HIM: Introducing- How we met?

If you have been with me for a very time, you’ve probably read all the articles that I wrote about my feelings and love, expectations of a boyfriend, etc etc…

BUT, I have never mention one before. Reason being, despite all the dates that I have been out with the various guys, from clubs, from Tinder & Okcupid, none of them are great, maybe one or two was kinda boyfriend material, but most wanted to get laid, to get me into their bed. I never met someone from school before, a guy that chase me, because I was this ugly girl and anti-social.

I could say even my part time job back then, I always mingled well with the aunties than people of my age, because I had difficulty finding common topic. And of course, my special family background, no one could understand it. Most people think, I was lying.

Obviously, I wasn’t if you have known me.

Maybe, it’s time to introduce him.

Around November 2018, I kinda completed my first year of flying and job, was more stable as I knew what to do basically and tasks in hand, maybe just not perfect with handling situations yet. I got kinda bored with flying life, and I realise that I haven’t been dating and there was no luck in my love life. The guys in my workplace, majority are gays, they are so cute to talk to, but they like guys, and the rest, mostly are attached, and some I didn’t really like because I don’t like guys that weighs around my weight. Then, I have been back on Tinder for quite awhile on and off because Tinder’s guys profiling was getting worst, and there were more guys looking for ONS and FWB than serious relationship.

On 13 Dec 2018, one fine boring afternoon that I was having my off day, laying on bed as usual, I was swiping on Tinder randomly, aimlessly, swiped through a couple bunch of guys, until this guy that I had quite an impression because of his photos. The first photo he had was a selfie in the lift and lifting his T-shirt up to capture his abs and I found it dodgy, but his thick black framed specs kinda caught my attention, I swiped to see his second photo, it was a gym photo, and he look well, ermmm fierce. Usually gym guys photos look like either muscular cool or muscular cute but for his guy he is fierce. It’s ok, I went on with his third photo, he had a friendly nice smile. Well, I always had a thing for  guys who gym and the bigger the muscles, the better. For they would better understand that girls who pole is definitely not a stripper or someone who does lap dancing. So I swiped right to him, despite him not looking handsome in his photos, maybe for that smile, black specs, and muscles I swiped right to him.

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(this was one of his profile pictures)

Awww, I know you’ll be thinking, what a judge mental bitch, isn’t it? But hey what else can you see from a Tinder profile’s beside photos and maybe a sentence of introduction?

And unexpectedly, WE MATCHED!

(At that time, I gotta admit as a girl, I get matches too easily, so I don’t really have that excitement as compared to a guy I guess. It was like hey, he matched me, ok. Let’s see if he’ll start a convo, else it will be another number adding to my numerous amount of match. HAH)

Ok, before I continue on with this post, I will be writing everything based on my account and from my perspective. So, please don’t judge. I totally appreciate that.

Let’s continue…

Maybe hours lately, I can’t remember too clearly, he started to talk to me, on Tinder for quite awhile, he asked me my favourite food which was cheese fries from kfc at that time and he love it as well haha! Also, finding out that he was actually ok and understanding towards pole dancing was very important to me. Then he had a liking towards cats and at that time my silly fella MiMi was still around (it was important he was accepting towards stray cats because I hated guys who tell me eww why do you touch stray cats they are so dirty and gross) and I thought, wow this guy seems nice! He likes to gym, looks kinda decent and respectful, likes cats, older than me (by that tiny bit but still…important), shares quite a fair bit of common food interest, like sashimi and cheese fries, and acceptance towards pole dancing, doesn’t smoke (a serious deal breaker), not below 170cm (I had this weird thinking that if I wear heels, he must not be shorter than me).

At that point in time, I was bringing my giant bag of clothes to the laundry shop , those self coin operated kind to get my clothes washed. My parents were nuts that the house is not allowed to buy a washing machine and that crazy birth mum of mine didn’t allowed my to hang my laundry out to dry because she said it’s dirty and superstitious stuff, she always threw my freshly laundered clothes that were wet right at my room door. Rude af. That how I ended up having to bring my clothes to laundry shop to wash and then do the drying there as well, and to save money, I actually accumulate my clothes to one week or two weeks worth so that the washing machine is filled to the brim. So while waiting for laundry to be washed, I texted him on Tinder.

