I lost myself

We’ve been together for 662 days as I’m typing this post (I did not count this, it’s an app that helps to keep track of the days).

Lately, I have been abnormally vomitting everyday and couldn’t sleep well in the night because he has given me cold shoulder. I really have no idea what went wrong in our relationship.

I have been thinking and pondering over what he said like what we want to pursue in life is different and that we couldn’t communicate at all and he is the one dragging the wagon of this entire relationship while I’m doing nothing and I was the one who wanted him to do this do that but I did like almost nothing for him.

Like hello? When he is angry and in the state of debating, he is always in the mode to attack and no matter what the defendant tries speak, he will shoot every single thing down by bringing the past up.

It’s not an argument, it’s not debating and winning a debate in a relationship, we need communicate and talk things out, I believe I have the rights to speak my words. I apologise first doesn’t mean I’m in the wrong sometimes, I putting myself soft, so we can end the argument, argument is unhealthy and I know your temper is out-of-hand. I just didn’t want things to be worst. That’s all.

Maybe I was wrong, maybe I should have spoke up, maybe I shouldn’t be the first to apologise thinking that he will be able to stop the argument and peacely talk things out.

Yes I did made a mistake, I misread it your lonely as you’re bored. It was my fault. But throwing a huge temper at me was really mean.

I tried my best to reply you timely because last last month in January I was having bad menses cramps and I did told you I had bad cramps, it took me really long to fight the cramps and I dozed off, my phone was in silent mode because I did not want notifications on phone to disturb my rest. You called and called and I was fast asleep, by the time I woke up and called you, you blasted at me for not answering your phone. You couldn’t even listen to my explanation at all. I had to agree that I was answer and text you as fast I could.

and so I did subsequently.

It was just this one mistake I made that probably hurt you and made you felt that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I was in Amritsar , about to report for flight. What could I do…

When you told me you are stressed from work, I always encourage you and told you to calm down first, because you always rage, things will get better, but you said my reply was a fixed template. I do not know your work, I can’t give specific advise, what could I do beside encouraging you? I can’t possibly tell you to quit and get a new job. Winners are quitter you see.

You said you are the one trying to earn more money for us. You said I did not had the goal to pursue ranking in my career. Flying was my career. Flying has been my dream. Being a leader wasn’t my dream at all, I just wanted to meet more people, know more about the different cultures and uniqueness of every cities that has to offer. That was and have been my dream. Yes, being a leader means a huge leap in income, sort of, but I lead life all along to do things that made me happy. Probably in the near future I might become someone who lead, but I am not ready to stick with working with the same position in the aircraft now.

Then you bring you the past that I requested you to do things like meet once a week, but that was because we weren’t in a relationship yet and our relationship was not very close and intimate to a point to be meeting several times a week plus we always had a full day to spend with each other a week. That was more than enough. But now, you work long hours and I work shifts, we don’t have the luxury to have a full day to spend per week and the only thing that could keep our relationship going, was that I made the sacrifice to meet you at your work after you end so that we can catch up with each other , considering that we don’t spend time on calls or video calls, texting can’t show emotions. I probably analysing the situation now, but he probably would think that I’m blaming him which I obviously am not, I have been trying to make things work on my side because his long work hours can’t be changed and of course he shouldn’t change or reject his clients just to meet me, and since I work shifts, I had more off days and rest day than him then why not? I take my time to meet him instead from the time he end work , head home and have dinner. At least he doesn’t feel that alone, consider that I do spend quite some days overseas at times.

I really tried, I tried so hard to pray for good rosters every month, trying so hard to ask 2500plus crews to swap flights with me every single month so I can have saturdays night off to be able to spend time with you, although sometimes I failed, like when I have a too attractively high paying layover, that I would lose several hundreds of bucks if I give away.

I tried to change so much of myself for you but I did not mentioned to claim credit. I just want things to work between us, that’s all. But the things that we did when we were dating vs the things that we did in a relationship should been different somehow. Sometimes I don’t ask for us to be dumping in cash to have a good time out, but rather I just want to spend some quality time with you , talking and communicating which we obviously lack.

And have you ever even wondered, I did changed? Whatever you said , I tried to change, and listen although it wasn’t an immediate effect but I did.

I gave up my old-fashioned mindset despite all your persistent trying of luck (something that I had held strongly onto), I gave up my disbelief in trust ( taking a leap of faith to start things again). I know I’m a fool, I gave up things that matter to me most, my beliefs that I held strongly to , for the sake of you, and for that one thing that I wanted the relationship to work and last between us.

I’m really at a lost, I feel like I lost myself. I tried so hard to make things work between us because I really loved you, and that night, and all the cold treatment (because you said I did this to you last time why can’t you do this to me). It’s like an evil cycle, all this returning the bad things that you’ve done to the other party , it’s never ending. It’s only will lead to a tragic outcome, I don’t want it to happen. I really don’t.

i do love you, I really really do.

 

 

HIM: Introducing- How we met?

If you have been with me for a very time, you’ve probably read all the articles that I wrote about my feelings and love, expectations of a boyfriend, etc etc…

BUT, I have never mention one before. Reason being, despite all the dates that I have been out with the various guys, from clubs, from Tinder & Okcupid, none of them are great, maybe one or two was kinda boyfriend material, but most wanted to get laid, to get me into their bed. I never met someone from school before, a guy that chase me, because I was this ugly girl and anti-social.

I could say even my part time job back then, I always mingled well with the aunties than people of my age, because I had difficulty finding common topic. And of course, my special family background, no one could understand it. Most people think, I was lying.

Obviously, I wasn’t if you have known me.

Maybe, it’s time to introduce him.

Around November 2018, I kinda completed my first year of flying and job, was more stable as I knew what to do basically and tasks in hand, maybe just not perfect with handling situations yet. I got kinda bored with flying life, and I realise that I haven’t been dating and there was no luck in my love life. The guys in my workplace, majority are gays, they are so cute to talk to, but they like guys, and the rest, mostly are attached, and some I didn’t really like because I don’t like guys that weighs around my weight. Then, I have been back on Tinder for quite awhile on and off because Tinder’s guys profiling was getting worst, and there were more guys looking for ONS and FWB than serious relationship.

On 13 Dec 2018, one fine boring afternoon that I was having my off day, laying on bed as usual, I was swiping on Tinder randomly, aimlessly, swiped through a couple bunch of guys, until this guy that I had quite an impression because of his photos. The first photo he had was a selfie in the lift and lifting his T-shirt up to capture his abs and I found it dodgy, but his thick black framed specs kinda caught my attention, I swiped to see his second photo, it was a gym photo, and he look well, ermmm fierce. Usually gym guys photos look like either muscular cool or muscular cute but for his guy he is fierce. It’s ok, I went on with his third photo, he had a friendly nice smile. Well, I always had a thing for  guys who gym and the bigger the muscles, the better. For they would better understand that girls who pole is definitely not a stripper or someone who does lap dancing. So I swiped right to him, despite him not looking handsome in his photos, maybe for that smile, black specs, and muscles I swiped right to him.

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(this was one of his profile pictures)

Awww, I know you’ll be thinking, what a judge mental bitch, isn’t it? But hey what else can you see from a Tinder profile’s beside photos and maybe a sentence of introduction?

And unexpectedly, WE MATCHED!

