I lost myself

We’ve been together for 662 days as I’m typing this post (I did not count this, it’s an app that helps to keep track of the days).

Lately, I have been abnormally vomitting everyday and couldn’t sleep well in the night because he has given me cold shoulder. I really have no idea what went wrong in our relationship.

I have been thinking and pondering over what he said like what we want to pursue in life is different and that we couldn’t communicate at all and he is the one dragging the wagon of this entire relationship while I’m doing nothing and I was the one who wanted him to do this do that but I did like almost nothing for him.

Like hello? When he is angry and in the state of debating, he is always in the mode to attack and no matter what the defendant tries speak, he will shoot every single thing down by bringing the past up.

It’s not an argument, it’s not debating and winning a debate in a relationship, we need communicate and talk things out, I believe I have the rights to speak my words. I apologise first doesn’t mean I’m in the wrong sometimes, I putting myself soft, so we can end the argument, argument is unhealthy and I know your temper is out-of-hand. I just didn’t want things to be worst. That’s all.

Maybe I was wrong, maybe I should have spoke up, maybe I shouldn’t be the first to apologise thinking that he will be able to stop the argument and peacely talk things out.

Yes I did made a mistake, I misread it your lonely as you’re bored. It was my fault. But throwing a huge temper at me was really mean.

I tried my best to reply you timely because last last month in January I was having bad menses cramps and I did told you I had bad cramps, it took me really long to fight the cramps and I dozed off, my phone was in silent mode because I did not want notifications on phone to disturb my rest. You called and called and I was fast asleep, by the time I woke up and called you, you blasted at me for not answering your phone. You couldn’t even listen to my explanation at all. I had to agree that I was answer and text you as fast I could.

and so I did subsequently.

It was just this one mistake I made that probably hurt you and made you felt that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I was in Amritsar , about to report for flight. What could I do…

When you told me you are stressed from work, I always encourage you and told you to calm down first, because you always rage, things will get better, but you said my reply was a fixed template. I do not know your work, I can’t give specific advise, what could I do beside encouraging you? I can’t possibly tell you to quit and get a new job. Winners are quitter you see.

You said you are the one trying to earn more money for us. You said I did not had the goal to pursue ranking in my career. Flying was my career. Flying has been my dream. Being a leader wasn’t my dream at all, I just wanted to meet more people, know more about the different cultures and uniqueness of every cities that has to offer. That was and have been my dream. Yes, being a leader means a huge leap in income, sort of, but I lead life all along to do things that made me happy. Probably in the near future I might become someone who lead, but I am not ready to stick with working with the same position in the aircraft now.

Then you bring you the past that I requested you to do things like meet once a week, but that was because we weren’t in a relationship yet and our relationship was not very close and intimate to a point to be meeting several times a week plus we always had a full day to spend with each other a week. That was more than enough. But now, you work long hours and I work shifts, we don’t have the luxury to have a full day to spend per week and the only thing that could keep our relationship going, was that I made the sacrifice to meet you at your work after you end so that we can catch up with each other , considering that we don’t spend time on calls or video calls, texting can’t show emotions. I probably analysing the situation now, but he probably would think that I’m blaming him which I obviously am not, I have been trying to make things work on my side because his long work hours can’t be changed and of course he shouldn’t change or reject his clients just to meet me, and since I work shifts, I had more off days and rest day than him then why not? I take my time to meet him instead from the time he end work , head home and have dinner. At least he doesn’t feel that alone, consider that I do spend quite some days overseas at times.

I really tried, I tried so hard to pray for good rosters every month, trying so hard to ask 2500plus crews to swap flights with me every single month so I can have saturdays night off to be able to spend time with you, although sometimes I failed, like when I have a too attractively high paying layover, that I would lose several hundreds of bucks if I give away.

I tried to change so much of myself for you but I did not mentioned to claim credit. I just want things to work between us, that’s all. But the things that we did when we were dating vs the things that we did in a relationship should been different somehow. Sometimes I don’t ask for us to be dumping in cash to have a good time out, but rather I just want to spend some quality time with you , talking and communicating which we obviously lack.

And have you ever even wondered, I did changed? Whatever you said , I tried to change, and listen although it wasn’t an immediate effect but I did.

I gave up my old-fashioned mindset despite all your persistent trying of luck (something that I had held strongly onto), I gave up my disbelief in trust ( taking a leap of faith to start things again). I know I’m a fool, I gave up things that matter to me most, my beliefs that I held strongly to , for the sake of you, and for that one thing that I wanted the relationship to work and last between us.

I’m really at a lost, I feel like I lost myself. I tried so hard to make things work between us because I really loved you, and that night, and all the cold treatment (because you said I did this to you last time why can’t you do this to me). It’s like an evil cycle, all this returning the bad things that you’ve done to the other party , it’s never ending. It’s only will lead to a tragic outcome, I don’t want it to happen. I really don’t.

i do love you, I really really do.

 

 

HIM: Introducing- How we met?

If you have been with me for a very time, you’ve probably read all the articles that I wrote about my feelings and love, expectations of a boyfriend, etc etc…

BUT, I have never mention one before. Reason being, despite all the dates that I have been out with the various guys, from clubs, from Tinder & Okcupid, none of them are great, maybe one or two was kinda boyfriend material, but most wanted to get laid, to get me into their bed. I never met someone from school before, a guy that chase me, because I was this ugly girl and anti-social.

I could say even my part time job back then, I always mingled well with the aunties than people of my age, because I had difficulty finding common topic. And of course, my special family background, no one could understand it. Most people think, I was lying.

Obviously, I wasn’t if you have known me.

Maybe, it’s time to introduce him.

Around November 2018, I kinda completed my first year of flying and job, was more stable as I knew what to do basically and tasks in hand, maybe just not perfect with handling situations yet. I got kinda bored with flying life, and I realise that I haven’t been dating and there was no luck in my love life. The guys in my workplace, majority are gays, they are so cute to talk to, but they like guys, and the rest, mostly are attached, and some I didn’t really like because I don’t like guys that weighs around my weight. Then, I have been back on Tinder for quite awhile on and off because Tinder’s guys profiling was getting worst, and there were more guys looking for ONS and FWB than serious relationship.

On 13 Dec 2018, one fine boring afternoon that I was having my off day, laying on bed as usual, I was swiping on Tinder randomly, aimlessly, swiped through a couple bunch of guys, until this guy that I had quite an impression because of his photos. The first photo he had was a selfie in the lift and lifting his T-shirt up to capture his abs and I found it dodgy, but his thick black framed specs kinda caught my attention, I swiped to see his second photo, it was a gym photo, and he look well, ermmm fierce. Usually gym guys photos look like either muscular cool or muscular cute but for his guy he is fierce. It’s ok, I went on with his third photo, he had a friendly nice smile. Well, I always had a thing for  guys who gym and the bigger the muscles, the better. For they would better understand that girls who pole is definitely not a stripper or someone who does lap dancing. So I swiped right to him, despite him not looking handsome in his photos, maybe for that smile, black specs, and muscles I swiped right to him.

62FEFA6C-AE32-41CC-9D99-C06E92D29DC1

(this was one of his profile pictures)

Awww, I know you’ll be thinking, what a judge mental bitch, isn’t it? But hey what else can you see from a Tinder profile’s beside photos and maybe a sentence of introduction?

And unexpectedly, WE MATCHED!

(At that time, I gotta admit as a girl, I get matches too easily, so I don’t really have that excitement as compared to a guy I guess. It was like hey, he matched me, ok. Let’s see if he’ll start a convo, else it will be another number adding to my numerous amount of match. HAH)

Ok, before I continue on with this post, I will be writing everything based on my account and from my perspective. So, please don’t judge. I totally appreciate that.

Let’s continue…

Maybe hours lately, I can’t remember too clearly, he started to talk to me, on Tinder for quite awhile, he asked me my favourite food which was cheese fries from kfc at that time and he love it as well haha! Also, finding out that he was actually ok and understanding towards pole dancing was very important to me. Then he had a liking towards cats and at that time my silly fella MiMi was still around (it was important he was accepting towards stray cats because I hated guys who tell me eww why do you touch stray cats they are so dirty and gross) and I thought, wow this guy seems nice! He likes to gym, looks kinda decent and respectful, likes cats, older than me (by that tiny bit but still…important), shares quite a fair bit of common food interest, like sashimi and cheese fries, and acceptance towards pole dancing, doesn’t smoke (a serious deal breaker), not below 170cm (I had this weird thinking that if I wear heels, he must not be shorter than me).