I can’t remembered when, he asked me for my number, but it was definitely before my very first Harbin flight that I managed to swapped into. The day before my Harbin flight, we took a step from Tinder chat to WhatsApp.

After reaching Harbin, I was so excited because for the first time ever, I got my own room! I did not had to share with the crew because the crew leader bought her own room, and I was thrilled. I took lots of photos and videos on instastory and I had to connect to VPN to reply to this guy as well because I told him that I would reply him when I reached. Stupid VPN, took me awhile to get connected because China had a limitation ban on IG, FB, WA, basically non-China apps. Thankfully the hotel wifi was strong, and connecting VPN was easy. Eventually I realise that it just so happened that I got a room with good wifi connectivity. So I send him a WhatsApp text and the view of Harbin in my room, probably the first person that I share the joy and excitement with, because Harbin was one of the destinations that I wanted to go before I started flying and the airline finally launched the route to Harbin!

Anyway, when I came back from Harbin, this guy asked me to meet him for a kfc meal and would treat me to cheese fries, and I turned him down. Reason being, I barely talked to him for a week and he wanted to asked me out already? I felt it was too fast because of my past Tinder dates and experiences, guys who usually rushes to the girl tends to had ill intentions. Usually if I turned the guy down, they would move on and look for another target.

But! This guy still kept the conversations on with me, although he was slightly ‘colder’ in chats and few days passed, he asked me out again on a Christmas date. This time, I agreed because I felt that it was going to be 2 weeks of chatting and getting to know the person online, maybe it’s time to get to know him in real life.

I know it was still kinda a little fast for me as I only meet them after chatting for 1-3 months later. Since it was Christmas and no guys I have ever dated did asked me out on a Christmas date, so why not right? Plus he said he was going to make plans, so I though it was be an auspicious date to go out on a date with. (I had this special thing with me about Christmas and Chinese New Year because Christmas to me was the time to celebrate with your loved ones and the joy of gifting and celebration for working hard the entire year).

It will be memorable.

And let’s keep the part on our first date in another post because this is getting too lengthy.

xxx

to be continued…

Bad news and good news, which would you like to hear?

Ok, maybe i’ll give you the bad news first so you’ll probably understand things better, or probably it will flow better in an chronological order.

and… pardon my English, I haven’t been willing to speak english at work lately, because i’m kinda into Chinese lately.

Feb 2019: I was admitted to hospital twice right after CNY because I kept vomiting non-stop after eating and even just plainly drinking water (ok i gotta admit maybe I induce some of it because the nausea feeling in me was so intense and I felt cold, pain, and awful) , the doctor send me for CT scan but they couldn’t find anything wrong with my stomach beside that it was inflamed and red. They said it was gastroenteritis but it was weird that mine didn’t recover like normal patients did and the vomiting keeps coming back when I was discharged home.  Then they probably felt it had something to do with psychological issues, they called an counseller to attend to me, and yeah, she felt that it was probably boyfriend issues and mostly, family issues.

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( I was on drip always Everyday and I hated the iv plug, it was major discomfort and pain)

I had a hard time with family as usual, and with CNY, a festive period, they usually be even more nuts than usual, and I was so stress, praying that my roster had more layovers, but I had more turnaround flights which meant I had to spend time at home. I was on the verge of breaking, she would scold me right before I go to work for the most ridiculous reasons, and sometimes waking up at wee hours just to catch me before I go to work and vent her anger on me when I didn’t even talked to her at all or did anything that relates to her. I cried almost every time on the Grabhitch ride to airport. And layovers were the best time of my life. I felt peace.

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(He came after his work to surprised me with this!)

Anyway, my vomiting stopped after a lot of medicine and somehow things got slightly better because of March roster and i went on a solo trip to Korea, I felt happier.