(At that time, I gotta admit as a girl, I get matches too easily, so I don’t really have that excitement as compared to a guy I guess. It was like hey, he matched me, ok. Let’s see if he’ll start a convo, else it will be another number adding to my numerous amount of match. HAH)

Ok, before I continue on with this post, I will be writing everything based on my account and from my perspective. So, please don’t judge. I totally appreciate that.

Let’s continue…

Maybe hours lately, I can’t remember too clearly, he started to talk to me, on Tinder for quite awhile, he asked me my favourite food which was cheese fries from kfc at that time and he love it as well haha! Also, finding out that he was actually ok and understanding towards pole dancing was very important to me. Then he had a liking towards cats and at that time my silly fella MiMi was still around (it was important he was accepting towards stray cats because I hated guys who tell me eww why do you touch stray cats they are so dirty and gross) and I thought, wow this guy seems nice! He likes to gym, looks kinda decent and respectful, likes cats, older than me (by that tiny bit but still…important), shares quite a fair bit of common food interest, like sashimi and cheese fries, and acceptance towards pole dancing, doesn’t smoke (a serious deal breaker), not below 170cm (I had this weird thinking that if I wear heels, he must not be shorter than me).

At that point in time, I was bringing my giant bag of clothes to the laundry shop , those self coin operated kind to get my clothes washed. My parents were nuts that the house is not allowed to buy a washing machine and that crazy birth mum of mine didn’t allowed my to hang my laundry out to dry because she said it’s dirty and superstitious stuff, she always threw my freshly laundered clothes that were wet right at my room door. Rude af. That how I ended up having to bring my clothes to laundry shop to wash and then do the drying there as well, and to save money, I actually accumulate my clothes to one week or two weeks worth so that the washing machine is filled to the brim. So while waiting for laundry to be washed, I texted him on Tinder.

I can’t remembered when, he asked me for my number, but it was definitely before my very first Harbin flight that I managed to swapped into. The day before my Harbin flight, we took a step from Tinder chat to WhatsApp.

After reaching Harbin, I was so excited because for the first time ever, I got my own room! I did not had to share with the crew because the crew leader bought her own room, and I was thrilled. I took lots of photos and videos on instastory and I had to connect to VPN to reply to this guy as well because I told him that I would reply him when I reached. Stupid VPN, took me awhile to get connected because China had a limitation ban on IG, FB, WA, basically non-China apps. Thankfully the hotel wifi was strong, and connecting VPN was easy. Eventually I realise that it just so happened that I got a room with good wifi connectivity. So I send him a WhatsApp text and the view of Harbin in my room, probably the first person that I share the joy and excitement with, because Harbin was one of the destinations that I wanted to go before I started flying and the airline finally launched the route to Harbin!

Anyway, when I came back from Harbin, this guy asked me to meet him for a kfc meal and would treat me to cheese fries, and I turned him down. Reason being, I barely talked to him for a week and he wanted to asked me out already? I felt it was too fast because of my past Tinder dates and experiences, guys who usually rushes to the girl tends to had ill intentions. Usually if I turned the guy down, they would move on and look for another target.

But! This guy still kept the conversations on with me, although he was slightly ‘colder’ in chats and few days passed, he asked me out again on a Christmas date. This time, I agreed because I felt that it was going to be 2 weeks of chatting and getting to know the person online, maybe it’s time to get to know him in real life.

I know it was still kinda a little fast for me as I only meet them after chatting for 1-3 months later. Since it was Christmas and no guys I have ever dated did asked me out on a Christmas date, so why not right? Plus he said he was going to make plans, so I though it was be an auspicious date to go out on a date with. (I had this special thing with me about Christmas and Chinese New Year because Christmas to me was the time to celebrate with your loved ones and the joy of gifting and celebration for working hard the entire year).

It will be memorable.

And let’s keep the part on our first date in another post because this is getting too lengthy.

xxx

to be continued…

Bad news and good news, which would you like to hear?

Ok, maybe i’ll give you the bad news first so you’ll probably understand things better, or probably it will flow better in an chronological order.

and… pardon my English, I haven’t been willing to speak english at work lately, because i’m kinda into Chinese lately.

Feb 2019: I was admitted to hospital twice right after CNY because I kept vomiting non-stop after eating and even just plainly drinking water (ok i gotta admit maybe I induce some of it because the nausea feeling in me was so intense and I felt cold, pain, and awful) , the doctor send me for CT scan but they couldn’t find anything wrong with my stomach beside that it was inflamed and red. They said it was gastroenteritis but it was weird that mine didn’t recover like normal patients did and the vomiting keeps coming back when I was discharged home.  Then they probably felt it had something to do with psychological issues, they called an counseller to attend to me, and yeah, she felt that it was probably boyfriend issues and mostly, family issues.

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( I was on drip always Everyday and I hated the iv plug, it was major discomfort and pain)

I had a hard time with family as usual, and with CNY, a festive period, they usually be even more nuts than usual, and I was so stress, praying that my roster had more layovers, but I had more turnaround flights which meant I had to spend time at home. I was on the verge of breaking, she would scold me right before I go to work for the most ridiculous reasons, and sometimes waking up at wee hours just to catch me before I go to work and vent her anger on me when I didn’t even talked to her at all or did anything that relates to her. I cried almost every time on the Grabhitch ride to airport. And layovers were the best time of my life. I felt peace.

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(He came after his work to surprised me with this!)

Anyway, my vomiting stopped after a lot of medicine and somehow things got slightly better because of March roster and i went on a solo trip to Korea, I felt happier.

Jun 2019: I nearly broke up with him because he lied. ( which he said he didn’t because he just simply chose not tell me ) I felt like crap because I love him for his honesty and that he was a very loyal person and wouldn’t flirt with any other girls but he did. My heart was shattered. I had no idea what to do. I love and trusted him wholeheartedly thinking that he will be my last and my only, but now… I shan’t explain the details because I chose to forgive him despite all 100% odds that if I do tell you what happened everyone else will tell me not leave. Ever since then I kinda feel insecure once awhile and I had to go back to pole-dancing to curb this insecurity because once scarred, there will be a scar. I took a leap in faith against everyone’s advice, and chose to give him this chance,  I hope I won’t regret when I come back to this post in maybe 5 ? Or 10 years time.

Aug 2019: The vomiting came back again, it was serious than ever, I had to admit myself to the hospital. This time the doctor was perplexed because the frequency of my gastroenteritis relapse was too frequent, so they send me for a scope where they put this tiny camera through my mouth, down the throat to the stomach to see what’s going wrong with it. And again, they found nothing abnormal beside the redness which was due to it inflamed. This time, they sent a psychologist along with a counsellor to my hospital bedside to ‘talk’ to me. As usual they realise it’s family issues, and the only way was that I leave this place of hell that I once called home because my vomiting issue was getting serious and they doubt that it will completely cure. Psychologically, my body has already chose to vomit because once I am overly stressed out, my stomach will overproduce gastric juices which are the yellow or green fluids that I always puke. They gave me the encouragement to move out, because counselling me would not helped me at all, despite them wanting to help me.

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(I know I look pale and frail here, needing oxygen to breathe.)

Sep 2019: HOOHOO!  I found a place! I moved out officially, although I still go back to that hell place once awhile to collect my letters and the little things I need that weren’t so important to bring over to the room that I rented because I had too many things. Moving out alone was a huge difficult chore because he was not free and I had to move alone, I made so many trips to and fro, so many carsickness moments, aching arms. Sometimes, I really feel proud of myself that I can carry so many heavy bags without a man’s help, although I probably look like a clown and hideous cause I’m sweaty by the end of it. Mhmm, I’m officially out of that hell place, although there’s loads of memories of there with grandma, whom I really miss dearly.