At that point in time, I was bringing my giant bag of clothes to the laundry shop , those self coin operated kind to get my clothes washed. My parents were nuts that the house is not allowed to buy a washing machine and that crazy birth mum of mine didn’t allowed my to hang my laundry out to dry because she said it’s dirty and superstitious stuff, she always threw my freshly laundered clothes that were wet right at my room door. Rude af. That how I ended up having to bring my clothes to laundry shop to wash and then do the drying there as well, and to save money, I actually accumulate my clothes to one week or two weeks worth so that the washing machine is filled to the brim. So while waiting for laundry to be washed, I texted him on Tinder.

I can’t remembered when, he asked me for my number, but it was definitely before my very first Harbin flight that I managed to swapped into. The day before my Harbin flight, we took a step from Tinder chat to WhatsApp.

After reaching Harbin, I was so excited because for the first time ever, I got my own room! I did not had to share with the crew because the crew leader bought her own room, and I was thrilled. I took lots of photos and videos on instastory and I had to connect to VPN to reply to this guy as well because I told him that I would reply him when I reached. Stupid VPN, took me awhile to get connected because China had a limitation ban on IG, FB, WA, basically non-China apps. Thankfully the hotel wifi was strong, and connecting VPN was easy. Eventually I realise that it just so happened that I got a room with good wifi connectivity. So I send him a WhatsApp text and the view of Harbin in my room, probably the first person that I share the joy and excitement with, because Harbin was one of the destinations that I wanted to go before I started flying and the airline finally launched the route to Harbin!

Anyway, when I came back from Harbin, this guy asked me to meet him for a kfc meal and would treat me to cheese fries, and I turned him down. Reason being, I barely talked to him for a week and he wanted to asked me out already? I felt it was too fast because of my past Tinder dates and experiences, guys who usually rushes to the girl tends to had ill intentions. Usually if I turned the guy down, they would move on and look for another target.

But! This guy still kept the conversations on with me, although he was slightly ‘colder’ in chats and few days passed, he asked me out again on a Christmas date. This time, I agreed because I felt that it was going to be 2 weeks of chatting and getting to know the person online, maybe it’s time to get to know him in real life.

I know it was still kinda a little fast for me as I only meet them after chatting for 1-3 months later. Since it was Christmas and no guys I have ever dated did asked me out on a Christmas date, so why not right? Plus he said he was going to make plans, so I though it was be an auspicious date to go out on a date with. (I had this special thing with me about Christmas and Chinese New Year because Christmas to me was the time to celebrate with your loved ones and the joy of gifting and celebration for working hard the entire year).

It will be memorable.

And let’s keep the part on our first date in another post because this is getting too lengthy.

xxx

to be continued…

Bad news and good news, which would you like to hear?

Ok, maybe i’ll give you the bad news first so you’ll probably understand things better, or probably it will flow better in an chronological order.

and… pardon my English, I haven’t been willing to speak english at work lately, because i’m kinda into Chinese lately.

Feb 2019: I was admitted to hospital twice right after CNY because I kept vomiting non-stop after eating and even just plainly drinking water (ok i gotta admit maybe I induce some of it because the nausea feeling in me was so intense and I felt cold, pain, and awful) , the doctor send me for CT scan but they couldn’t find anything wrong with my stomach beside that it was inflamed and red. They said it was gastroenteritis but it was weird that mine didn’t recover like normal patients did and the vomiting keeps coming back when I was discharged home.  Then they probably felt it had something to do with psychological issues, they called an counseller to attend to me, and yeah, she felt that it was probably boyfriend issues and mostly, family issues.

4BB3F983-5FDB-4853-B8CE-5EA8CBC2380C

( I was on drip always Everyday and I hated the iv plug, it was major discomfort and pain)

I had a hard time with family as usual, and with CNY, a festive period, they usually be even more nuts than usual, and I was so stress, praying that my roster had more layovers, but I had more turnaround flights which meant I had to spend time at home. I was on the verge of breaking, she would scold me right before I go to work for the most ridiculous reasons, and sometimes waking up at wee hours just to catch me before I go to work and vent her anger on me when I didn’t even talked to her at all or did anything that relates to her. I cried almost every time on the Grabhitch ride to airport. And layovers were the best time of my life. I felt peace.

AFD060A6-DF8E-44B1-B0D1-8617F3EECD42

(He came after his work to surprised me with this!)

Anyway, my vomiting stopped after a lot of medicine and somehow things got slightly better because of March roster and i went on a solo trip to Korea, I felt happier.

Jun 2019: I nearly broke up with him because he lied. ( which he said he didn’t because he just simply chose not tell me ) I felt like crap because I love him for his honesty and that he was a very loyal person and wouldn’t flirt with any other girls but he did. My heart was shattered. I had no idea what to do. I love and trusted him wholeheartedly thinking that he will be my last and my only, but now… I shan’t explain the details because I chose to forgive him despite all 100% odds that if I do tell you what happened everyone else will tell me not leave. Ever since then I kinda feel insecure once awhile and I had to go back to pole-dancing to curb this insecurity because once scarred, there will be a scar. I took a leap in faith against everyone’s advice, and chose to give him this chance,  I hope I won’t regret when I come back to this post in maybe 5 ? Or 10 years time.

Aug 2019: The vomiting came back again, it was serious than ever, I had to admit myself to the hospital. This time the doctor was perplexed because the frequency of my gastroenteritis relapse was too frequent, so they send me for a scope where they put this tiny camera through my mouth, down the throat to the stomach to see what’s going wrong with it. And again, they found nothing abnormal beside the redness which was due to it inflamed. This time, they sent a psychologist along with a counsellor to my hospital bedside to ‘talk’ to me. As usual they realise it’s family issues, and the only way was that I leave this place of hell that I once called home because my vomiting issue was getting serious and they doubt that it will completely cure. Psychologically, my body has already chose to vomit because once I am overly stressed out, my stomach will overproduce gastric juices which are the yellow or green fluids that I always puke. They gave me the encouragement to move out, because counselling me would not helped me at all, despite them wanting to help me.

B3414044-8FBC-454D-873D-E2DB14CA5926

(I know I look pale and frail here, needing oxygen to breathe.)

Sep 2019: HOOHOO!  I found a place! I moved out officially, although I still go back to that hell place once awhile to collect my letters and the little things I need that weren’t so important to bring over to the room that I rented because I had too many things. Moving out alone was a huge difficult chore because he was not free and I had to move alone, I made so many trips to and fro, so many carsickness moments, aching arms. Sometimes, I really feel proud of myself that I can carry so many heavy bags without a man’s help, although I probably look like a clown and hideous cause I’m sweaty by the end of it. Mhmm, I’m officially out of that hell place, although there’s loads of memories of there with grandma, whom I really miss dearly.

Honestly, after moving out,  I kinda realised I’m all alone. Like I don’t have friends that really care. Those so-called bffs are just fake. And the worst thing of moving out, I can’t feed any stray cats anymore. My stray furry friends are my go-to when I’m down and bored, I always spend hours with them, they are just so entertaining and therapeutic. The landlord doesn’t approve of any pets, and the neighbourhood has no stray cats because it’s a pretty new neighbourhood, sadly. And cooking is now much difficult because the owner only approves of light cooking, so basically I do microwave cooking haha and rely on food delivery on lazy days or when I’m sick.

And my gastric vomiting still occurs… usually in the morning when I wake up, all the yellow gastric juices will be out and by the later of the day after I had some food and juices, it gets better.

I shall keep my updates of my life, till here.

‘I know I haven’t been updating of my travel trips that I made this year.  I shall do so soon since my ankle is sprained from work injury and I’m down from flying temporarily, urgh, there goes my  favourite Osaka and guangzhou layover. *sobs*

Insecurities

Maybe you can call me paranoid,

Maybe you can say I’m doubtful,

But I have this little insecurity that is burning in me.

 

I have been in a relationship for quite awhile now, 1 year and 2 months roughly as I am typing this. We had many ups and downs in our relationship so far and although we have had similar background, our work is keeping us apart most of the time. I fly most of the time and although I tried very hard to have more off days in Singapore than being overseas (more than 8 off days a month as of now), his long working hours and schedule and working 6.5days a week is keeping us apart. Limiting us to only roughly one quick dinner date per week or if time permits, just a short meetup. We only spend our time texting each other to keep ourselves in touch of our lives and this conversing in text usually happens at night when he is finally done with his day. Since then, I started developing this odd habit of keeping my phone by my side all the time so that I can reply him quickly when his text comes over.

I know I have to understand that this is his job and he has to work in order to pay off his Uni study loans and earn income to survive and feed himself and saving to buy a house for our future. However since June, we have been meeting lesser and lesser, the time we spend together is so much lesser and most of the time we only talk about things related to work and saving up. Maybe occasionally, about other things…

As weeks passed, this little insecurity in me keep growing, I’m really scared that one day, over time our relationship, our feelings would fade away, like how my bestie ended her relationship with her Boyfriend that lasted for 4 years plus, because they wanted the save up to buy a house in the 3rd year after they succeeded in getting a bto. They scrimp and save and cut down on dates and only had dinner together and chit chat and went home thereafter. I don’t want to be in their path, and it’s scary that things between me and him seem to be going the same way like how my bestie relationship headed to.

