on.
For the sake of myself?
If living on was for the sake of myself, for the sake of a bright future or for the beautiful things that may come, I will choose to give all these up. Why look into the future when you are in the present and stuck in this torturous cage up world with no options of escape?
People don’t understand the situation and can never understand how mentally tiring is it everyday enduring all the mean things that flows out from their devilish mouth and the sickening mental abuse that you have to be receiving daily.
I feel like a prisoner, a disgrace in the house. Someone worthless and only given freedom in her own room, within that four pathetic walls. Walking around and seeing them, my head is always down, avoiding their eyes or glances. I am just a weed, an utterly poor wretched which should be long gone for good.
I just need to build up more courage, a good motivating power to give me the strength to end everything.
Where is it?