Honestly, after moving out,  I kinda realised I’m all alone. Like I don’t have friends that really care. Those so-called bffs are just fake. And the worst thing of moving out, I can’t feed any stray cats anymore. My stray furry friends are my go-to when I’m down and bored, I always spend hours with them, they are just so entertaining and therapeutic. The landlord doesn’t approve of any pets, and the neighbourhood has no stray cats because it’s a pretty new neighbourhood, sadly. And cooking is now much difficult because the owner only approves of light cooking, so basically I do microwave cooking haha and rely on food delivery on lazy days or when I’m sick.

And my gastric vomiting still occurs… usually in the morning when I wake up, all the yellow gastric juices will be out and by the later of the day after I had some food and juices, it gets better.

I shall keep my updates of my life, till here.

‘I know I haven’t been updating of my travel trips that I made this year.  I shall do so soon since my ankle is sprained from work injury and I’m down from flying temporarily, urgh, there goes my  favourite Osaka and guangzhou layover. *sobs*

Insecurities

Maybe you can call me paranoid,

Maybe you can say I’m doubtful,

But I have this little insecurity that is burning in me.

 

I have been in a relationship for quite awhile now, 1 year and 2 months roughly as I am typing this. We had many ups and downs in our relationship so far and although we have had similar background, our work is keeping us apart most of the time. I fly most of the time and although I tried very hard to have more off days in Singapore than being overseas (more than 8 off days a month as of now), his long working hours and schedule and working 6.5days a week is keeping us apart. Limiting us to only roughly one quick dinner date per week or if time permits, just a short meetup. We only spend our time texting each other to keep ourselves in touch of our lives and this conversing in text usually happens at night when he is finally done with his day. Since then, I started developing this odd habit of keeping my phone by my side all the time so that I can reply him quickly when his text comes over.

I know I have to understand that this is his job and he has to work in order to pay off his Uni study loans and earn income to survive and feed himself and saving to buy a house for our future. However since June, we have been meeting lesser and lesser, the time we spend together is so much lesser and most of the time we only talk about things related to work and saving up. Maybe occasionally, about other things…

As weeks passed, this little insecurity in me keep growing, I’m really scared that one day, over time our relationship, our feelings would fade away, like how my bestie ended her relationship with her Boyfriend that lasted for 4 years plus, because they wanted the save up to buy a house in the 3rd year after they succeeded in getting a bto. They scrimp and save and cut down on dates and only had dinner together and chit chat and went home thereafter. I don’t want to be in their path, and it’s scary that things between me and him seem to be going the same way like how my bestie relationship headed to.

I really don’t know what I should do, I don’t think it’s possible to talk this out with him because he just started working and he has his own work problems to fret about…  and he might misunderstand me and leading to another quarrel which it always happens.

There are so many times I don’t know what I should do or to save myself from thinking astray, I drink, I gym, I pole, I give away my off days to fly more, I go travel, I try so hard to keep myself occupied to not think about what might happen to us if in the long run, this is how we going to keep our relationship and maintaining it.

And all I do is keep telling myself that “whatever will be, will be.” There is no way I could tell what time would brings, if things fade, it’s fated. That is fate, eventually.

I’ve always been a pessimist in life, in everything I do.

And I can’t deny this time I am not.

MARCH

March is here, how fast. I spend nearly a month in Feb in the hospital because of my gastric issues and now I’m back to flying life. After a month of break from flying life, I am definitely not getting used to layovers anymore. I’m kinda dreading layovers, only looking forward to going home to my own bed and sleep. Not only that, I don’t go out for sightseeing or fun with crew during layovers anymore, I would only leave the hotel when it’s time for food or maybe getting some groceries or daily necessities to bring home.

Worst till, I’m not getting used to sharing room with crew anymore, I can’t sleep well and feel, pretty uncomfortable having someone in the same room as me. All I look forward is to do the turnaround flights on the small aircraft that most crew dislike to work on. I know I’m weird but I am kinda reaching the flying phase where you get sick of having layovers.

I still do love my flying job, meeting and serving all the passengers, some being weird, some being nasty, handling them and of course, there are those nice ones that help keep my time pass faster and meeting the little kiddos that makes me smile.

Sometimes, I wish the airline would do Hong Kong layovers, then I probably give up all my layovers for Hong Kong layovers because I haven’t seen my Hong Kong uncle for a really long time, although I have annual leave, I always spend my annual leave elsewhere like visiting Gold Coast where I finally strike off my bucket list of going to Movie World that had so many thrilling roller coasters that made me screamed, but it was fun though!

Oh and I kinda like Gold Coast or maybe Honolulu as beach destination compared to Asia beach destination like Phuket or Bali even though they are way much cheaper as a beach holiday destination. You know why?

I love how Australians and US people are so open about their body sizes and they embrace their body type even though they may be typed as “fat” or “obsesed” in Asian’s eyes, they call themselves curvy and in the Asian society, curvy people would always donned themselves with lots of fabric to hide their curves and their chubby arms or body but in Australia or US, they dress to flaunt their curves and that’s what I love. There is almost no body size issues regarding to dressing up and I just feel really comfortable being there, walking the streets without having the self-awareness of getting judged for not fitting in as a skinny or fitspo (the latest trend in Asian society).

Of course, the culture there is way much better especially if you are in the street and you happen to meet eye to eye with a stranger, they would let off a small smile at you but in Asia, people would just turn their heads away or inevitably roll their eyes away. It’s so-not-friendly at all.

Oh and I spend alot of time in hospital thinking about my social life and I realize that I have very little friends at all, to the extent that they are well almost non-existence at all. My best friend is well, stuck with working and being a single mom that has to take care of her kid and her messy love life that we barely contact each other and hang out. The other friend that I used to thought she was my best friend is busy with her search for looking pretty and keeping her boyfriend entertained, and well, some colleagues and pole friends that are like hi and bye people, to the extent that I feel like I don’t have anyone to hang out with or travel.

I kinda feel like I am a loner and anti-social, I think if it wasn’t for my boyfriend whom is kinda playing the role as my bff, I probably have no one in my social life. It’s a sad truth but I kind of think this is growing up, people stray away from you and it’s just sad when the realization hits you that I don’t have any one that I am close with.

Enough of grumbling or rambling about my life so far, I know I need to brush up on my speech especially in English because I have the tendency to direct translate my thoughts which are in Chinese and it ends up sounding like broken English when I speak and it gets very frustrating to my seniors and ranking crew. Yeah, I have been criticized at work for my poor command in English despite being a Singaporean where English is the first language and Singaporeans tend to be poor at Chinese but well, I’m their direct opposite. I speak alot in Chinese at work and stutter when I speak English and made my colleagues repeat their English because they spoke too fast and I had difficulty to comprehending. My chinese is also nowhere near the Chinese crews standard but I just happen to be able to understand them better.

Ok, bye for now. I shall keep you guys updated soon, hopefully. ❤

Welcome 2019

2018 gone by in flash and although the usual in my house is still happening, getting screamed at and getting called useless, the unfairness in the house, I thought of moving out several times, using the fund I actually did save to find a place and move out and paid the deposit rental for 3 months, then again, I thought, perhaps I could endure for a year or more and put this sum of money to better use…

I live on the edge of not wanting to know what tomorrow will come because since grandma’s departure, I have refused to live on another day in this world but friend’s have told me to try on, one day at a time and so I did, still breathing. However, my reluctance in breathe in this world still exist, I’m living in denial everyday, and death is still an option somewhere at the edge of my mind, I lived my life for her and to repay her with all that I could, but since she is gone, what’s there to live for?

