0317HRS, Local Time, SG

It’s like 3.17am right now as I’m typing this post but still, I need to clear my thoughts and probably rant a little.

There’s quite a few movement and changes lately and I’m having some difficult time to adapt, especially in Bikini Bar, the main part time job that I’m working, I don’t know how long am I going to last there. I know I managed to stay on for 7months already, thanks to the lovely girls, I probably wouldn’t have stayed in a F&B place for long (usually). There’sΒ been a few changes and movements in the position holders and meant that there is bound to be difference in standards and management. I felt stress. More stress than before. Maybe I’m not suited for a front-line sort of job and is better at back-of-house job…

I really can’t handle myself well enough to be able deal with customer right after 1 sec when you’ve just got scolded by someone. If it was like back in housekeeping, I’ll probably had more time to cool myself off but for a front line job, you just gotta suck it up and SMILE. I know I found myself several times giving excuses to head to the toilet, lock myself there for a good 3minutes, tearing and sobbing, wanting to quit. Then again, I had to tell myself to stay strong, endure through the day.

I feel really really tired. Not just physically but mentally. It’s mentally demanding. I lost the passion to work in F&B, lost the interest to learn something new, all I am now is thinking and battling whether should I continue the job or should I not. It did not felt like my first day where I was blur but interested to learn all the ropes to be a good bar server, but now…it’s just for the sake of money.

Work aside, working in Bikini Bar from like 3pm-11pm make my social circle upside down, made my temper from bad to worst, I have become less empathetic, less caring and very self-centred or maybe not (as per my 7 years long friend, Yunteng). I’m starting to lose all my friends that I once had, I don’t bother anymore about trying to catch up with them, I don’t bother about having friends and even if they started to distance themselves, I did not give a shit. I became more of a loner, independent person who rather hang out alone than to be with someone.

I really detest this kind of life that I am having, but I’m at a lost on what to do.

AHHH ~ ! ! !

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One thought on “0317HRS, Local Time, SG

  1. Good rant.
    “loosing all your friends”? isn’t that just because you are working nights? don’t they understand that? you work nights and you’re tired after work, too tired to go out. perhaps also you are around people so much at work that you are full up with human contact. Maybe it’s not because “you don’t care, are bad tempered or mean or loner. Maybe you’re just a bit worn out emotionally. Don’t be so hard on yourself. you could send your friends a text telling them that. “sorry guys,work is so exhausting right now, i’m emotionally burnt out.” so they understand that you haven’t abandoned them forever. πŸ™‚
    Working in bars can be hard. i’ve never done it, obviously. i don’t look good in heels and short skirt. low cut top? a nightmare! no tips for me.You should do much much better at that than I! πŸ™‚
    As for you, i was suprised that you took such a job. But i thought it would be good for you, at least for a while. You always describe yourself as shy. but i see you as cheerful and potentially outgoing, but then i only know you from here and I’m sure it’s not a complete picture.All the same, mostly you should be having fun there, enjoying the playful interactions with customers. exercise your sense of humour, make jokes, be an actress, be charming. (I suspect that you have a great deal of natural charm.)
    Do people, customers, actually scold you or yell at you? call you names? is that what you mean? That isn’t right. grrrr…graham-Hulk punch bad customer…grrrr
    Sure, waitresses make mistakes sometimes, it can be a confusing job. but normally management has no tolerance for anyone abusing or insulting their staff. I wonder…when they make you want to cry have you ever thought I’ll just cry? let it out. embarrass them, make them feel small. make yourself feel better. would that work? hmmm…think of it as being on stage. sometimes people don’t like the play, don’t relate to the character. but the character isn’t you. don’t take it too personally. Learn to shutoff sometimes, like a zen master, not emotionally involved with the confusion around you.
    Just some random thoughts and reactions. as usual. Get what you can out of this job,try to learn more about how to deal with these problems. If you can’t take it,you can always quit. But if you can learn to master some of these issues before you do you will be much happier with yourself.
    If you can describe specific situations that are difficult i might be able to give some specific advice. I’ve been frontline for decades.
    good luck, little one. I hope you do well.

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