Jun 2019: I nearly broke up with him because he lied. ( which he said he didn’t because he just simply chose not tell me ) I felt like crap because I love him for his honesty and that he was a very loyal person and wouldn’t flirt with any other girls but he did. My heart was shattered. I had no idea what to do. I love and trusted him wholeheartedly thinking that he will be my last and my only, but now… I shan’t explain the details because I chose to forgive him despite all 100% odds that if I do tell you what happened everyone else will tell me not leave. Ever since then I kinda feel insecure once awhile and I had to go back to pole-dancing to curb this insecurity because once scarred, there will be a scar. I took a leap in faith against everyone’s advice, and chose to give him this chance,  I hope I won’t regret when I come back to this post in maybe 5 ? Or 10 years time.

Aug 2019: The vomiting came back again, it was serious than ever, I had to admit myself to the hospital. This time the doctor was perplexed because the frequency of my gastroenteritis relapse was too frequent, so they send me for a scope where they put this tiny camera through my mouth, down the throat to the stomach to see what’s going wrong with it. And again, they found nothing abnormal beside the redness which was due to it inflamed. This time, they sent a psychologist along with a counsellor to my hospital bedside to ‘talk’ to me. As usual they realise it’s family issues, and the only way was that I leave this place of hell that I once called home because my vomiting issue was getting serious and they doubt that it will completely cure. Psychologically, my body has already chose to vomit because once I am overly stressed out, my stomach will overproduce gastric juices which are the yellow or green fluids that I always puke. They gave me the encouragement to move out, because counselling me would not helped me at all, despite them wanting to help me.

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(I know I look pale and frail here, needing oxygen to breathe.)

Sep 2019: HOOHOO!  I found a place! I moved out officially, although I still go back to that hell place once awhile to collect my letters and the little things I need that weren’t so important to bring over to the room that I rented because I had too many things. Moving out alone was a huge difficult chore because he was not free and I had to move alone, I made so many trips to and fro, so many carsickness moments, aching arms. Sometimes, I really feel proud of myself that I can carry so many heavy bags without a man’s help, although I probably look like a clown and hideous cause I’m sweaty by the end of it. Mhmm, I’m officially out of that hell place, although there’s loads of memories of there with grandma, whom I really miss dearly.

Honestly, after moving out,  I kinda realised I’m all alone. Like I don’t have friends that really care. Those so-called bffs are just fake. And the worst thing of moving out, I can’t feed any stray cats anymore. My stray furry friends are my go-to when I’m down and bored, I always spend hours with them, they are just so entertaining and therapeutic. The landlord doesn’t approve of any pets, and the neighbourhood has no stray cats because it’s a pretty new neighbourhood, sadly. And cooking is now much difficult because the owner only approves of light cooking, so basically I do microwave cooking haha and rely on food delivery on lazy days or when I’m sick.

And my gastric vomiting still occurs… usually in the morning when I wake up, all the yellow gastric juices will be out and by the later of the day after I had some food and juices, it gets better.

I shall keep my updates of my life, till here.

‘I know I haven’t been updating of my travel trips that I made this year.  I shall do so soon since my ankle is sprained from work injury and I’m down from flying temporarily, urgh, there goes my  favourite Osaka and guangzhou layover. *sobs*

7/7 的牢骚

习惯了孤独自我的生活开始让我觉得自己无法容忍他人,是我脾气变差了,还是别人变得无可理喻?

别人把我当作理所当然,把我的生活和工作已他们所知其他的空乘描黑的负面连接在一起,无论我说什么,解释我的一面,他们就只信那扭曲的谣言。

什么空乘在国外风骚,有许多不告人知的秘密,外情,这简直一派胡言!胡说!别人是别人,我是我,我们只是穿着同样的制服,在同样的地方上同样的班,但人却是不一样的人,性格也毕竟不是一样的。他们有他们的选择,他们做他们的决定,管我什么事?他们的国外情事干我何事?

我就只爱吃,泡澡,赖床,健身,睡觉,或到处逛逛,我的国外生活就那么简单,说宅也行,可不信也就罢了,反正我就是那么简单的以为空乘,你们怎能和我跟他人并在一起抹黑事实???

反正朋友圈就是那么稀少了,再少也就这样吧,我也一个人惯了,独自跨国也挺好玩的,挺有满足感的。

* * * * *

还有呢我还没说完,世上哪有那么好的人,让你吃回头草,却一声也不吭,给你机会却你那三次你都迟到,一次等1小时20分钟,二次等40分钟,三次等1小时10分钟,我的人生从未等过一位伤过你的男生,还等了总3小时10分钟!这等候的时间我可以飞到广州去了!