I listened to options, to find a job I liked and so I did, flying around the world seeing places that I used to dream of when I was a kid and satisfy my wanderlust in me, but at the end of the day, I still feel very empty because I did wanted to see the world, but with her. For all her life she never got to enjoy her life but always lived for others. And all I wanted was to reward her for having a hard time to bring me up.

I did fell in love too, it was like a roller coaster. Good times and bad times, and I thought this would let me find a meaning in life to live for, for the future of both of us, to have someone to rely on and a future that belongs to two of us to look forward to and finally finding a reason to live on in life. Then again, I was wrong. Somehow I still struggled, I couldn’t comprehend what was this love thing all about, maybe it was my first. But it definitely was a lesson for me to learn and still learning by the way, it was somewhat different, different from the kind of love that I have been wanting to experience again since she left.

It was always interesting to hear about her old world war stories and her growing up wisdom and occasionally, gossips from the neighbors and relatives. However it wasn’t as interesting when you had to hear someone pouring his woes on his job and life every single meetup. I’m a curious girl, I love to hear interesting things about something old and unique, and of course gossips (a girl’s favourite topic and will never go wrong).

I guess that’s what they say love’s obligation is all about.

You’ve got to listen to his woes on his job and life every single time, listen to every single detail of what he did at his job, understand his job from top to toe. Listen to every complain that he has to say about his work and the people he met. Sometimes I wonder, I am being a punching bag at home and now, I’ve got to be his listening ear for his woes and sorrows. But all I hear is negativity, where are the interesting things and sights and positivity that should be heard to balance out everything? WHERE?

No, he doesn’t share with me his positivity, all the interesting things that happen, he shares it with his friends and his closest ones. Sometimes I wonder, am I just a 诉苦的港口? Or does he not have anything interesting and positive to share?

I feel tired, sometimes I run out of encouraging things to cheer him up. (If anyone here could give me some tips, I would totally appreciate it.). I just keep mum and listen and goes home for a drink to forget about the heavily emphasis negativity. You probably be thinking why do I drink alot right? I drink when I am stressed and I drink to forget about the negativity, I drink to lift my spirits.

And rarely, I drink because I am happy, (but it do happens…)

I guess it’s getting pretty lengthy for this post, but I do hope that 2019 gets better over time, since it’s almost midway through January already. How FAST… but as 2019 enters, I know he is not going to travel with me anymore in this year and years ahead to come, but I will, still travel alone, back to the solo travelling days and of course with a huge tinge of disappointment, thinking that I found my partner who is able to deal with my budget travelling. but he isn’t the one fit for that kind of travelling ideology. Oh wells, what to do? Not like compromising will make things work but we have quite a far apart idea and thinking in the life path that we want. Ok, enough talks about him.

Now my dream in 2019 is to get a steady improvement in pole, hopefully in the flexibility side since I am stiff as a stick and get healthier (fall sick less often) , less itch to my sensitive skin, turn prettier, and perhaps move out and be fully independent on my own? (that way I don’t think I have to rely on anyone anymore.?) Oh and last and importantly, 2019 is the last year of my flying contract and I hope they will renew my flying license if not it will probably be the last year of flying I guess. ( touch wood! I hope this doesn’t happen because I still love flying, even just doing turn-arounds, it’s still interesting in a way.)

Ok bye for now, I’ve got a Hangzhou layover with some nice people later on. Time to snooze. ❤

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(That’s me in Shanghai in 2018 on my birthday trip with the teddy that I won from claw machine.)

Nit Grits of Amritsar

Honestly, I have never really a fan of India but after frequently flying to Amritsar, I’m kinda getting used to it. I wouldn’t say I enjoy my layover there, but it was an interesting experience.

My first cafe experience in Amritsar and they were playing international pop songs but the Indian remake version. You would see couples going there for dates and girls tea time, it’s quite a really modern cafe setting in the very not to modern part of India.

The food looks pretty decent, sandwiches was great but desserts and slushies and milkshake was overloaded with sugar as usual.

Most of the time we would just order room service. It isn’t really that bad. Indian food is just high in calories, high sodium and high oil content. What else? 😛

Because the crew said it was cheap to do hair in Amritsar, my batchie and I decided to try and get our hair dyed, but honestly it’s cheap but the colors was very disappointing haha. Oh wells, for an interesting experience because we spend 6hours in the salon and sat till our butt ache for India is renown for their snail pace service.

On another flight, this captain was a frequent Amritsar flyer and hence he decided to bring the group of us out for some poori experience. I must say it was a fun ride on India’s tuktuk and heading to somewhere in “town” for a delicious poori meal and thankfully I did not had food poisoning! HAHA~

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Yes that’s the group of us and no, not the entire set of crew was there. I guess I was the only Singapore chinese crew that is adventurous enough to step out of the hotel to join them for some authentic poori food-venture! 😀

 

 

What should I do?

It’s July of 2018 and it’s been one year and entering 8th month of my flying career. My health has been ruined and my skin conditions has worsened. Nothing seem to be great. Even my flying roster is just a disappointment, months and months worth of Japan flight and some turnaround, and trying my luck to swap those Japan flight to my favourite China flights, and swapping of flights is harder than you think.

There, my love life, it wasn’t as colorful and vibrant as I used to imagine it would be when I was a little girl or when I started this site. I find myself sometimes feeling really unhappy and I don’t know why. I always wonder, is he the right guy? I keep asking myself but the truth, I don’t know the answer. And “que sera sera” whatever will be, will be, I let time tell everything… but then again, what should I do with my lost smile?

I still keep those beliefs of what I used to think was the right ones… but upholding these beliefs, they are harder than I can imagine it to be. Maybe I am a perfectionist. I guess. And that’s what is making me unhappy. I find happiness when I helped someone and that sense of satisfaction leaves me a happy smile deep down and on my exterior, beaming with joy.

With the travelling experiences and the many one-time encounters of different cultures and people, I could never comprehend, how could you let someone enter your life completely? Giving someone your heart completely, and taking care of him as though he is your one and only.

Then again, there was this one night during my layover, my Japanese roomie asked me so what kind of guys do you fancy? And she said, “mine, 1st, must be rich, 2nd, must be gentle, 3rd, someone that I can look up to”.

It left me thinking really hard, what did I want initially? Ohhhh that long list that I created when I was in my teens? Someone respectful, someone who makes me become a better person and someone who is not lazy, was what I eventually told her. But then I thought, “rich” is pretty essential in Singapore too, you definitely do not want to be living in poverty and struggling to make ends meet. What my Japanese roomie said wasn’t wrong too, someone to look up to, so he can lead the way, he can show you things you never seen before/heard/encountered before, that is pretty amazing too. This criteria seems kinda tough though, which means he has to be smart and have a rich life experiences.

And then it just hits me hard.

Everything that I imagine it would be was … well kinda WRONG.

 

 

A Year of Flying

It’s been a year plus a month since my first SNY (supernumerary flight aka training flight). All the things that I have been through, trashy flights, badly planned rosters, weirdo and faulty passengers, repeated flights in the same month, medical cases, stolen passport, weird roomies, and what else?

