I’m an old fashion girl

I’m a 21st century girl but who wants to fall in love in an old-fashioned way, with an “old-fashioned” man.

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My old fashioned man is probably the finest gentleman that you would have ever met. He gives respect, adoration and awe to the lady he set eyes on for the very first time. He never pushes his limits nor boundaries and takes things slow and steady like a classic steam train. He is committed to his promises and never fails to deliver, show and prove it.

Remaining loyal and faithful and never had any changes in his love and devotion for the lady he loves. He will be able to stand in the darkest times with his lady and be her pillar of support in the hardest situations that she might face.

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His usual approach of communicating with his lady would be writing letters and cards and pasting a stamp on the envelope, letting the postman does the delivery job over sending a text on mobile phones unless it was urgent.

And he would love the lady for her lovely personality and not the physical looks. He would spend time understanding, deciphering her character like a hard cover paperback book with fine printed words, through deep and engaging conversations with probably a few teases and jokes to keep it lively and sparks alive.

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I know I am just dreaming about the impossible, it’s 21st century and no one really does that anymore. Love happens like bullet train nowadays. People fall in love not because he is the man that is the best for them but rather, they needed a company, or perhaps someone to satisfy their needs, being monetary, confidence booster or bodily needs. It becomes so complicated and tangled mess that it has lost its meaning…this is not the kind of love that I would want and I probably lost a little faith until…

I happened to saw this white hair grandpa who was holding his love of his entire life’s hands, helping her to get down the bus as her knees were weak and unable to be as agile since age has taken over. She smiled at him when her feet finally made it to the ground and he smiled, continuing to hold her hands as they walk slowly but steadily to their destination. I guess that is true love. Seeing this scene, really set me thinking so much more than usual…this is old-fashioned love and had withstand the test of time.

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Drifting Away

I’m sorry.

I tried my best.

To try to shorten the distance between us but I failed.

We used to be best friends and everything, talking about anything under the sun but now things have changed. It can no longer be the same anymore.

I knew that night, because of your persistence, that decision that you made, made me resent you to forever.

I couldn’t forget but I could only hide, hoping that things can actually go back to the way it was, I’ve tried. It’s been a few years now, and it’s still a mission impossible.

They say birds of the same feather flock together but we weren’t the same from the start. A fiercely independent girl and a pampered princess, we didn’t go well together at all.

I know we had been through so much together as teens, but let’s just keep it as memories and move on.

我们进水不犯河水,你过你温室里的小花的生活,我过我那追寻自由的生活,我们还是远离点比较好…

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July’s Letter to Grandma.

Grandma,

It has been a really long while. Where have you been?

You haven’t been appearing in my dreams lately. I miss you so badly. You know I have been trying so hard to get out of everything and stop living in my own world. Everyone in bikini bar are so nice and caring, constantly helping and cheering me up while teaching me lots of life lesson that I have been missing out on. Sometimes, despite all that care I get, I still find part of something in my life is missing. And that’s you.

I’ve done so much, growing up, learning to be independent. Being able to support myself, learning to make more dishes, learning simple bar-tendering, learning to install a door knob, doing my own groceries and basically whatever a man’s job in the house, I have learn to do it all. I have even continued on with pole dancing which has been my dream hobby even though dance classes are pretty pricey and with a total newbie like me with no strength and flexibility, I’m at such a losing end. Still, I’m trying my best to catch up.

I really wish you are here to witness to everything. And praise me for all my accomplishment. And to give me the courage and strength to do more. And to motivate me to fulfill my dreams.

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I have been trying hard to hide all those misses that I have for you. I know I still can’t forget and get over the fact that your breathing stopped, your pulse stop beating and your soul left this world and all I can do is to keep myself really really busy and occupied so that I could not think about anything else.

imageYou know, despite all the friends that I have. I still can’t feel love although people always say that your best friends can be part of your family but then again, I can’t feel that care, love and concern that they are showering me with. I feel guilty, yet I didn’t mouth a word about it, but to pretend to be happy.

I feel so numbed and tired constantly. I have been drowning myself with beers, ciders, or liquors nearly every night to get me high to keep my happy vibes and forget about everything else. I don’t know any other ways to hide my feelings for you, grandma.

Love, Yun ❤