还没和你算那吃回头草的帐,所谓错过了就是错过了,伤过了就是弥补不回了,可无论怎么弥补多少的伤痕是一定在的,虽然是不能和从前一样,但我还是傻傻地相信,人知错了是能给个改过的机会,可我却不知,我竟然给错了。

我无论有再多的不满,觉得自己似乎像是个备胎似的,他人起初选择了别人,结果别人却是个不专一的人,那过了连一个月都不到,就回头找我,我究竟是疗心处还是备胎车厂?我起初什么也都不说,(就如你们说的,我挑,可我现在证明我一点也没挑呀!)答应了见面,结果就等了1小时20分钟,我竟然傻傻地耐心等,自己到处晃还跑去吃晚餐,吃完了晚餐人都还没出现,但我还耐心地等着。。。我真的有事有那么一点佩服我有多大地度量和等人的耐心。。。真够笨!

但,一次是无意,二次是巧合,三次是故意,到了第三次我爆炸了,见面时间都给他挑,我只是随意罢了,结果我还要等?等等等, 哪有女生等男生的道理?还要等那么久,男生有需要化妆梳发的吗?还是临时出门前大姨妈找上门,需要掉头回去拿苏菲垫底?我真的忍无可忍了,这明明是点不尊重我嘛!迟到那么多次,每次都是借口多多,我真的是火爆了。

我开始觉得我真的有那么的太太太。。。太(x10000) 好了,好得不能再好了,这简直是欺人太甚了!我真的太傻,傻得不能再傻,但这也证明了,我根本没有挑,是他们欺人太盛,我已经到了定线!

一个人就一个人,我不想再被欺!

再来一遍

我最近真的是烦得不能在烦。

我就是不明白为什么朋友们都叫我改变自己,变来变去,难道就不能做我自己吗?

我真的很讨厌这社会那么现实,只注重他人的外表,以别人的外表而判断一个人的性格,为人。

我本来以为我其实真的有问题,但越飞越久,和同性恋的男生接触久后,他们的自信和生活的态度,让我感到十分佩服,非常值得学习。

我要从新再来,把我的朋友圈子里不该留回忆的人都全都删掉,忘了。

我想如果一直徘徊在过去的回忆里而不选择走出去,我只会越来越烦,只会痴心妄想,想些已不可能发生的事实了。

已放弃,已后悔的选择都也做了,只有勇敢地接受,才能往前走。。。

好吧,我下定决心了!

Sometimes

Sometimes I wish I did better.

Sometimes I wish I was a better person.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t a coward.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t an introvert.

Sometimes I wish I had the courage to make my decisions.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t this hesitant.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t this independent.

Sometimes I wish I could be more clingy.

Sometimes I wish I could care a little less bout others.

Sometimes I wish I could be more selfish towards myself.

Sometimes I wish I could be more self-centered.

Sometimes I wish I was born to be the opposite me.

Sometimes, I wish that everything would just start afresh,

and this sometimes just never seem to be able to happen.

 

 

4 months into flying

Ok, officially reached the 4months mark into flying. I’m not particularly thrilled over flying now, that I have reached 4 months, nearly 2 more months till probation ends if everything goes well.

Everyone has been asking been, how’s flying? How’s your flying life? Seriously, I will reply, up in the airplane, mundane and shitty. AND LAYOVERS? Fantastic and fabulous, lovin’ it.

AND WHY?

It must be the passengers. Haha nah you are so so so wrong about it.

Anyway, I’m thankful for the passengers at times, they really saved me for a lot from bad flights and maybe I have been in the hospitality industry for quite awhile, and the one hospitality motto that I learnt was to “treat others the way you want to be treated” and it has always been in my head no matter what, because it has never gone wrong till today.

And guess what, apparently most people disliked china flights because of the passengers but still I really like them for it’s really easy to engage in a conversation with them. They would ask alot about airlines and air attendants life and it’s always interesting to share with them little things that they would go “wow” and “oh” and helping them with their curiosity, it makes my day happier when they leave with a smile or a “谢谢” when they walk pass my door upon disembarkation.