Sometimes, I’m just really exhausted to the point, hey, let’s give up layovers for a turn or a standby. It doesn’t matter if my allowances gets affected or I don’t get to travel as much. Yes, it kinda doesn’t matter anymore, because for this one year of flying, I gave up alot, on friendship, love life and most importantly, POLE-DANCING!

I realized how everyone has progressed so much and there’s me barely any progression and I feel miserable. Not only that, my flexibility remained stagnant and dropped alittle which is very depressing. I wish I was bendy as a rubber band now. Ok, now back to flying.

As flying is very interesting and amazing when I first started, this feeling seemed so surreal nowadays. I feel like I am dragging my soul and body to report for flight every single time. I’m not longer feeling that tinge of excitement and visiting the countries. I guess mainly it’s because of my roster, constantly getting Japan, Japan and more Japan. I am definitely not a great fan of Japan but rather China. I love visiting China, even if it’s over and over again, the passengers are humorously funny and cute for I rather be a “airplane guide” to explain to them how to use the toilet, how to order meals and such than to be using sign language to explain to a passenger which made me feel very worthless.

But then again, getting China flights is harder than you ever imagine. There are those people who are blessed with great rosters and there’s me trying hard to swap for a china flight even if it meant only just a night stay or having to take several standbys and turnaround flights for it.

I know I’m silly, But then again, when you are an unlucky person what else can you do? Sacrifices.

But probably not anymore this year. I’m really exhausted.

I thought so many times about quitting.

I wanted a more stagnant destination, I rather do same destination layovers over and over again, but definitely not Japan but somewhere in Asia. Hmmm

I wanted back my pole dancing life really badly. Really really.

I’m so sick of speaking English as a result my Chinese is getting very choppy.

Sometimes I just am so badly rested I wish I could stopped flying for a good one month.

DAMN.

妈妈,我又想你多一年了。

今天是新的一年,本应该是个非常开兴喜庆的日子。还记得那前几年你还在的日子,我都会和你一起在客厅里观看电视节目的新年倒数节目。可已经过了那么多年了,我都从来忘不了你离去的那一幕也忘不了你和我开心地度过的每一年,每一天,每一个节日。

可我今年病了,病得有点严重,但我昨晚回家时,脸色苍白,就连我的唇色也是白的,可那可恶的巫婆却当我一踏进门时却是“你为什么那么快回来?”,可我却低声的求她可以不可以帮我找哪里还有医生可以看病。她却骂我说,你活该,乱吃东西才会生病,并又和她娇贵的女儿说的有声有笑,可我真的一点力气也无法和她顶撞,躺在床上就这样昏睡过去了。

我真的很痛心,做为一个生我的母亲你连一个最基本的同情心也不舍我一点,我真的无话可说。就连你幼儿园的小朋友你都会带他们去看医生,但我可是你怀在肚子里9个月生出来的,但你连一点怜悯之心也无。我不知道我为什么一直抱着那薇薇的期望,希望有一天你会关心我一点,可我每次都告诉自己,别再骗自己了,妈妈也告诉我你的巫婆生母是不会回头的,她的迷信已经无法理喻,连平常人,辅导员都无法接通的。我的心还是算了吧。

可我。。。却还是有那么一点的心痛。

妈妈,如果你还在,我今天不会是个没人要的孩子。我真的很想你,真想你我生病的时候你为我做的一切。我常常都梦见你,可我知道你只能活在我脑海里,在我的心里。你留给我的所有东东,我都不要也从未动过,我只想用来换你这个人。

我不想继续伪装成一个非常独立又坚强的女生,其实我一点也不是,我有颗和玻璃一般的精碎的心,一碰就会碎。我经常出国旅行是为了逃避,为了想你更少一些,那短暂的忙碌已经开始让我的身体吃不肖,时不时就生病。

我知道我真的傻,傻的无可救药,但时光是无法倒流,我的心也只能一直一直地被这样则疼下去。

病了,但心也病得更加严重。

妈妈,你在天上是否还想起这个在地球上被折磨的孩子?

妈妈,新年快乐。

我一直都会想你。

嗯,当我在打出此文时,我的泪水已淹没了这整台电脑。

空荡荡的

最近老是忙着飞来飞去,往不同地国家奔跑,也忙着去找时间学钢管舞和健身,不然就是睡觉(不知怎么了,老是觉得很疲倦,大概时差和半夜班机的关系吧。)我总觉得时间不够用。

可当我在国外休息时或自己独自去走走时,才发现原来我又似乎的一点点不快乐。

我总会想起一些往事,我总觉得开始有点后悔放弃一些或许当时觉得是不好的东西,可不知是年龄大了,开始觉得或许如果当时没放下那些东西和事物,结局又会是如何的,或许我不会是空荡荡的一个人,或许我现在拥有两全其美的美梦。

但如果因害怕空荡荡的结果而选择了坚持和忍耐,我又会快乐吗?

嗨。。。烦死我了啦!

其实为什么要想那么多?

我自个也开始矛盾了。选择了,做出了决定,那就成定局了,何必在想些毫无意义的东东?

可在大多数的情况下,我始终还是觉得非常的空。

因麽嚒的离别我选择了当空姐,为了能在天空中飞行,能和她有更进一步的距离,但最大的原因还是为了逃避,逃避新加坡,逃避这个冷清的家,逃避这个现实。

有时当我坐在那空姐的宝座时,面对这乘客我不知不觉就会开始想:

  • 如果看见了老奶奶和她们的孙子坐在一块,我就会幻想如果奶奶还在,或许我现在或明天能拿假期带她出国游玩世界,那是我从小以来的梦想,长大后要用尽一切回报她用心把我带大。
  • 如果看见了双双对对的情侣,我就会开始觉的我为什么那么傻,选择了放弃而不厚着脸皮地去追,活着已经全力而不后悔的思想,或许现在不会是我一个人了。
  • 如果看见了一群朋友,我就会想,我的朋友个个都去哪了?怎么,我老是一个人,我就近是否真的有朋友?

其实,我不知道为什么要选择了活着追求生命的意义。至今年年过了一年,我始终还放不下我的阴影,也放不下对麽麽的思念,我老是觉得空荡荡的,不知活着到底实在为什么而活?毫无目标,人生计划地活着,我究竟是要如何地过日?

Staycation: FOUR POINTS SHERATON!

The long awaited staycation finally came, after weeks and weeks of waiting. It was my first staycation with Yunteng and I was really excited about being away from home and work for a good one day to chill and relax.

SO why did we choose FOUR POINTS SHERATON? over the so many other hotels in Singapore? Well, because mainly it met our budget of less than $150/night and it was in the area with plenty of activities and food places.

Actually, Four Points Sheraton was previously the old Riverview Hotel Singapore which everyone remembers for the murder case that happened few years back in Room 1511 and I didn’t google on the exactly room location until I returned home from the staycation and turns out that the murder scene was just a room below ours…HMM… I wonder if the room is available for hotel guests or has it been blocked permanently?

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Anyway back to the more juicy details about the staycation! I left my house at around 12noon on Saturday hoping that we could check in at 2pm sharp and have enough time to SUNTAN!!! Yeah, my favourite activity!

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This was the lift lobby view from our 16th storey floor. It has a really nice curved porch where you can take lots of instagram-worthy shots but I was too lazy to pose and wanted to head straight into the room to snooze! HAHA 😛

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We book a superior room and twin beds and requested for a bathtub and highfloor and they acceded to our request and in our room there was this lovely sofa bed by the window with a nice spotlight right smack in the middle which gives the window place one of the best spot in the room to take photo!