I really don’t know what I should do, I don’t think it’s possible to talk this out with him because he just started working and he has his own work problems to fret about…  and he might misunderstand me and leading to another quarrel which it always happens.

There are so many times I don’t know what I should do or to save myself from thinking astray, I drink, I gym, I pole, I give away my off days to fly more, I go travel, I try so hard to keep myself occupied to not think about what might happen to us if in the long run, this is how we going to keep our relationship and maintaining it.

And all I do is keep telling myself that “whatever will be, will be.” There is no way I could tell what time would brings, if things fade, it’s fated. That is fate, eventually.

I’ve always been a pessimist in life, in everything I do.

And I can’t deny this time I am not.

MARCH

March is here, how fast. I spend nearly a month in Feb in the hospital because of my gastric issues and now I’m back to flying life. After a month of break from flying life, I am definitely not getting used to layovers anymore. I’m kinda dreading layovers, only looking forward to going home to my own bed and sleep. Not only that, I don’t go out for sightseeing or fun with crew during layovers anymore, I would only leave the hotel when it’s time for food or maybe getting some groceries or daily necessities to bring home.

Worst till, I’m not getting used to sharing room with crew anymore, I can’t sleep well and feel, pretty uncomfortable having someone in the same room as me. All I look forward is to do the turnaround flights on the small aircraft that most crew dislike to work on. I know I’m weird but I am kinda reaching the flying phase where you get sick of having layovers.

I still do love my flying job, meeting and serving all the passengers, some being weird, some being nasty, handling them and of course, there are those nice ones that help keep my time pass faster and meeting the little kiddos that makes me smile.

Sometimes, I wish the airline would do Hong Kong layovers, then I probably give up all my layovers for Hong Kong layovers because I haven’t seen my Hong Kong uncle for a really long time, although I have annual leave, I always spend my annual leave elsewhere like visiting Gold Coast where I finally strike off my bucket list of going to Movie World that had so many thrilling roller coasters that made me screamed, but it was fun though!

Oh and I kinda like Gold Coast or maybe Honolulu as beach destination compared to Asia beach destination like Phuket or Bali even though they are way much cheaper as a beach holiday destination. You know why?

I love how Australians and US people are so open about their body sizes and they embrace their body type even though they may be typed as “fat” or “obsesed” in Asian’s eyes, they call themselves curvy and in the Asian society, curvy people would always donned themselves with lots of fabric to hide their curves and their chubby arms or body but in Australia or US, they dress to flaunt their curves and that’s what I love. There is almost no body size issues regarding to dressing up and I just feel really comfortable being there, walking the streets without having the self-awareness of getting judged for not fitting in as a skinny or fitspo (the latest trend in Asian society).

Of course, the culture there is way much better especially if you are in the street and you happen to meet eye to eye with a stranger, they would let off a small smile at you but in Asia, people would just turn their heads away or inevitably roll their eyes away. It’s so-not-friendly at all.

Oh and I spend alot of time in hospital thinking about my social life and I realize that I have very little friends at all, to the extent that they are well almost non-existence at all. My best friend is well, stuck with working and being a single mom that has to take care of her kid and her messy love life that we barely contact each other and hang out. The other friend that I used to thought she was my best friend is busy with her search for looking pretty and keeping her boyfriend entertained, and well, some colleagues and pole friends that are like hi and bye people, to the extent that I feel like I don’t have anyone to hang out with or travel.

I kinda feel like I am a loner and anti-social, I think if it wasn’t for my boyfriend whom is kinda playing the role as my bff, I probably have no one in my social life. It’s a sad truth but I kind of think this is growing up, people stray away from you and it’s just sad when the realization hits you that I don’t have any one that I am close with.

Enough of grumbling or rambling about my life so far, I know I need to brush up on my speech especially in English because I have the tendency to direct translate my thoughts which are in Chinese and it ends up sounding like broken English when I speak and it gets very frustrating to my seniors and ranking crew. Yeah, I have been criticized at work for my poor command in English despite being a Singaporean where English is the first language and Singaporeans tend to be poor at Chinese but well, I’m their direct opposite. I speak alot in Chinese at work and stutter when I speak English and made my colleagues repeat their English because they spoke too fast and I had difficulty to comprehending. My chinese is also nowhere near the Chinese crews standard but I just happen to be able to understand them better.

Ok, bye for now. I shall keep you guys updated soon, hopefully. ❤

Welcome 2019

2018 gone by in flash and although the usual in my house is still happening, getting screamed at and getting called useless, the unfairness in the house, I thought of moving out several times, using the fund I actually did save to find a place and move out and paid the deposit rental for 3 months, then again, I thought, perhaps I could endure for a year or more and put this sum of money to better use…

I live on the edge of not wanting to know what tomorrow will come because since grandma’s departure, I have refused to live on another day in this world but friend’s have told me to try on, one day at a time and so I did, still breathing. However, my reluctance in breathe in this world still exist, I’m living in denial everyday, and death is still an option somewhere at the edge of my mind, I lived my life for her and to repay her with all that I could, but since she is gone, what’s there to live for?

I listened to options, to find a job I liked and so I did, flying around the world seeing places that I used to dream of when I was a kid and satisfy my wanderlust in me, but at the end of the day, I still feel very empty because I did wanted to see the world, but with her. For all her life she never got to enjoy her life but always lived for others. And all I wanted was to reward her for having a hard time to bring me up.

I did fell in love too, it was like a roller coaster. Good times and bad times, and I thought this would let me find a meaning in life to live for, for the future of both of us, to have someone to rely on and a future that belongs to two of us to look forward to and finally finding a reason to live on in life. Then again, I was wrong. Somehow I still struggled, I couldn’t comprehend what was this love thing all about, maybe it was my first. But it definitely was a lesson for me to learn and still learning by the way, it was somewhat different, different from the kind of love that I have been wanting to experience again since she left.

It was always interesting to hear about her old world war stories and her growing up wisdom and occasionally, gossips from the neighbors and relatives. However it wasn’t as interesting when you had to hear someone pouring his woes on his job and life every single meetup. I’m a curious girl, I love to hear interesting things about something old and unique, and of course gossips (a girl’s favourite topic and will never go wrong).

I guess that’s what they say love’s obligation is all about.

You’ve got to listen to his woes on his job and life every single time, listen to every single detail of what he did at his job, understand his job from top to toe. Listen to every complain that he has to say about his work and the people he met. Sometimes I wonder, I am being a punching bag at home and now, I’ve got to be his listening ear for his woes and sorrows. But all I hear is negativity, where are the interesting things and sights and positivity that should be heard to balance out everything? WHERE?

No, he doesn’t share with me his positivity, all the interesting things that happen, he shares it with his friends and his closest ones. Sometimes I wonder, am I just a 诉苦的港口? Or does he not have anything interesting and positive to share?

I feel tired, sometimes I run out of encouraging things to cheer him up. (If anyone here could give me some tips, I would totally appreciate it.). I just keep mum and listen and goes home for a drink to forget about the heavily emphasis negativity. You probably be thinking why do I drink alot right? I drink when I am stressed and I drink to forget about the negativity, I drink to lift my spirits.

And rarely, I drink because I am happy, (but it do happens…)

I guess it’s getting pretty lengthy for this post, but I do hope that 2019 gets better over time, since it’s almost midway through January already. How FAST… but as 2019 enters, I know he is not going to travel with me anymore in this year and years ahead to come, but I will, still travel alone, back to the solo travelling days and of course with a huge tinge of disappointment, thinking that I found my partner who is able to deal with my budget travelling. but he isn’t the one fit for that kind of travelling ideology. Oh wells, what to do? Not like compromising will make things work but we have quite a far apart idea and thinking in the life path that we want. Ok, enough talks about him.

Now my dream in 2019 is to get a steady improvement in pole, hopefully in the flexibility side since I am stiff as a stick and get healthier (fall sick less often) , less itch to my sensitive skin, turn prettier, and perhaps move out and be fully independent on my own? (that way I don’t think I have to rely on anyone anymore.?) Oh and last and importantly, 2019 is the last year of my flying contract and I hope they will renew my flying license if not it will probably be the last year of flying I guess. ( touch wood! I hope this doesn’t happen because I still love flying, even just doing turn-arounds, it’s still interesting in a way.)

