I knew she was watching me from heaven…

That night she came to my dreams and left me this vivid message that even when I woke up, I could remember exactly what she said which was usually not the case from the usual dreams where she was accompanying and relieving me of my happy moments with her. I wouldn’t remember a single thing, but not for this time.

I guess she could see that I was suffering so badly, and how much my heart was aching and the painful long waits. It wasn’t worth it. She said “It’s time to give up, you waited for long, and in vain. He isn’t yours to keep, let it go, you’ll be happier. Let go, he isn’t worth your time. Let go, he’s someone else…”, in hokkien. I woke up, remembering all this clearly, exactly.

I know during this long period of 6months wait, I’ve changed so much. From the girl who wasn’t serious about life, to being serious, planning for my future and living my dreams, passion and interest. Meanwhile, my heart suffered from all the waiting and misses, because I held on tightly to that tiny tinge of hope thinking that he might be someone whom really keep his promise. I guess I’m too foolish and promises aren’t meant to be kept, because it truly hurts this time. It’ll probably be my last time to trust someone so deeply, I’ve learnt my lesson. I guard my heart with all the ability that I have from tomorrow onwards.

Thanks, grandma. Thank you so much for watching over me in heaven, and taking care of my heart and affairs. I’ll listen to you. I’ll let go, because you’re right.

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2 thoughts on “I knew she was watching me from heaven…

  1. Somehow I missed seeing this post. lost in a cloud of emails that day, i suppose.
    I’m glad that granma is still watching over you. you are lucky to have that. It’s good advice to let go of something that is only a fantasy. Especially if all you were doing was waiting for something to happen, waiting for someone to come looking for you, while you yearn in silence. Can you guess what my advice would have been?
    However, for me, i am left yearning. this is another very post that leaves me wishing i knew you better and knew the FACTS of the situation, the details. Who were you waiting for,why were you waiting and how did you meet? why did you think he was good for you?
    I’m glad that you’ve changed, that you are looking forward to life and feeling more optimistic. really glad! But don’t be too pessimistic about romance,just remember that you are not living in one of those romance novels where somehow everything works out for the girl no matter how much of a goof she is, where the gorgeous rich prince will find her no matter how much she hides. Can you guess what my advice would be?

    • Honestly, it doesn’t matters now. I don’t wish to mention it anymore. It just simply saddens me and make me feel more like a fool if I were to repeat what happened again. I know curiosity kills, but some things should simply left un-asked.

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