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(I’m alilttle lazy to edit the photos so pardon if it’s not pretty enough.)

With Yunteng 😀

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The view was really spectacular so I can’t help doing some of my favourite yoga poses! HEHE 😀

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“When you have a spontaneous friend who joins you in attempt of a Lord of the Dance yoga pose, it’s AWESOME!”

We took quite awhile with photos-taking at the pretty window before we finally dressed ourselves and headed to the pool for some tanning action! FINALLY 😀

I brought my blue polka dot bikini that I got in Bangkok earlier this year and my sunglasses from my last year’s Shenzhen trip!

The pool side was nothing spectacular or pretty, it was the exact similar pool as the old Riverview hotel, so we didn’t take much photos at the pool.

Around evening we headed to Liang Court to grab some dinner and Medi-ya to do some grocery shopping! And I got myself a cider heheehe

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So Yunteng took a sneaky pic of me while as waiting for her to snap photos of the river’s nightview and it just happen that Intercontinental @Robertson Quay which was in the making is in the background…OHHH, good old memories of that building site as it was the former Gallery Hotel Singapore on Nanson Road and there was me, cleaning room as a chambermaid and occasionally slacking while looking out from the windows, now that it has gone into history…memories… HAHA

Brought Yunteng to my favourite casual hunt, Saizeriya! Decent italian food at affordable prices and she loved it, that explains the aplenty of selfies haha.

And after dinner we headed back to the hotel and I passed her belated present as I wasn’t able to give her on time because I was busy occupied with my cabin crew training paperwork and contract… So thrilled she didn’t mind that her present were late and in fact she’s was really happy with the presents! YEAH 😀

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It’s my first attempt on yoga ball to assist on a back bend, and I have admit, it really helps open up your back and shoulders alot more than not using any equipment to do a backbend, THUMBS UP!

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Apparently, I was attempting to do a yoga ball pushup but it was really hard to maneuver as it was my first time trying and ended up sliding to that position…EMBARRASSED HAHA XD

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Well, it’s another attempt using yoga ball to do an assisted elbow stand scorpion pose, not too bad for a beginner I guess, although it’s not a perfect one!

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Practiced my bridging too and Yunteng decided to join me!

img_1850img_1851I taught her the camel pose too and it look pretty good and we manage to do a double camel pose! It was my first time snapping yoga pose with a partner (which has been my dream to have a yoga partner for once) and I really love how it turns out! THANKS ❤

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There’s the opposite attract haha, doesn’t it looks like this icons ><

I really love the gym lighting and backdrop, pretty place to take yoga photos, if only there was a pole, it would be really really pretty to take pole pics!

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After gym and stretching sessions, it was my favourite activity, BUBBLE BATHS! Look at thick blobs of bubble foam! Lovingggggggggg it WOOHOO!

It started to pour heavily and the rumbling thunders could be heard from the window and we decided to stay up to play some real monopoly which evokes lots of childhood memories and of course, not forgetting my Albens Apply Cider that I got. (It was good, better than Somersby and Strongbows as it’s really less less sweet!)

We woke up late the next day and check out of the hotel at 1.40pm even though we requested for late check out till 1pm, they did not charged us for the late check out hehe!

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Bye, Four Points Sheraton, it was a lovely stay 😀

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After checking out we headed to Cineleisure to catch the horror movie that we had been wanted to watch before we headed back, it was an impromptu decision but I did enjoyed myself alot hehe!

So looking forward to my Bangkok solo trip next 🙂

夜空里的漫步

该入春的那一晚。

夜空里的星星不多,但微风阵阵的吹着,挺凉快的。

她们在一个不起眼的小公园见面了。

似乎三个星期没见了,当碰面的一刹那,她兴奋极了。

当他关心地问候了一句,

“你近来好吗?”

她真个人都化了,仿佛在记忆里快消失的那熟悉的声音,她又再次听见了。

她不知有无比的开心,不知是否是幻觉,便悄悄地捏了自己的手臂一下下。

啊 … 果真!这不是一场梦!

他就一个大男生穿着非常朴素的T恤和卡其色的短裤配上一双无名的拖鞋,

手里还拿着在充电的手机和充电器,

站在她的身旁,一同在公园里漫步。

他:“对不起,我近来真的太忙了,该做的是多的连睡眠的时间都被消化了…没空见你。”

她: “无妨,只要你心里有我,即使百年才能见那一次,我也开心,就好像此时此刻,无比的可贵。”

他:“你好傻呀 …”

她便微笑了因为她就是那么的单纯可爱。

他:“傻瓜,让我背背你吧, 看你也走得累了吧!”

她爬上了他的厚厚的背上,感觉好温暖,好踏实。

走着走着,忽然他不小心失了足,差点就把女生给掉了下来,简直是吃了一场惊!

她:“放我下来吧,我想你也累了…”

他:“好吧,我们去那秋千歇一会儿!”

她坐上了秋千,他偷偷在她的背后微微地推了一把。

她:“啊,哈哈,你在干什么!”

他静静地一句话也不说,当秋千开始慢慢地荡了下来,他又用力再给她推了一把。

秋千越荡越高,胆小的她虽然有点还怕,可她一脸幸福开心和那灿烂的笑容把害怕给掩盖了。

他们俩就像回到了童年的时光,一位小女生和男生一同在公园里玩耍,简单朴素的快乐。

多么羡慕啊!

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(故事纯是编制的,如有相同,纯是巧合)

作者:一片云

Thank You

To my GBF (Guy-Best-Friend),

(I know I have been blocked on all your facebook, instagram and even whatsapp, and I don’t know if you are ever gonna read this, but I would still want to thank you for that night.)

Thank you for that help and spending the whole night over the phone to console me when you have school the next day and having a hard-to-handle girlfriend that might be pretty risky to actually be helping me that much. You have been probably the best that I could ever have and knowing you was truly a blessing.

Thank you for being that shiny black knight in armor, although I won’t know when I would ever meet my charming prince, thanks for helping me find out what happen and saved me from another possible worse heartbreak from him (whom I thought was really my prince charming, I know I was an absolute fool.)

Thank you for helping me get it clear, cheering me up and motivating me to get up again. Whatever that you said and what Uncle Dave said to me are exactly almost the same thing. I shouldn’t let a guy that I love to convince me to give up on my passion, pole-dancing and he should accept me for who I am. You guys were right.

You have been a really good friend for the past one year plus and even though you are busy with work and girlfriend, yet you would always drop me concerning text, festive messages and wishes which is probably something I’m really happy to receive because I have no one who actually cared about me in the house since grandma left me.

I really had no intentions of disturbing you but still I’m thankful for having such a good friend even though my connections of knowing that you are doing well is completely cut. You have been my motivator and a truly excellent adviser and I hope you’ll be well.

(Ps. I know I’m super duper awfully sad to lose a friend because I don’t have much friends as I’m an absolute introvert but I guess this is just part and parcel of life. Who knows someday I might just meet again in the streets…)

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To Myself

How many times have it happened?

You never learn your lesson, do YOU?

Why are you so gullible?

Why are you so trusting?

Why are you so silly?

You should have held on and guard your heart with all your means.

Now, you’re hurt again.

It was a major disappointment.

Would you ever just wake up to your senses and not harbor any thoughts of happiness?

Happiness is not yours to keep.

You are born to be a slave, tortured by the reality of life.

Life will never get better not matter how hard you try to make it right.

It never will.

And yes, you should just give up on hope.