Ok bye for now, I’ve got a Hangzhou layover with some nice people later on. Time to snooze. ❤

img_5656

(That’s me in Shanghai in 2018 on my birthday trip with the teddy that I won from claw machine.)

Nit Grits of Amritsar

Honestly, I have never really a fan of India but after frequently flying to Amritsar, I’m kinda getting used to it. I wouldn’t say I enjoy my layover there, but it was an interesting experience.

My first cafe experience in Amritsar and they were playing international pop songs but the Indian remake version. You would see couples going there for dates and girls tea time, it’s quite a really modern cafe setting in the very not to modern part of India.

The food looks pretty decent, sandwiches was great but desserts and slushies and milkshake was overloaded with sugar as usual.

Most of the time we would just order room service. It isn’t really that bad. Indian food is just high in calories, high sodium and high oil content. What else? 😛

Because the crew said it was cheap to do hair in Amritsar, my batchie and I decided to try and get our hair dyed, but honestly it’s cheap but the colors was very disappointing haha. Oh wells, for an interesting experience because we spend 6hours in the salon and sat till our butt ache for India is renown for their snail pace service.

On another flight, this captain was a frequent Amritsar flyer and hence he decided to bring the group of us out for some poori experience. I must say it was a fun ride on India’s tuktuk and heading to somewhere in “town” for a delicious poori meal and thankfully I did not had food poisoning! HAHA~

IMG_2799

Yes that’s the group of us and no, not the entire set of crew was there. I guess I was the only Singapore chinese crew that is adventurous enough to step out of the hotel to join them for some authentic poori food-venture! 😀

 

 

What should I do?

It’s July of 2018 and it’s been one year and entering 8th month of my flying career. My health has been ruined and my skin conditions has worsened. Nothing seem to be great. Even my flying roster is just a disappointment, months and months worth of Japan flight and some turnaround, and trying my luck to swap those Japan flight to my favourite China flights, and swapping of flights is harder than you think.

There, my love life, it wasn’t as colorful and vibrant as I used to imagine it would be when I was a little girl or when I started this site. I find myself sometimes feeling really unhappy and I don’t know why. I always wonder, is he the right guy? I keep asking myself but the truth, I don’t know the answer. And “que sera sera” whatever will be, will be, I let time tell everything… but then again, what should I do with my lost smile?

I still keep those beliefs of what I used to think was the right ones… but upholding these beliefs, they are harder than I can imagine it to be. Maybe I am a perfectionist. I guess. And that’s what is making me unhappy. I find happiness when I helped someone and that sense of satisfaction leaves me a happy smile deep down and on my exterior, beaming with joy.

With the travelling experiences and the many one-time encounters of different cultures and people, I could never comprehend, how could you let someone enter your life completely? Giving someone your heart completely, and taking care of him as though he is your one and only.

Then again, there was this one night during my layover, my Japanese roomie asked me so what kind of guys do you fancy? And she said, “mine, 1st, must be rich, 2nd, must be gentle, 3rd, someone that I can look up to”.

It left me thinking really hard, what did I want initially? Ohhhh that long list that I created when I was in my teens? Someone respectful, someone who makes me become a better person and someone who is not lazy, was what I eventually told her. But then I thought, “rich” is pretty essential in Singapore too, you definitely do not want to be living in poverty and struggling to make ends meet. What my Japanese roomie said wasn’t wrong too, someone to look up to, so he can lead the way, he can show you things you never seen before/heard/encountered before, that is pretty amazing too. This criteria seems kinda tough though, which means he has to be smart and have a rich life experiences.

And then it just hits me hard.

Everything that I imagine it would be was … well kinda WRONG.

 

 

A Year of Flying

It’s been a year plus a month since my first SNY (supernumerary flight aka training flight). All the things that I have been through, trashy flights, badly planned rosters, weirdo and faulty passengers, repeated flights in the same month, medical cases, stolen passport, weird roomies, and what else?

Sometimes, I’m just really exhausted to the point, hey, let’s give up layovers for a turn or a standby. It doesn’t matter if my allowances gets affected or I don’t get to travel as much. Yes, it kinda doesn’t matter anymore, because for this one year of flying, I gave up alot, on friendship, love life and most importantly, POLE-DANCING!

I realized how everyone has progressed so much and there’s me barely any progression and I feel miserable. Not only that, my flexibility remained stagnant and dropped alittle which is very depressing. I wish I was bendy as a rubber band now. Ok, now back to flying.

As flying is very interesting and amazing when I first started, this feeling seemed so surreal nowadays. I feel like I am dragging my soul and body to report for flight every single time. I’m not longer feeling that tinge of excitement and visiting the countries. I guess mainly it’s because of my roster, constantly getting Japan, Japan and more Japan. I am definitely not a great fan of Japan but rather China. I love visiting China, even if it’s over and over again, the passengers are humorously funny and cute for I rather be a “airplane guide” to explain to them how to use the toilet, how to order meals and such than to be using sign language to explain to a passenger which made me feel very worthless.

But then again, getting China flights is harder than you ever imagine. There are those people who are blessed with great rosters and there’s me trying hard to swap for a china flight even if it meant only just a night stay or having to take several standbys and turnaround flights for it.

I know I’m silly, But then again, when you are an unlucky person what else can you do? Sacrifices.

But probably not anymore this year. I’m really exhausted.

I thought so many times about quitting.

I wanted a more stagnant destination, I rather do same destination layovers over and over again, but definitely not Japan but somewhere in Asia. Hmmm

I wanted back my pole dancing life really badly. Really really.

I’m so sick of speaking English as a result my Chinese is getting very choppy.

Sometimes I just am so badly rested I wish I could stopped flying for a good one month.

DAMN.

妈妈,我又想你多一年了。

今天是新的一年,本应该是个非常开兴喜庆的日子。还记得那前几年你还在的日子,我都会和你一起在客厅里观看电视节目的新年倒数节目。可已经过了那么多年了,我都从来忘不了你离去的那一幕也忘不了你和我开心地度过的每一年,每一天,每一个节日。

可我今年病了,病得有点严重,但我昨晚回家时,脸色苍白,就连我的唇色也是白的,可那可恶的巫婆却当我一踏进门时却是“你为什么那么快回来?”,可我却低声的求她可以不可以帮我找哪里还有医生可以看病。她却骂我说,你活该,乱吃东西才会生病,并又和她娇贵的女儿说的有声有笑,可我真的一点力气也无法和她顶撞,躺在床上就这样昏睡过去了。

我真的很痛心,做为一个生我的母亲你连一个最基本的同情心也不舍我一点,我真的无话可说。就连你幼儿园的小朋友你都会带他们去看医生,但我可是你怀在肚子里9个月生出来的,但你连一点怜悯之心也无。我不知道我为什么一直抱着那薇薇的期望,希望有一天你会关心我一点,可我每次都告诉自己,别再骗自己了,妈妈也告诉我你的巫婆生母是不会回头的,她的迷信已经无法理喻,连平常人,辅导员都无法接通的。我的心还是算了吧。

可我。。。却还是有那么一点的心痛。

妈妈,如果你还在,我今天不会是个没人要的孩子。我真的很想你,真想你我生病的时候你为我做的一切。我常常都梦见你,可我知道你只能活在我脑海里,在我的心里。你留给我的所有东东,我都不要也从未动过,我只想用来换你这个人。

我不想继续伪装成一个非常独立又坚强的女生,其实我一点也不是,我有颗和玻璃一般的精碎的心,一碰就会碎。我经常出国旅行是为了逃避,为了想你更少一些,那短暂的忙碌已经开始让我的身体吃不肖,时不时就生病。

我知道我真的傻,傻的无可救药,但时光是无法倒流,我的心也只能一直一直地被这样则疼下去。

病了,但心也病得更加严重。

妈妈,你在天上是否还想起这个在地球上被折磨的孩子?

妈妈,新年快乐。

我一直都会想你。

嗯,当我在打出此文时,我的泪水已淹没了这整台电脑。

青岛葡萄收成季节

七月正巧是葡萄收成的时候,我也碰巧被安排到了青岛两晚的航班还有一组非常好玩又友善的机组人员,简直太开心了。那次的路程,机长是个即将在十一月退休的机长,他就因如此,每到一个城市都一定会约每各机组人员一同出外,吃个饭或去郊游,然后拍很多照片留着做纪念。

抵达青岛的第二天,我们大清早就被带到了青岛的葡萄种植园,到处能看到各家种植的不同品种的葡萄。我们到处逛逛可天空便开始下起细细的雨因此就匆匆地找家葡萄园开始我们的葡萄自助大餐。我们选定的那家葡萄园并未有很多葡萄品种能让我们品尝,而只有两种-巨峰和玫瑰红。

后来因为雨越下越大,我们只好坐着等到雨停,而为了打发时间变开始和葡萄园的阿姨聊起天,越聊越起劲时,阿姨便说副机长人很帅,问他有女友吗,机长便搞笑地撒谎说,“我的儿子很帅是吧,多亏我的基因,他现在是单身嘞!你有美女介绍给他吗?”

