July’s Letter to Grandma.


It has been a really long while. Where have you been?

You haven’t been appearing in my dreams lately. I miss you so badly. You know I have been trying so hard to get out of everything and stop living in my own world. Everyone in bikini bar are so nice and caring, constantly helping and cheering me up while teaching me lots of life lesson that I have been missing out on. Sometimes, despite all that care I get, I still find part of something in my life is missing. And that’s you.

I’ve done so much, growing up, learning to be independent. Being able to support myself, learning to make more dishes, learning simple bar-tendering, learning to install a door knob, doing my own groceries and basically whatever a man’s job in the house, I have learn to do it all. I have even continued on with pole dancing which has been my dream hobby even though dance classes are pretty pricey and with a total newbie like me with no strength and flexibility, I’m at such a losing end. Still, I’m trying my best to catch up.

I really wish you are here to witness to everything. And praise me for all my accomplishment. And to give me the courage and strength to do more. And to motivate me to fulfill my dreams.


I have been trying hard to hide all those misses that I have for you. I know I still can’t forget and get over the fact that your breathing stopped, your pulse stop beating and your soul left this world and all I can do is to keep myself really really busy and occupied so that I could not think about anything else.

imageYou know, despite all the friends that I have. I still can’t feel love although people always say that your best friends can be part of your family but then again, I can’t feel that care, love and concern that they are showering me with. I feel guilty, yet I didn’t mouth a word about it, but to pretend to be happy.

I feel so numbed and tired constantly. I have been drowning myself with beers, ciders, or liquors nearly every night to get me high to keep my happy vibes and forget about everything else. I don’t know any other ways to hide my feelings for you, grandma.

Love, Yun ❤


5 thoughts on “July’s Letter to Grandma.

  1. Yap. with denim shorts.
    Haha. wow that’s cool.
    I have never use plums to cook before. Plums are like seasonal here. Rarely see them in the supermarket.
    I just enjoy plating food. My cooking skills is just mediocre and I’ve still got plenty to learn.

    • These are small plums with sour skins. We have a whole tree FULL of then this year. I can send you a picture if you like. hundreds of plums. You want to come and pick some? we tried to make jam but it needs so much sugar and i don’t like sugar so probably it will be watery thin jam and get better use as a sauce with achiote paste and poblano chilis to make pulled pork.
      Say…what time is it over there? how come you’re up so late…you’re such a wild child! hehe 😉
      frankly, you’re cooking skills are damn good, especially for a 20 year old. oops, 21!

  2. You’re living in the wrong place if you like beer and cider. we have SO many little breweries and brew pubs here with such good good beer. in fact, we just bought two bottles of local cider here(brewed in old rum casks, amazing flavour!) at the local craft market. also some yummy homemade Persian cooking.
    You would not believe how good the beer can be here. fresh, pure, no chemicals, richly flavoured… oh, now i’m thirsty!
    however, you must know that habitually drowning you’re “sorrows” in vodka is a very very foolish and dangerous thing. I’ve known alcoholics…my father, for one. they are awful people with wretched lives. too much alcohol steals the happiness right out of you. permanently.
    I don’t want to hurt your feelings but perhaps your grandmother is staying away to try to tell you something. perhaps she is saying “stop worrying about me, stop missing me SO very much. It’s too much. start living your life and live for your future, not the past. you don’t need me now, you are doing well. I am proud of you. let go of me, and live your life!” Perhaps it is something like that. Time has passed and pain of missing someone is SUPPOSED to fade, so that you can think of them and smile and feel warmed by the love you remember rather than feel pain for the love you no longer have, Do you know what I’m trying to say?
    I saw that post about your locksmithing . i was quite impressed. Bartending,too? Good for you. It doesn’t suprise me that you are good at all these things. You always seemed like a talented person to me. did i mention it before now? And i did notice your birthday but i had no where to send the present, did I? so i didn’t make one. really wanted to… oh well…but it is summer and I was quite busy that week. I rarely do much jewelery work in the summer. outside all the time.
    did you say “bikini bar??? are you working at a bikini bar! is there a …hehe…uniform? … said he, archly raising an eyebrow..and blushing a bit…I’d love to see a picture of you in your work outfit…blush…

    • Actually I love ciders so much more than beer. But there’s limited choices available in Sg..so I had to attempt to try beers.
      Ya bikini bar. Bikini top with denim shorts. That looks pretty normal I guess since it’s at the beach.

      • really? with denim shorts?? doe sit say “bikini bar” on them!!! nyah…they wouldn’t fit me anyhow…
        I’ll think of you when i drink the cider. I don’t drink much so it could take a while. We might go and visit the place where they make the cider. They are located on a farm just a few miles from here. It’s called Sea cider. they probably have a web site. They make like a dozen kinds of cider from their own apples. we have three apple trees ourselves…maybe we should try it. Trying to figure out what to do with all the plum,s we have right now. Any ideas, my chef?
        I’m always so impressed with your cooking. Do i see a cooking school in your future?

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