I hate myself.

Where are you, self-confidence?

I’ve always never understood why am I such a quiet person who is unable to hold a conversation with someone or even start a simple conversation, now I finally found the answer.

After spending an evening with Uncle Dav and Jo, they convinced me that I was lacked of self-confidence. Uncle Dav said I was afraid, I was afraid that someone to say I am wrong, but instead I should have the attitude and my own viewpoint. He was absolutely right.

The reason that I started blogging since young that I don’t even realize was because I needed a place to speak my mind, someone to hear my words, someone to hear me and somewhere I could vent everything out without worrying about anyone judging. My blog was literally my freedom of speech, I could voice everything and talk about anything without being judged.

And even after I tried hard to make myself look better, scrimping and working hard to afford for braces to make me look beautiful, taking medicine to cure my eczema, and learning how to dress up, keep fit and look good, learning about makeup, it was just temporarily satisfaction and temporary confidence that I felt. But deep down, something was just missing.

Then when I started pole-dancing, I found out how everyone did not judge me from a plain jane who never exercise much nor dance, they encouraged me and I made leaps of improvements. Plus, when I’m on the pole facing that full-length wall mirror, I felt confident, I was capable, I found myself. It was gratifying and a satisfying feeling I felt about myself.

I guess I need to re-discover myself to truly find my confidence. I know my family environment is probably the worst and the main cause of my lack in self-confidence, for they constantly criticize on my actions and character, that is when I started to self-contain myself to protect myself. I need to step out from this fear, I have to overcome it.

It’s really a battle of mind over fear, I need to win this battle please.

怎么那么麻烦的呢?

男生… 他们总是说女生太粘人了。

女生们老是无时无刻得在他们身边。

我便只需要见他们每星期1-2次面。

男生… 他们又说我太冷了。

难道就不会想念他们吗?

想。但忍,因为有期待才会珍惜在一起的时光。

男生… 他们说女生让他们没空间呼吸。

女生们不让他们做喜欢做的事,如喝酒健身…

我便让他们把好友排我前,只要遵守见面的约定。

男生… 他们又说我不关心他们。

难道就没把他们放在眼里?

你喝酒我担心,你把朋友当优先,我无所谓。

只有一个字“信”。

我相信,我是在和一个人谈恋爱,不是捆着只小鸟。

我相信,只要心里有我,即使不常见,只要天天都有某方面的联络。

我也可高兴。

我就是那么简单,就是那么信任人,容易就能满足了。

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可男生怎么都不明白,老是说我冷,莫无关心,甚至有些还怀疑我背后还有其他男生?

这简直太荒谬了,粘人你们嫌,给自由你们怀疑,我到底该怎么做在是好?

(或许一个人的世界才是最美好的…)

Damage Done

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Dec 18th: The rest of my loots from Taobao finally arrived. It’s been like forever since I made my order on 65daigou.com, and tadaaa, I bought like 4 yoga tops/sports bra whichever you would like to call it for my pole class. Previously, I have been alternating the two plain and boring ones, now finally I have more options and choices! And I totally adore that stripped x-back one as it’s Lululemon inspired!

As for the two bottoms, they are from Forever21, I’ve been trying hard to find a high waist denim shorts that could fit my super-hard-to-find-perfect-fit bottom, and I finally I found it (cause i have this bottom curvy, my waist is small and my hips are super wide…) . Spend like $20 plus for the bottom and I think it was worth it. And I’m not ready to get the super ultra short pole shorts so I got myself a grey yoga shorts… cause I’m still a beginner-intermediate in-between levels for pole.

Month of december is forever the month where I’ll splurge on what I’ve save, because there’s sales everyone and there’s so much stuff that I can’t take my eyes off. Haha x

Drifting Away

I’m sorry.

I tried my best.

To try to shorten the distance between us but I failed.

We used to be best friends and everything, talking about anything under the sun but now things have changed. It can no longer be the same anymore.

I knew that night, because of your persistence, that decision that you made, made me resent you to forever.

I couldn’t forget but I could only hide, hoping that things can actually go back to the way it was, I’ve tried. It’s been a few years now, and it’s still a mission impossible.

They say birds of the same feather flock together but we weren’t the same from the start. A fiercely independent girl and a pampered princess, we didn’t go well together at all.

I know we had been through so much together as teens, but let’s just keep it as memories and move on.

我们进水不犯河水,你过你温室里的小花的生活,我过我那追寻自由的生活,我们还是远离点比较好…

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(UNVEILED) The Glad’s Mega Surprise Party!

MISSION: Mega Birthday Surprise Party

TARGET: PRINCESS GLAD

HEAD PLANNER: JORDAN (Glad’s Boyfriend)

ASSISTANTS: GLENDA / SHI YUN 

VENUE: RWS HARD ROCK HOTEL ROOM 651

SYPNOSIS

It just started out that Glad’s birthday was coming and Jordan decide to plan this awesomely sweet birthday surprise for her and the group of us were invited to help out to assist Jordan in planning the birthday surprise but turns out that Glenda and I were the only two to help Jordan out in making sure everything was ready and ensure Glad had no clue about the birthday surprise that was in plan!

TIMELINE OF EVENTS

1300 HOURS: Jordan drove to my place to pick me up since I wasn’t working that day, I could accompany him in getting all the party essentials ready including of collection of birthday cake, balloons and checking in to the hotel. Jordan came early that day and thankfully I was early as well (though most of the time I’m always late!)

IMG_1345 IMG_1347This was what I wore that day, ASOS Black Romper (that Glenda got for me for only $12!) with my navy blue bolster bag from my Taobao Haul and my Rubi flats that I got a steal at $10! I know I got so bored while waiting for Jordan to arrived so I went to my granny’s emptied room to take my ootd shots. Haha.

1345 HOURS: Then he went to pickup the oreo cheesecake that he ordered online from Cat & The Fiddle. We got lost looking for the industrial building and hence took quite awhile to reach there. Plus, he couldn’t find the carpark to park his car. First look at the cake: It looks really yummy! A fully baked oreo cheesecake that came in a card board box and given a pre-packed sachet of sieve icing sugar, birthday stencil and mini sieve for you to do your own decorations. CUTE!

After picking up the cake, our original plan was to pick up the helium balloons as well before heading to Hard Rock Hotel, then the person from the cake shop told us that the cake should be kept refrigerated else it would turn soft within 2 hours so there was a change of plans instead to head to the hotel first then picking up the balloons.

1430HOURS: After a long drive from Boon Keng area, we finally reached Sentosa and I had to give some driving directions to reach Hard Rock Hotel. Phew, thanks to previous Equarius Hotel experience, I still remembered the way to the hotel else we would be lost again driving around Sentosa and looking for the hotel’s carpark.

1445 HOURS: It took plenty of waiting time in Jordan’s car while he went to smoke because the person that helped him to book the hotel said the room wasn’t ready. We waited… and waited… and out of the blue, Glenda texted us.

“GLAD IS CRYING IN CLASS!” The three of us were practically in shock and Glenda had to comfort her as she was the only one with her. The reason to which why she cried was that Jordan was having his off day and she kind of expect him to pick her up from school and spend the rest of the day with her, counting down to her birthday at the stroke of midnight. Turns out? Jordan had to lie to her that he suddenly had a business deal to attend to and could only meet her at 6pm instead. She got a tad too disappointed and started tearing, I guess?

We event thought of a back-up plan to attempt to ease her but thankfully she thought it through and agree to meet Jordan at 6pm. PHEW! What a relief.