你们猜阿姨结果说了什么?

阿姨说,“哈哈你们父子真不像,但小帅哥,我的确有美女介绍给你。她还二十来岁,刚毕业还是个公司的会计。她就是我的女儿,她现在还在家里今天周末不用上班,我打个电话叫她过来葡萄园,待会你们可以交个朋友。” 一说完阿姨便拿起了手机拨打电话。

我们都傻了。。。

结果阿姨的女儿真的来了!我们就这样互相的认识了。一个下午就这样过去了。。。

我的葡萄收成体验日就到此结束 🙂

IMG_5895

谢谢大家让我有个美好的回忆,好的机组是真的很难得的合在一起,回忆就只能珍惜。<3

7/7 的牢骚

习惯了孤独自我的生活开始让我觉得自己无法容忍他人,是我脾气变差了,还是别人变得无可理喻?

别人把我当作理所当然,把我的生活和工作已他们所知其他的空乘描黑的负面连接在一起,无论我说什么,解释我的一面,他们就只信那扭曲的谣言。

什么空乘在国外风骚,有许多不告人知的秘密,外情,这简直一派胡言!胡说!别人是别人,我是我,我们只是穿着同样的制服,在同样的地方上同样的班,但人却是不一样的人,性格也毕竟不是一样的。他们有他们的选择,他们做他们的决定,管我什么事?他们的国外情事干我何事?

我就只爱吃,泡澡,赖床,健身,睡觉,或到处逛逛,我的国外生活就那么简单,说宅也行,可不信也就罢了,反正我就是那么简单的以为空乘,你们怎能和我跟他人并在一起抹黑事实???

反正朋友圈就是那么稀少了,再少也就这样吧,我也一个人惯了,独自跨国也挺好玩的,挺有满足感的。

* * * * *

还有呢我还没说完,世上哪有那么好的人,让你吃回头草,却一声也不吭,给你机会却你那三次你都迟到,一次等1小时20分钟,二次等40分钟,三次等1小时10分钟,我的人生从未等过一位伤过你的男生,还等了总3小时10分钟!这等候的时间我可以飞到广州去了!

还没和你算那吃回头草的帐,所谓错过了就是错过了,伤过了就是弥补不回了,可无论怎么弥补多少的伤痕是一定在的,虽然是不能和从前一样,但我还是傻傻地相信,人知错了是能给个改过的机会,可我却不知,我竟然给错了。

我无论有再多的不满,觉得自己似乎像是个备胎似的,他人起初选择了别人,结果别人却是个不专一的人,那过了连一个月都不到,就回头找我,我究竟是疗心处还是备胎车厂?我起初什么也都不说,(就如你们说的,我挑,可我现在证明我一点也没挑呀!)答应了见面,结果就等了1小时20分钟,我竟然傻傻地耐心等,自己到处晃还跑去吃晚餐,吃完了晚餐人都还没出现,但我还耐心地等着。。。我真的有事有那么一点佩服我有多大地度量和等人的耐心。。。真够笨!

但,一次是无意,二次是巧合,三次是故意,到了第三次我爆炸了,见面时间都给他挑,我只是随意罢了,结果我还要等?等等等, 哪有女生等男生的道理?还要等那么久,男生有需要化妆梳发的吗?还是临时出门前大姨妈找上门,需要掉头回去拿苏菲垫底?我真的忍无可忍了,这明明是点不尊重我嘛!迟到那么多次,每次都是借口多多,我真的是火爆了。

我开始觉得我真的有那么的太太太。。。太(x10000) 好了,好得不能再好了,这简直是欺人太甚了!我真的太傻,傻得不能再傻,但这也证明了,我根本没有挑,是他们欺人太盛,我已经到了定线!

一个人就一个人,我不想再被欺!

再来一遍

我最近真的是烦得不能在烦。

我就是不明白为什么朋友们都叫我改变自己,变来变去,难道就不能做我自己吗?

我真的很讨厌这社会那么现实,只注重他人的外表,以别人的外表而判断一个人的性格,为人。

我本来以为我其实真的有问题,但越飞越久,和同性恋的男生接触久后,他们的自信和生活的态度,让我感到十分佩服,非常值得学习。

我要从新再来,把我的朋友圈子里不该留回忆的人都全都删掉,忘了。

我想如果一直徘徊在过去的回忆里而不选择走出去,我只会越来越烦,只会痴心妄想,想些已不可能发生的事实了。

已放弃,已后悔的选择都也做了,只有勇敢地接受,才能往前走。。。

好吧,我下定决心了!

Sometimes

Sometimes I wish I did better.

Sometimes I wish I was a better person.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t a coward.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t an introvert.

Sometimes I wish I had the courage to make my decisions.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t this hesitant.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t this independent.

Sometimes I wish I could be more clingy.

Sometimes I wish I could care a little less bout others.

Sometimes I wish I could be more selfish towards myself.

Sometimes I wish I could be more self-centered.

Sometimes I wish I was born to be the opposite me.

Sometimes, I wish that everything would just start afresh,

and this sometimes just never seem to be able to happen.

 

 

4 months into flying

Ok, officially reached the 4months mark into flying. I’m not particularly thrilled over flying now, that I have reached 4 months, nearly 2 more months till probation ends if everything goes well.

Everyone has been asking been, how’s flying? How’s your flying life? Seriously, I will reply, up in the airplane, mundane and shitty. AND LAYOVERS? Fantastic and fabulous, lovin’ it.

AND WHY?

It must be the passengers. Haha nah you are so so so wrong about it.

Anyway, I’m thankful for the passengers at times, they really saved me for a lot from bad flights and maybe I have been in the hospitality industry for quite awhile, and the one hospitality motto that I learnt was to “treat others the way you want to be treated” and it has always been in my head no matter what, because it has never gone wrong till today.

And guess what, apparently most people disliked china flights because of the passengers but still I really like them for it’s really easy to engage in a conversation with them. They would ask alot about airlines and air attendants life and it’s always interesting to share with them little things that they would go “wow” and “oh” and helping them with their curiosity, it makes my day happier when they leave with a smile or a “谢谢” when they walk pass my door upon disembarkation.

Then again, I’m always having bad luck because I rarely get rostered to a china flight, my first and second month, I had none, and then I prayed so hard and finally I got 2, and then on this fourth month, I only had 1 and where do I frequent most? Australia and India and Saudi Arabia, they aren’t my cup of tea because I always have trouble speaking in English, while doing service, like my brain just doesn’t seem to be willing to process English quickly. It always take me like at least 5 seconds to digest one instruction in English, which is terrible. I have been trying really hard to speak English but ends up forever failing…oh wells, 2 more months till I can swap flights! Then I shall get swap away all other flights for just China.

Ok, I’m seriously a China fan here. I love their rich culture and history, and I feel so at ease down there, like as though I live there long long time ago, or maybe I do…hmm… But anyway, food in china is awesome, although they do have a weird smell but just put the food in your mouth, and bamn! That’s when magic works, the food would taste usually surprisingly delicious! And of course, the gyms in China hotels are well, amazingly fantastic. Like a downsize version of legit public gyms in Singapore, and well nobody gyms, so you get the whole entire gym to yourself! How awesome!

And I always do that satisfy my tummy first and then burn those sinful calories in the gym and that’s why I really like China that much.. Hahaha. 😛

Then again, there is so much happening and going on from june onwards and I don’t know how things will be like, I’m hoping for some good changes at least… *fingers crossed*

 

 

空荡荡的

最近老是忙着飞来飞去,往不同地国家奔跑,也忙着去找时间学钢管舞和健身,不然就是睡觉(不知怎么了,老是觉得很疲倦,大概时差和半夜班机的关系吧。)我总觉得时间不够用。

可当我在国外休息时或自己独自去走走时,才发现原来我又似乎的一点点不快乐。

我总会想起一些往事,我总觉得开始有点后悔放弃一些或许当时觉得是不好的东西,可不知是年龄大了,开始觉得或许如果当时没放下那些东西和事物,结局又会是如何的,或许我不会是空荡荡的一个人,或许我现在拥有两全其美的美梦。

但如果因害怕空荡荡的结果而选择了坚持和忍耐,我又会快乐吗?

嗨。。。烦死我了啦!

其实为什么要想那么多?

我自个也开始矛盾了。选择了,做出了决定,那就成定局了,何必在想些毫无意义的东东?

