I probably hadn’t been having the mood to continue writing about my solo trip to Hong Kong and Shenzhen and thus the incomplete post which I have yet to to hit the “publish” button.
I don’t know what is going on with my life right now. Whatever I do, I seem to lack the drive or the courage to accomplish something that I yearned to. It wasn’t like this before but I simply can’t find the reasons.
My life seemingly seems so peaceful, simple, plain and dull and yet underneath it, it’s simply in a turmoil. I don’t know what I am doing. All I see is just question marks everywhere, everyday.
I have been having bad nightmares lately too. I am always struggling in my nightmare or I would end up with those repetitive nightmares that I have been taunted with for years… and all I could do was to fumble for my bolster and hug it real tightly hoping I would wake up soon.
Waking up seems to be the only solution to be free from this nightmares although I’ll always end up with a splitting headache for the rest of the day.
I don’t know what is up with me as well, I hadn’t been wanting or willing to catch up with friends (except for Felicia who is probably the only person that I meet more frequently, due to our regular drinking session to de-stress, and escaping reality and problems with alcohol).
Honestly, Siru said that I was running away and escaping from the facts of reality which I guess she is true. Although I am constantly in denial. Forcing myself to accept everything and move on without any physical pillars of support, it’s tough and I am struggling.
In additions to people (colleagues and friends, those that are less close) constantly asking about my life and love life, I don’t know how to reply them…it’s like pressure!!!
Ps. I’ll probably stop posting for a while, to regain my composure and to rediscover myself…then I’ll probably start and finish up things.