1515 HOURS: The room was finally ready and we headed straight up to the hotel. However, the suite that Jordan booked originally was not available and he was given a Deluxe Twin w Balcony. We were all pretty disappointed as the room was much smaller and despite the downgrade in room size, the price of the room remained at $240/nett. Plus, he wanted a king size bed at least but was give a twin. Disappointed much. I guess the plus point of the room would be the tiny balcony with a pretty view of Sentosa and the moving cable cars and the cruise that was parked at Harbourfront Centre.

1530 HOURS: We headed out to Bugis area to get the helium balloons. The helium balloons cost 20 for $24 and he chose light blue and white to fit into the blue and white theme. Our major worry was that if the 20 balloons could fit into Jordan’s car. Gosh, somehow he managed to stuffed the 20 balloons in with his car mirror view being blocked. And the next question was, how are we going to pick up Glenda and fit her in as well?

img_1354_副本Secretly, I took a snapshot of Jordan carrying 10 of the helium balloons for Glad. He said guys carrying balloons look so gay like going to do wedding proposal like that and from a girl’s perspective, “Oh! This guy is so sweet to be going to surprise her girlfriend, lucky her.”

1630 HOURS: We drove down to City Square Mall to pick up Glenda but before that we went Daiso to buy his blue rose petals to do the bed and picking up some food for the whole day.We have yet to eat anything beside driving around Singapore to get the stuffs for the party though. Meeting Glenda made me happy as well as it had been quite awhile since I last saw her. We chatted alot on the way and Glenda managed to get into the car sharing the back seat with the 20 helium balloons, I guess sometimes being petite is really good. Glenda also joked about how she wanted to be in the car boot as it was much more spacious than seating at the back seat. I wonder if I could actually fit in to the back seat if it was me? (better start losing weight though…)

1720 HOURS: We left for Sentosa to drop everything and Jordan had to speed a little because we spend quite some time at City Square Mall getting food. Each time whenever we stopped at the traffic light, Jordan would pick a piece of sushi and stuff it into his mouth before the red lights turn green again. I could really tell how hungry he was and yet he had to drive around to ensure that things are done according to the plan, so much so that he forgot to bring he polaroids which was supposed to tie to the balloons. It was quite a waste as the idea of tying the polaroid to each strand of the balloon ribbons is such a romantic and sweet idea!

1800 HOURS: Glenda and I were left in the hotel room to do the backdrop for the photobooth later on and we had to push the heavy bed to join them together to become a king size, but mainly to get more space out of the small room. Being the girl that couldn’t resist hunger I was busy eating my KFC rice bucket (I know it contains over 1000 plus calories, FATS FATS. I’ll burn them off later.) and leaving Glenda to do the photobooth of cutting and sticking those crepe papers. Until she started freaking out and yelling, I came over to help her for awhile.

1840 HOURS: Karen finally came and she helped us with the last bits of the photo booth which is to stick them all up! VOILA! It’s completed! Now I could finally enjoy my KFC meal in peace!

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The joy and happiness on my face sipping to my high sugar mountain dew drink while lying on the draw out extra bed at the corner of the room. I couldn’t be more than happy to have completed nearly almost everything and accompanying Jordan while he drive around. It was tiring from all the rushing to get the backdrop and things done, all for my favourite girl, GLAD!

1900 HOURS: We cut the rose petals that Jordan paid for from Daiso as we couldn’t get the ready made fake rose petals so we had to D.I.Y our own by getting those fake rose garlands and cut them into petals ourselves. Thanks to Glenda and Karen, we even cut more than what we needed. Then using my housekeeping expertise, I made a swan bed decorations using the two bath towels and two hand towels that I got from the housekeeping.

img_1368_副本 img_1373_副本I know the swans are far from perfect, but I tried my best since it’s been quite some time since I learn to do the swans back in my internship days. Plus the towels that were given were old towels which had been used quite sometime which is pretty filmsy to be used to do swans. Thanks to the rose petals the whole thing turns out to look good despite the swan head keep drooping down which was pretty irritating. Most importantly, everyone didn’t know that the swans were done by me and thought that it was a complimentary done by the hotel. (which means the swans are of hotel standards, WOOHOO!)

2000 HOURS: Everyone was suppose to have arrived at this timing but they are all late. The three of us got a little irritated as none came early to help us out and now they are late. We had to wait for them and Jordan had to attempt to buy time by bringing Glad to the bar to drink and yet not to make her drunk. GOSH. Since the rest weren’t here yet, Glenda decided to head out to the hotel lift to take photos with the balloons! The hotel lift was beautifully decorated. Thus, we couldn’t resist ourselves from stopping the lift and taking several photos and despite a couple of times bumping into hotel guests who were planning to use the lift. Awkward much! Haha

img_1385_副本 img_1390_副本img_1386_副本img_1388_副本img_1407_副本img_1389_副本img_1391_副本I really love how this photos turn out, they look so pretty like as though they were taken from photoshoot sessions. (Thank you Glenda for taking beautiful photos of me! I know my arms don’t look that good that day as my eczema acted up again and I was struggling with the itch the whole day.)

2115 HOURS: The people weren’t here yet and we were getting restless from the waiting. Oh, we released the balloons already! Look how beautiful they are!

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2135 HOURS: The rest finally came, LIKE FINALLY! Now all we need is to get Jordan to bring Glad up to the room before our mission is ACCOMPLISHED!

2145 HOURS: (ESTIMATED TIMING: I kind of lost track from the time after all the waiting for the late-comers to arrived.) We texted Jordan to bring Glad up and the cue was the 3 knocks from the door and everyone into position with the party poppers and cake! I brought two of her friends to hide in the bathroom with the party poppers to be the first to greet her with the surprise and then the second hiding beside the walls was Glenda and Karen and the rest. We made quite a few noises and suspiciously Glad asked why was there a woman noise. Guess what Glad thought? She wondered if Jordan’s uncle brought a woman to have a rendezvous night in the hotel. Funny MAX! (We had a good laugh about it. Haha!)

Oh yeah, in order to led Glad to the hotel room, Jordan cooked up a lie about Jordan’s uncle working in the hotel and wanted to invite them for a couple of drinks in the room. So that’s how Glad came up with the thought of the uncle having a woman in the room in case you are wondering. Hmmm.

2200 HOURS: I declared that mission is SUCCESS! Now for some party time and birthday photos taking with the pretty girl!

img_1417_副本That’s Jordan and her princess Glad! Look at how lovely the couple is!

img_1431_副本Peace, Glad’s younger sister came to her birthday as well. Look at how cute the sisters are!

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The group aka. Crazy Bitches! (FYI, we all been through the craziest moments together and hence the group name!)

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The birthday girl picking her balloons!

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Double couple, that’s Kylie and her boyfriend on the left. I met Kylie through Glad and turns out she’s from Malaysia and we happen to hit well.

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HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY GLAD!

Turning 20th, you’re growing another year older and perhaps a year wiser. Like I said on your birthday card, I hope you’ll always stay happy and cheerful like the girl I first met at Clarke Quay, pretty, sexy and full of laughter and giggles. Stay confident and lead a life you want to and not to be led my someone else. It’s your 20th year, make it a special one with the graduation that is coming along and to a next milestone in your life.

(PS. That’s my very first kiss to a girl! <3)

(I forgot to do the video in landscape, OOPS)

(Glenda’s version, which captures more of the birthday surprise part.)