可在大多数的情况下,我始终还是觉得非常的空。

因麽嚒的离别我选择了当空姐,为了能在天空中飞行,能和她有更进一步的距离,但最大的原因还是为了逃避,逃避新加坡,逃避这个冷清的家,逃避这个现实。

有时当我坐在那空姐的宝座时,面对这乘客我不知不觉就会开始想:

  • 如果看见了老奶奶和她们的孙子坐在一块,我就会幻想如果奶奶还在,或许我现在或明天能拿假期带她出国游玩世界,那是我从小以来的梦想,长大后要用尽一切回报她用心把我带大。
  • 如果看见了双双对对的情侣,我就会开始觉的我为什么那么傻,选择了放弃而不厚着脸皮地去追,活着已经全力而不后悔的思想,或许现在不会是我一个人了。
  • 如果看见了一群朋友,我就会想,我的朋友个个都去哪了?怎么,我老是一个人,我就近是否真的有朋友?

其实,我不知道为什么要选择了活着追求生命的意义。至今年年过了一年,我始终还放不下我的阴影,也放不下对麽麽的思念,我老是觉得空荡荡的,不知活着到底实在为什么而活?毫无目标,人生计划地活着,我究竟是要如何地过日?

快乐是那么的短暂。。。

我不知是要感激你还是要怨恨你,但就因为你让我留下了许多美好的回忆,多得让我把恨和泪水都人间蒸发了。

或许我就是依然的那么的傻,但我还是要说声谢谢。

我真的很感激能认识你,特别是在我最需要鼓励和支持的时刻,你都在那里,每天都鼓励我要加油,就因如此,从我第一天开始我空姐训练课程直到我的一次的航程,因为有你的鼓励我才没有放弃,虽然天天都抱怨着和有想放弃的念头,但最终我坚持了到现在。

我们拥有非常相似的家庭背景和兴趣,似乎有聊不完的话题,我也不知道为什么,就有那邻家男生的风范,让我第一次遇见你时就没有那么尴尬,非常的亲切,好像在哪早已认识似的,或许就是这样,我开始渐渐的依赖你多以点,一点一点就变得很多,不知不觉,你变成我人生的一部分。

2016年是我一次,有人陪伴过圣诞,我感觉好幸福,好快乐,好像年年的圣诞愿望终于成真了。

我的第一次,能舒舒服服,靠着个男生看电影,让我感觉好像个小女生似的。

我的第一次,你带我去溜冰,我随意也就答应了,结果穿上溜冰鞋后开始大后悔,但有你的鼓励和你的辅佐,我也紧紧地,牢牢地牵着你的手,踏进了溜冰场。溜冰场的冷风有你温暖的手也便的暖和了起来。那一天我是多么的高兴,以为能真的牵着你的手走下去,不会再让我跌倒,结果却不是想象的一样。但,我非常感激你,谢谢你的鼓励和陪伴,让我尝试了我22年来不敢尝试的玩意。

你对女生的单纯,的尊重,让我相信了世上其实是有好男生的。

对不起,我暂时无法放弃我的空姐生活,回去学院当学生,我已爱上了四海为家,流浪天涯的生活,可我也已努力尝试找时间陪伴你,但你也不够满足,因为你自己也忙着追求自己的梦想。可是,我也记得那一天,我在印度的早晨,你让我崩溃了,心痛极了,要不是有工作能麻醉我的那个伤痛,和空姐朋友们的鼓励叫我振作,我想我可没那么容易的放下,熬过来。

她们告诉了我要学会感激,拿得起放的下,放开心怀,因为选择了追求空姐的梦,就有些留不住的东西,就必须放下,这样才能快乐一点。

我反反复复常常在飞机起飞和降落的时候,都在反省,就在那天津的航班,我终于想通了。

谢谢你,让我留下了许多美好的第一次的回忆,但我这个傻大姐还是要继续拉着我的行李箱到世界各地。

祝你快乐 🙂

img_2280

TPE on Annual Leave

I was supposedly to return on the noon of 1st January and had plenty of time before my impromptu flight to TPE that same day’s midnight but because Jeddah had a massive delay due to customs slow procedures and first availability of aircraft we were delayed over and over again and even worst, the bad weather extended the flight time and we ended up landing at almost to 6pm in the evening. It was so rushed for me as I had to go home and unpacked my stuff and repack them and head back to the airport.

I hadn’t slept for the entire night and what’s worst was we exceeded our flight duty time of 13hours and could in fact stepped down but everyone wanted to go home, so we persevere and flew on a completely FULL flight with no available seats for crew rest so I ended up dozing off on the plane once stepped on board and slept through the flight till I landed in TPE.

img_2001

Thanks to this set of lovely crews who made Jeddah possible. ❤

After landing in TPE, the first thing I went was the 7-eleven at the airport to grab my japanese rice ball and chun cui he before taking the coach down to Taipei! I was way to early for check in so I left my luggage at the hotel and went out walking around XimenDing for breakfast before heading to underground mall at Taipei Main Station for shopping.

img_2072

It was pretty early and most shops had yet to open. I was really blessed to be back here. So much memories of the good and the bad.

I went cosmetics shopping too at Watsons. They had so much stuffs and especially the eyeshadows. LOVE IT!

Guess what I bought at the underground mall? Furry pyjamas and umbrella haha! Don’t ask me why I buy umbrella from Taiwan because they have the prettiest umbrellas as compared to sg’s. Hehe

img_2101

See the racks full of drinks and those cun chui he bottles are calling my name! Pls buy me haha

img_2102

I had these for supper on my first night in Taipei, you should totally try the Taiwan fruit beers they are really tasty and of course that gooey Mister Cheese potato!!!!!!! They are heavenly if shared haha, too much for me but I finished the entire portion. I’m on my way to become ah buiii …

Free breakfast buffet at the hotel lobby, I took a bowl of my favourite Lu Rou Fan. Who eats fat meat for breakfast? Me!

It was pretty chilly in Taiwan so I was donned on with layers of clothes and because I missed pole so badly, I decided to attend a walk-in pole class at Young Aerial Dance Studio which was within walking distance from the mrt. They taught me plenty of tricks and one of them was the brass monkey. The teacher was nice and I paid quite an affordable price (NTD399) for walk-in. I really love it, I would go there again if I had the chance to fly to Taipei again hopefully as one of my layover stays.

I bought these for supper for my day 2 night, Seaweed Mayo big sotong! It was super delicious, you guys should try it!

img_2165

This was my last day’s breakfast in the hotel. Nothing fantastic but it fills your tummy.

img_2170

Arashi ramen before I call it the last meal of my Taipei getaway!

img_2171

Ok, so apparently I was late for my flight again. This time it was because the bus that was suppose to go to the airport the terminal had shifted and plus there is now only one bus company that provide coach service from Taipei Main Station to airport and the queue was insanely long. I had to queue and the bus had terrible jams on the way and I reached 10 minutes after the boarding had closed. And thank god because I had crew pass, I could use the priority boarding and the staff gave face because I was a crew. Else I would be in deep shit as I had a long chennai turn the next day and the next flight was in the morning.

img_2186

The insanely amount of stuff I bought from like bath salts that I could use during my china layovers and masks and oh, I should totally recommend you guys this cosmetic brand called Miss Hana! I love their lippies as they last very very long and they are available only at 86 Shop, there is 2 of such shops in XiMenDing, not sure about the other locations, perhaps you might need to google.

It was a pretty fruitful stay in Taipei I have to admit even though it was really short, but it was much needed after all the flying and having to serve passengers, I needed to be a passengers and be served too! Ok, and travelling solo has gotten me way addicted than before. I love the huge queen/king bed and a whole hotel room to myself, no more having to bunk in with the crews or having to share a room. I could blast my own music, dance to the music to myself and of course, no one will laugh at me for being such a clown.

I truly can’t wait for the next solo trip. xoxo

SNY Checked, 1st Solo, in due time

6 weeks of training passed really quickly and in no time, I started my first training flight to Guangzhou. I was really nervous but thankfully the crews were really nice to us and guided me along patiently.

All I could remember was that on the 2nd day of my training, I really wanted to give up as I wasn’t able to get used to going back to study and donning on full makeup and most importantly waking up super early because I lived far away from training school. I guess that’s where your batchmates comes in. I became very close with this batchie who was an intern from my diploma and she, herself was a reminder to me why I joined cabin crew. I remembered I had braces and I couldn’t apply for cabin crew for internship which was one of the regrets I had and of course, she constantly reminded me and encourage me each and everyday and day after another, time flew. The next thing I knew, we were on our last training class and SNY (supernumerary flight aka training flight) was just the next day. I was assigned a Guangzhou turn and a Nanjing layover.

I was really blessed to be able to get China flights for training because I’m more of a chinese person so it was easier for me to be talking to the passengers and most importantly, I was able to learnt chinese aircraft terminalogy from my mentors which I never had the opportunity to learn in school.