Then again, I’m always having bad luck because I rarely get rostered to a china flight, my first and second month, I had none, and then I prayed so hard and finally I got 2, and then on this fourth month, I only had 1 and where do I frequent most? Australia and India and Saudi Arabia, they aren’t my cup of tea because I always have trouble speaking in English, while doing service, like my brain just doesn’t seem to be willing to process English quickly. It always take me like at least 5 seconds to digest one instruction in English, which is terrible. I have been trying really hard to speak English but ends up forever failing…oh wells, 2 more months till I can swap flights! Then I shall get swap away all other flights for just China.

Ok, I’m seriously a China fan here. I love their rich culture and history, and I feel so at ease down there, like as though I live there long long time ago, or maybe I do…hmm… But anyway, food in china is awesome, although they do have a weird smell but just put the food in your mouth, and bamn! That’s when magic works, the food would taste usually surprisingly delicious! And of course, the gyms in China hotels are well, amazingly fantastic. Like a downsize version of legit public gyms in Singapore, and well nobody gyms, so you get the whole entire gym to yourself! How awesome!

And I always do that satisfy my tummy first and then burn those sinful calories in the gym and that’s why I really like China that much.. Hahaha. 😛

Then again, there is so much happening and going on from june onwards and I don’t know how things will be like, I’m hoping for some good changes at least… *fingers crossed*

 

 

快乐是那么的短暂。。。

我不知是要感激你还是要怨恨你,但就因为你让我留下了许多美好的回忆,多得让我把恨和泪水都人间蒸发了。

或许我就是依然的那么的傻,但我还是要说声谢谢。

我真的很感激能认识你,特别是在我最需要鼓励和支持的时刻,你都在那里,每天都鼓励我要加油,就因如此,从我第一天开始我空姐训练课程直到我的一次的航程,因为有你的鼓励我才没有放弃,虽然天天都抱怨着和有想放弃的念头,但最终我坚持了到现在。

我们拥有非常相似的家庭背景和兴趣,似乎有聊不完的话题,我也不知道为什么,就有那邻家男生的风范,让我第一次遇见你时就没有那么尴尬,非常的亲切,好像在哪早已认识似的,或许就是这样,我开始渐渐的依赖你多以点,一点一点就变得很多,不知不觉,你变成我人生的一部分。

2016年是我一次,有人陪伴过圣诞,我感觉好幸福,好快乐,好像年年的圣诞愿望终于成真了。

我的第一次,能舒舒服服,靠着个男生看电影,让我感觉好像个小女生似的。

我的第一次,你带我去溜冰,我随意也就答应了,结果穿上溜冰鞋后开始大后悔,但有你的鼓励和你的辅佐,我也紧紧地,牢牢地牵着你的手,踏进了溜冰场。溜冰场的冷风有你温暖的手也便的暖和了起来。那一天我是多么的高兴,以为能真的牵着你的手走下去,不会再让我跌倒,结果却不是想象的一样。但,我非常感激你,谢谢你的鼓励和陪伴,让我尝试了我22年来不敢尝试的玩意。

你对女生的单纯,的尊重,让我相信了世上其实是有好男生的。

对不起,我暂时无法放弃我的空姐生活,回去学院当学生,我已爱上了四海为家,流浪天涯的生活,可我也已努力尝试找时间陪伴你,但你也不够满足,因为你自己也忙着追求自己的梦想。可是,我也记得那一天,我在印度的早晨,你让我崩溃了,心痛极了,要不是有工作能麻醉我的那个伤痛,和空姐朋友们的鼓励叫我振作,我想我可没那么容易的放下,熬过来。

她们告诉了我要学会感激,拿得起放的下,放开心怀,因为选择了追求空姐的梦,就有些留不住的东西,就必须放下,这样才能快乐一点。

我反反复复常常在飞机起飞和降落的时候,都在反省,就在那天津的航班,我终于想通了。

谢谢你,让我留下了许多美好的第一次的回忆,但我这个傻大姐还是要继续拉着我的行李箱到世界各地。

祝你快乐 🙂

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