In search for the “exit” sign.

Hi.

I probably hadn’t been having the mood to continue writing about my solo trip to Hong Kong and Shenzhen and thus the incomplete post which I have yet to to hit the “publish” button.

I don’t know what is going on with my life right now. Whatever I do, I seem to lack the drive or the courage to accomplish something that I yearned to. It wasn’t like this before but I simply can’t find the reasons.

My life seemingly seems so peaceful, simple, plain and dull and yet underneath it, it’s simply in a turmoil. I don’t know what I am doing. All I see is just question marks everywhere, everyday.

I have been having bad nightmares lately too. I am always struggling in my nightmare or I would end up with those repetitive nightmares that I have been taunted with for years… and all I could do was to fumble for my bolster and hug it real tightly hoping I would wake up soon.

Waking up seems to be the only solution to be free from this nightmares although I’ll always end up with a splitting headache for the rest of the day.

I don’t know what is up with me as well, I hadn’t been wanting or willing to catch up with friends (except for Felicia who is probably the only person that I meet more frequently, due to our regular drinking session to de-stress, and escaping reality and problems with alcohol).

Honestly, Siru said that I was running away and escaping from the facts of reality which I guess she is true. Although I am constantly in denial. Forcing myself to accept everything and move on without any physical pillars of support, it’s tough and I am struggling.

In additions to people (colleagues and friends, those that are less close) constantly asking about my life and love life, I don’t know how to reply them…it’s like pressure!!!

(*emotional explosion*)

Ps. I’ll probably stop posting for a while, to regain my composure and to rediscover myself…then I’ll probably start and finish up things.

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One thought on “In search for the “exit” sign.

  1. not again! I’d hoped that you’d put most of these fears and self doubts behind you . sigh…  you’re life doesn’t seem so very bad (except for your parents, but that’s an easy fix) and it’s not so unusual at your age to not have any clear sense of direction. it’s pretty common, really. (though maybe not in conformist, career-oriented singapore).  I don’t want to be one of those sources of pressure and I doo feel a bit badly for being so inquisitive about the inner details of your life. I just want to help in some way. I really wish we could communicate by some means other than this public one and be normal friends and talk about things outside of the sometimes intense and anxiety ridden little world of your blog.again i offer my email(something i never NEVER do in public)  hipgraham@yahoo.ca

    Reading again, it sounds like you are feeling a bit depressed, in your case i think it is a result of feeling trapped, confined, stuck in something you don’t like. the depression, this “mood” might be then a result of holding back that desire to tears your self out of whatever you feel is en-trapping you. family perhaps…or maybe even ambition and drive is the trap? Perhaps you are trying to push your life(career work et ) in a direction that you don’t you’t really want to go? at least not right now? I always get the feeling from you that you think you MUST be ambitious, driven, goal oriented, hard driving to a successful career; that everyone around you says or implies that you should be like this. but the inner you isn’t like this…at least not now in this very early stage of your life. Still, i think it would be so much easier for you if you were living onyour own…or with a friend. or in malaysia. I think you’ll be fine on your own.

    From: T H E D R E A M E R To: hipgraham@yahoo.ca Sent: Tuesday, June 30, 2015 10:06 AM Subject: [New post] In search for the “exit” sign. #yiv4519326147 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv4519326147 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv4519326147 a.yiv4519326147primaryactionlink:link, #yiv4519326147 a.yiv4519326147primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv4519326147 a.yiv4519326147primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv4519326147 a.yiv4519326147primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv4519326147 WordPress.com | Yun Yun posted: “Hi.I probably hadn’t been having the mood to continue writing about my solo trip to Hong Kong and Shenzhen and thus the incomplete post which I have yet to to hit the “publish” button.I don’t know what is going on with my life right now. Whatever ” | |

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