The next day was my Nanjing layover and the flight was delayed for an hour due to busy air traffic in China. We reached our crew hotel an hour late and well, the weather in Nanjing was freezing cold. I think it was 8 degree Celsius. I was really really excited because it was my first time in Nanjing and the senior crews brought me out for dinner and we braved through the chilling wind and jumped around like little kangaroos to keep ourselves warm. It was really funny and I still remember the scene vividly.

Anyway, I cleared my SNY and I was a little not that confident because I was really nervous about forgetting stuffs, especially with numbers and I had to always constantly go through those important figures before flight to refresh my old granny memory.

My first solo to Melbourne is at midnight today and I’m really nervous. I haven’t been to Australia before and I hope I don’t end up looking like a lost sheep hehe.

I guess this is probably the last time I’m going to post about my crew life until I pass my 6 months probation and for those who dream of being a cabin crew, like I’ve mentioned before in my previous cabin crew interview post, if that’s your dream, keep trying for the interview till you make it. The training journey may be tough and arduous, and there will be ups and downs, there will be times you feel like giving up or doubting yourself, especially the initial phase because you haven’t been studying for a long while, it takes a really long time for your brain to process information and remembering it, but one important thing is that, don’t give up. Make friends with your batchies, like me, I may not be an extrovert, but at least have one or two close batchmates, they will keep you company and give you the encouragement you need and most importantly, your pillar of support to help each other complete the training journey.

Well, dream big and be that 大不死的小强!

Have a lovely saturday.

Signing off 😀

Solo Travels: Bangkok

It was a really last minute impromptu decision to go on a getaway in late october and even though everyone was telling me not to go alone, I decided to ignore their nasty opinions on the notion of “dangerous”, “scary” and all sorts of other comments like getting robbed, or kidnapped and when ahead as planned because I asked, and everyone wasn’t free and I decided to go solo again since it was really enjoyable on my last solo trip as I had the luxury of time and decision to plan my own schedule.

Initially I was indecisive between going to KL or BKK and eventually, I chose BKK because

  1. Price (cost of going to KL and BKK was almost the same, so why not go further.)
  2. SCOOT happen to have a sale (2 way tickets nett was SGD91.41!)

Eventually I book my tickets with Scoot but on NOKScoot website instead of Scoot website to avoid the hefty credit card fees of $27 on Scoot website and instead I paid only $8 on NOKScoot website, HEHE, I’m the perfect budget traveller!

26Oct: TZ298, SIN(06:30)-DMK(08:25)

28Oct: TZ291, DMK(15:50)-SIN(19:15)

It was my first time to be on Scoot all Boeing 787 planes and I was really excited as the last time I took Scoot was a few years back when Scoot first started with Boeing 777 planes that were obtained from its parent company, SIA.

Before my trip, I had researched alot to ensure that my trip would be safe and that I would not miss my flight like before anymore and because Thailand’s king passed away 2 days after I booked my flight, I had to ensure that I follow some of their culture to make sure that I do not offend them since they were in their 30days mourning period.

As well as, it was my first time getting to Don Mueang Airport instead of the new Survarnabhumi Airport which had airport rail that I could access to the city. There were barely any information on getting out of Don Mueang Airport and I don’t really trust their taxis especially when I’m alone. (I shall share with you the transport information more later in the parts of my Day 1).

As for my hotel, I had done all my researched based on their distance from the BTS and of course, I needed a bathtub HAHA. I had shortlisted a few hotels like:

  • The Heritage Silom
  • I Residence Silom
  • Salil Soi 11 (I saw this hotel in my last trip to Bangkok and it looks promising and new.)
  • Admiral Premier
  • Bangkok City Hotel
  • Luxx at Silom
  • Citichic by Icheck Inn

In the end, I chose I Residence Silom over The Heritage Silom although both were similar and were right beside each other because of the price, IResidence Silom was slightly cheaper than The Heritage Silom. I booked it at $109.44 nett for 2 nights, which included complimentary breakfast for 2. The hotel was 0.1km walk from BTS Chong Nongsi and had a nice rooftop pool. (Ok, I kinda regret it, as it was a quite an old hotel that was badly maintained…but still, I miss Aloft Sukhumvit!)

*********

Day 1: I packed my backpack at night after I ended work at 5pm and left home around 10.30pm and took bus 45 to Serangoon MRT before heading to Changi Airport. I reached Changi Airport around 11.30pm and it was very empty and quiet, beside the long queues at the taxi stand of the arrival hall, there was barely anyone at the walkways. I headed to Xin Wang at around 12.15am to get some supper and stayed there till 1.45am before heading to Terminal 2 Departure hall.

This was my supper, I was actually craving for Koi Milktea and Ramen but I guess this is the best that I could get and it cost me almost $18 bucks for supper. YIKES!

On my way from Terminal 3 to Terminal 2, look at how empty the link bridge is and there’s me in the lift with only eyebrows drawn, looking nervous, excited and yet sleepy.

img_2149

I headed to the end of Terminal 2 where Scoot/Tiger Check in Row is and apparently, it was still open and I manage to check in, in advance before the check-in counter opens! So apparently in Changi Airport we are able to check in ahead of the usual 3 hours. That was cool! And the blur me didn’t even know this until this day, damn I could have my supper in the transit terminal with more delicious options! GRRR.

Anyway, after checking in and clearing immigration, I decided to find a table and chair to sleep and eventually doze off at the area where the computers are until 3.45am where they had a routine check and one of the airport police officer woke me up to ask for my passport and boarding pass. After the commotion, I couldn’t get back to sleep anymore and I went walking around and found myself this little corner with movie screening and quiet corner on the L3 near the transit hotel that was only accessible by this hidden lift in a corner, DAMN, I was looking for this place the whole time! I didn’t spend much time there before my stomach started growling and it was time for breakfast. HAHA

img_2150

I went to 7-11 to grab some drinks and guess what I saw, Chun Cui He Latte in the fridge! I was thrilled and I grab one bottle and started slurping like a happy little girl and got myself some waffles biscuits to snack on while on board.

I boarded the 787 plane at around 6.10am and I was indeed well fascinated by the window seat as the windows were controlled by some buttons panels which allow me to adjust the shades level, NO MORE USE OF WINDOW SHADES like the A320 Neos hahaha!

img_2167

Look at how pretty the sunrise was and the ginormous wings of the Boeing 787!

img_2168

We landed approximately at 7.30am sharp (Bangkok Time) and the flight journey took only 2hours! Love how speedy 787 is as compared to A320s hehe! Anyway before the plane landed, some random thai guy came and sat on my row of random blue and started talking to me and then asked to exchanged numbers and asked where I would be staying…FISHY! I wasn’t really willing to talk and had to pretend to fall asleep, WHY WOULD YOU PICKUP A GIRL ON THE PLANE TSKKK!

Stepping my very first foot into DMK Airport, well it was kinda older than Survarnabhumi airport but not as worst as I was expecting like the Phuket Airport hahaha. And there’s the pretty 787 fella who brought me to Bangkok! YEAHHH, holidays officially starts!

Ok, so clearing the immigration took a really long while as although I landed at 7.30am BKK Time, I managed to clear immigration at 8.40am, the queue was effing slow and long even though I was on the ASEAN line, but at least there was WIFI to keep me occupied HEHE!

Upon exiting the airport, right outside the exits, you’ll see counters for taxis and buses…So there’s two viable options for me, take the airport buses A1/A2 (30baht per trip) or the newly launch Airport Limoexpress (150 baht per trip).

FYI: Airport buses A1/A2, A1 buses runs to MO CHIT while A2 buses ends at BTS Victory Monument. I forgot the first bus, but the buses starts pretty early. Eventually I took the A2 bus to BTS National Stadium. The A2 buses stops at several stops, like around (4-5stops) and as well as Mo Chit BTS, Saphan Kwai BTS, Ari BTS, Sanam Pao BTS and lastly ends at Victory Monument BTS bus interchange.

As for the Airport Limoexpress, you will have to book via the website: http://www.limobus.co.th/ , a day ahead of your trip, the earliest bus started only at 0930 (BKK time) from DMK to either Khao San or Silom. Initially, I booked the bus at 0930, however I did not expect Scoot to land way ahead of time and hence I decided not to wait till 0930 since I was out of the airport at 0845.

These were information I found on the website, and it was pretty true. The buses were rather old, similar to those I took before from Johor, Malaysia back to my grandparent’s place in Kota Tinggi. The bus driver will have a ticket assistant whose English is understandable, so it was easy to ask her which stop to alight.

Since it was my first time on the bus, I wanted to sat nearer to front so that I wont miss my stop and ended up there was only the front seat left, so I sat behind the driver. HAHA, and there’s my tiny little bus ticket!

