It’s like 3.17am right now as I’m typing this post but still, I need to clear my thoughts and probably rant a little.
There’s quite a few movement and changes lately and I’m having some difficult time to adapt, especially in Bikini Bar, the main part time job that I’m working, I don’t know how long am I going to last there. I know I managed to stay on for 7months already, thanks to the lovely girls, I probably wouldn’t have stayed in a F&B place for long (usually). There’s been a few changes and movements in the position holders and meant that there is bound to be difference in standards and management. I felt stress. More stress than before. Maybe I’m not suited for a front-line sort of job and is better at back-of-house job…
I really can’t handle myself well enough to be able deal with customer right after 1 sec when you’ve just got scolded by someone. If it was like back in housekeeping, I’ll probably had more time to cool myself off but for a front line job, you just gotta suck it up and SMILE. I know I found myself several times giving excuses to head to the toilet, lock myself there for a good 3minutes, tearing and sobbing, wanting to quit. Then again, I had to tell myself to stay strong, endure through the day.
I feel really really tired. Not just physically but mentally. It’s mentally demanding. I lost the passion to work in F&B, lost the interest to learn something new, all I am now is thinking and battling whether should I continue the job or should I not. It did not felt like my first day where I was blur but interested to learn all the ropes to be a good bar server, but now…it’s just for the sake of money.
Work aside, working in Bikini Bar from like 3pm-11pm make my social circle upside down, made my temper from bad to worst, I have become less empathetic, less caring and very self-centred or maybe not (as per my 7 years long friend, Yunteng). I’m starting to lose all my friends that I once had, I don’t bother anymore about trying to catch up with them, I don’t bother about having friends and even if they started to distance themselves, I did not give a shit. I became more of a loner, independent person who rather hang out alone than to be with someone.
I really detest this kind of life that I am having, but I’m at a lost on what to do.
AHHH ~ ! ! !