The bus journey was about an hour long.When I reached Victory Monument interchange, I had to climb up to the overhead bridge link to get to the BTS. Everyone was wearing black, and thankfully I wore black too! The BTS took quite awhile to reach and I think I reach BTS Chong Nonsi station at around 1015 if I remembered correctly.

The hotel front desk was hard to locate as it was right in the carpark area and it took me awhile and asking hotel guests before I could find it. HAHA. So I asked for check in and as usual, they need to photocopy your passport and 1000baht deposit. Surprisingly, my room was ready and it was on the 8th floor.

img_2179

The room was pretty small, from what I booked actually…

Views from my hotel room of the BTS before I requested for a room change down to the a lower floor room because the room type that I book wasn’t available on the higher floor thats why they downgraded me to give me a higher floor? WHAT IS THIS? Anyway, I was then given a 3rd floor room with no view. The view was their entrance of their meeting room building and rooftops of neighbouring units…OH WELLS 😦

I didn’t stay in my room much as there was this creepy feeling to that room or maybe that hotel. Or maybe it’s just me… I don’t know.

Right after I settled down, I headed straight out to Union Mall (Phahon Yothin MRT Station) and doze off in the train hahahah!

img_2183

I went straight to KFC to search for that delicious tomyum chicken cutlet rice but it wasn’t available anymore so I took the escalator back up to that boat noodles shop that previously Felicia brought me to.

img_2185

There’s beef tendon balls, thick pork soup noodles, thai beancurd noodles and afterwhich I ordered a thick beef soup noodles and a longan drink. I can’t remember how much I spend anyway haha.

I went shopping and there wasn’t really much to buy as everything was black and black and more black and things were kinda pricier than before. I only bought a 2tops a cardigan (180baht) and some cute little pens at 20-30baht each.

After which at around 4pm, I decided to head back to the hotel. On my way back, I stopped by at Silom Complex, it was like a mini version of the megamalls. It had plenty of food options at the basement and there was KRISPY KREME! img_2186

It was raining heavily and seeing Ippudo, it literally was calling my name to step in. HAHA. Ramen cravings satisfied anyway! YEAHHHs. After ramen, I went to the supermarket nearby to stock up my food and drinks and the supermarket has barely foreigners, mostly locals and they were talking to me in thai hahaha!

img_2191

Here’s my Strawberry Yoghurt donut I think or was it Strawberry Cheesecake? It cost only 30baht!!!

img_2189

After heading back to the hotel from Silom Complex, I unload my shopping bag before heading out for dinner at MBK, at BTS National Stadium Station. I wanted to buy some sweet smelling scrub from Beauty Buffet but it was 300ml and I realized I didn’t had any check-in luggage purchased. DAMN. So I went up to the foodcourt to get my dinner, thai basil pork rice. I sat there for a really long while till the food court close haha, I was using the free wifi at the foodcourt because my hotel wifi signal was so bad, my iphone couldn’t connect to the wifi at all.

Until, I was booted out of the food court, I realize I forgot the refund my foodcourt’s food purchase card and I had 80 baht left inside, oh wells, there goes my money…

I ended my night early for Day 1 as I was super super MEGA TIRED.

Day 2: I almost couldn’t wake up in time for breakfast. I woke up at 0915, washed up pretty quickly before rushing down for breakfast as breakfast close at 1000 sharp.

Breakfast was on the 10th floor, the highest floor where the rooftop pool is.The staff at the icafe which they call it for their breakfast is pretty friendly. They had a salad bar which has a variety of food which I did not touch because I saw plenty of housefly flying around haha. They had a toaster with a small selection of bread and rolls to choose from, 2 juice options and milk, coffee/tea options and then porridge, 1 soup option and several hot food choices.

I took the guava juice which was pretty tasty and my favourite cream corn soup, super delicious!!! And the yakisoba which was super tasty and chicken potato stew was good too, the rest just mehhh, not that fantastic.

Yes the reason I wanted a room change was because of the window sofa bed but sadly the low floor one had no view at all and I was very disappointed. But one of the reason that I enjoyed travelling alone is because I get the luxury of the entire queen size bed to myself. I don’t get to enjoy this on normal day since my bed is just a single size one and room square metres of 34! That’s a good big space for one person!

And my morning soak with the fizzing cubes from Sephora!

After which it was a day at Pratunam Market, Platinum Mall and Big C! So I alighted at Ratchathewi BTS Station and walked there and guess what, the new link bridge is up which links you to Platinum Fashion Mall, although parts of it is still in the process so that you can be linked from Big C to platinum but the link bridge is really well designed!

Guess where I was heading to for lunch?

Yes that Soi 19 Petchaburi wanton mee! And a random green milk tea from a road side tall that cheated me with over half cup of ice! GRRR

And then shopping at Pratunam market, honestly it was really really hard to shop alone because it was hard to bargain ALONE! Damn but still I manage to get some clothes at less than 150baht. HEHEHE and I got a really pretty bikini for 380baht sadly.

img_2352img_2353

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Ok, took this in my room, you gotta pardon my messy room)

After Pratunam Market, it was time to shop at Platinum Mall, and honestly there wasn’t any fancy clothes that I like. They look really boring and dull or maybe it was because of the mourning phrase.

I don’t know what’s so fancy about escalators I guess I was too bored. HAHA

I’m up at the food court again for food.

I bought my card and got myself a seat to put my heavy shopping bag before heading to get my foooooooood!

img_2256

Taddaaa stir fry tomato pork fusilli and my favourite thai green tea!

After dinner, I left Platinum Mall and headed off to my favourite place.

BIG C SUPERCENTREEEE!!!

Don’t you love grocery shopping heheheehe! I think spend like a few hours in the supermarket combing for my favourite drumstick biscuits and sadly they didn’t had it until I found it in my hotel 7-eleven.

img_2276

I was extremely fascinated by their supermarket alcohol varieties! They had so much unique flavored liquors that Singapore doesn’t have! I really wished I could bring them back, DAMN!

My last stop of the day was this shop to customize your name on a leather passport holder with one free charm which cost me 100baht! And of course, I sat outside the shop as there was free wifi again haha!

img_2355

 

 

So this was the amount of snacks that I bought! It was really alot!!!

img_2290

I didn’t but much clothes but mostly for work.

img_2296

And I ended up night with 7-eleven food and a bottle of Melon Smirnoff! Delicious!

Day 3: I woke up late again as usual, and headed late for breakfast haha.

Breakfast wasn’t as delicious as yesterday’s. Cream of seafood was tasty, French toast was alright, fried rice were alright and five spice pork noodles were tasteless and cold. Cabbage with bacon was too much and chicken was tough.

This was the dining area, it’s quite small actually, there’s an air-conditioned room with no view so I’ll rather sit outside since it isn’t that humid.

The pretty infinity pool! But I didn’t go for a swim because the weather was pretty chilly.

The view from the swimming pool area.

Before checking out, I wanted to head to the Rainbow Unicorn Cafe that everyone was raving about but turns out that some horrible website stated 10:30 am as their opening hour and turns out that they hadn’t open when at reach at 11:00am as they stated there 12:00pm. DAMN! I couldn’t wait as I had to check out by 12:30 and head to the airport so I left.

img_2324

And I sat at Mcdonalds with my SGD3 Large Size Matcha frappe and free wifi till 12.20pm before heading my to the hotel to check out.

After checking out, I took the BTS to Mo Chit Station and saw this nail place that provides Gelish Manicure for only 200BAHT???! Damn why hadn’t I notice this place.

Then I took a left turn to that overhead bridge, down the stairs and to the bustop with sign that said Chatuchak-Don Mueang! And waited for about nearly 20minutes before the A2 bus came and board it to head to DMK! Thankfully traffic was smooth flowing and I arrived at the airport super early!

After getting my boarding pass, I went to 7-eleven to purchase my favourite microwave food and sat there eating like a total backpacker even though there are plenty of affordable food at DMK as compared to the overpriced airport food at BKK airport.

And I never realize that every Scoot plane had a name!

img_2346

And I returned to Singapore safely with a enowned rainbow lighting from the interior cabin. Guess what happened again? There was this Indian man who sat beside me and tried to hitch on me and said he was from Nepal and so on, and upon landing he wanted to exit quickly when the lady sitting at the exit aisle is not yet leaving and that Nepal guy hit me on my head, I nearly lose my cool and wanted to whack him…but I didn’t and left the plane with my blood boiling. HMPH 😦

img_2354

Yes and I bought a new bottle of peach liquor from duty-free! 😀

The trip could have ended well if that Nepal man did not hit me on my head, which man hits a woman? COME ON…

Anyway end of story, no point grumbling xx