7/7 的牢骚

习惯了孤独自我的生活开始让我觉得自己无法容忍他人,是我脾气变差了,还是别人变得无可理喻?

别人把我当作理所当然,把我的生活和工作已他们所知其他的空乘描黑的负面连接在一起,无论我说什么,解释我的一面,他们就只信那扭曲的谣言。

什么空乘在国外风骚,有许多不告人知的秘密,外情,这简直一派胡言!胡说!别人是别人,我是我,我们只是穿着同样的制服,在同样的地方上同样的班,但人却是不一样的人,性格也毕竟不是一样的。他们有他们的选择,他们做他们的决定,管我什么事?他们的国外情事干我何事?

我就只爱吃,泡澡,赖床,健身,睡觉,或到处逛逛,我的国外生活就那么简单,说宅也行,可不信也就罢了,反正我就是那么简单的以为空乘,你们怎能和我跟他人并在一起抹黑事实???

反正朋友圈就是那么稀少了,再少也就这样吧,我也一个人惯了,独自跨国也挺好玩的,挺有满足感的。

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还有呢我还没说完,世上哪有那么好的人,让你吃回头草,却一声也不吭,给你机会却你那三次你都迟到,一次等1小时20分钟,二次等40分钟,三次等1小时10分钟,我的人生从未等过一位伤过你的男生,还等了总3小时10分钟!这等候的时间我可以飞到广州去了!

还没和你算那吃回头草的帐,所谓错过了就是错过了,伤过了就是弥补不回了,可无论怎么弥补多少的伤痕是一定在的,虽然是不能和从前一样,但我还是傻傻地相信,人知错了是能给个改过的机会,可我却不知,我竟然给错了。

我无论有再多的不满,觉得自己似乎像是个备胎似的,他人起初选择了别人,结果别人却是个不专一的人,那过了连一个月都不到,就回头找我,我究竟是疗心处还是备胎车厂?我起初什么也都不说,(就如你们说的,我挑,可我现在证明我一点也没挑呀!)答应了见面,结果就等了1小时20分钟,我竟然傻傻地耐心等,自己到处晃还跑去吃晚餐,吃完了晚餐人都还没出现,但我还耐心地等着。。。我真的有事有那么一点佩服我有多大地度量和等人的耐心。。。真够笨!

但,一次是无意,二次是巧合,三次是故意,到了第三次我爆炸了,见面时间都给他挑,我只是随意罢了,结果我还要等?等等等, 哪有女生等男生的道理?还要等那么久,男生有需要化妆梳发的吗?还是临时出门前大姨妈找上门,需要掉头回去拿苏菲垫底?我真的忍无可忍了,这明明是点不尊重我嘛!迟到那么多次,每次都是借口多多,我真的是火爆了。

我开始觉得我真的有那么的太太太。。。太(x10000) 好了,好得不能再好了,这简直是欺人太甚了!我真的太傻,傻得不能再傻,但这也证明了,我根本没有挑,是他们欺人太盛,我已经到了定线!

一个人就一个人,我不想再被欺!

再来一遍

我最近真的是烦得不能在烦。

我就是不明白为什么朋友们都叫我改变自己,变来变去,难道就不能做我自己吗?

我真的很讨厌这社会那么现实,只注重他人的外表,以别人的外表而判断一个人的性格,为人。

我本来以为我其实真的有问题,但越飞越久,和同性恋的男生接触久后,他们的自信和生活的态度,让我感到十分佩服,非常值得学习。

我要从新再来,把我的朋友圈子里不该留回忆的人都全都删掉,忘了。

我想如果一直徘徊在过去的回忆里而不选择走出去,我只会越来越烦,只会痴心妄想,想些已不可能发生的事实了。

已放弃,已后悔的选择都也做了,只有勇敢地接受,才能往前走。。。

好吧,我下定决心了!

Sometimes

Sometimes I wish I did better.

Sometimes I wish I was a better person.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t a coward.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t an introvert.

Sometimes I wish I had the courage to make my decisions.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t this hesitant.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t this independent.

Sometimes I wish I could be more clingy.

Sometimes I wish I could care a little less bout others.

Sometimes I wish I could be more selfish towards myself.

Sometimes I wish I could be more self-centered.

Sometimes I wish I was born to be the opposite me.

Sometimes, I wish that everything would just start afresh,

and this sometimes just never seem to be able to happen.

 

 

4 months into flying

Ok, officially reached the 4months mark into flying. I’m not particularly thrilled over flying now, that I have reached 4 months, nearly 2 more months till probation ends if everything goes well.

Everyone has been asking been, how’s flying? How’s your flying life? Seriously, I will reply, up in the airplane, mundane and shitty. AND LAYOVERS? Fantastic and fabulous, lovin’ it.

AND WHY?

It must be the passengers. Haha nah you are so so so wrong about it.

Anyway, I’m thankful for the passengers at times, they really saved me for a lot from bad flights and maybe I have been in the hospitality industry for quite awhile, and the one hospitality motto that I learnt was to “treat others the way you want to be treated” and it has always been in my head no matter what, because it has never gone wrong till today.

And guess what, apparently most people disliked china flights because of the passengers but still I really like them for it’s really easy to engage in a conversation with them. They would ask alot about airlines and air attendants life and it’s always interesting to share with them little things that they would go “wow” and “oh” and helping them with their curiosity, it makes my day happier when they leave with a smile or a “谢谢” when they walk pass my door upon disembarkation.

Then again, I’m always having bad luck because I rarely get rostered to a china flight, my first and second month, I had none, and then I prayed so hard and finally I got 2, and then on this fourth month, I only had 1 and where do I frequent most? Australia and India and Saudi Arabia, they aren’t my cup of tea because I always have trouble speaking in English, while doing service, like my brain just doesn’t seem to be willing to process English quickly. It always take me like at least 5 seconds to digest one instruction in English, which is terrible. I have been trying really hard to speak English but ends up forever failing…oh wells, 2 more months till I can swap flights! Then I shall get swap away all other flights for just China.

Ok, I’m seriously a China fan here. I love their rich culture and history, and I feel so at ease down there, like as though I live there long long time ago, or maybe I do…hmm… But anyway, food in china is awesome, although they do have a weird smell but just put the food in your mouth, and bamn! That’s when magic works, the food would taste usually surprisingly delicious! And of course, the gyms in China hotels are well, amazingly fantastic. Like a downsize version of legit public gyms in Singapore, and well nobody gyms, so you get the whole entire gym to yourself! How awesome!

And I always do that satisfy my tummy first and then burn those sinful calories in the gym and that’s why I really like China that much.. Hahaha. 😛

Then again, there is so much happening and going on from june onwards and I don’t know how things will be like, I’m hoping for some good changes at least… *fingers crossed*

 

 

空荡荡的

最近老是忙着飞来飞去,往不同地国家奔跑,也忙着去找时间学钢管舞和健身,不然就是睡觉(不知怎么了,老是觉得很疲倦,大概时差和半夜班机的关系吧。)我总觉得时间不够用。

可当我在国外休息时或自己独自去走走时,才发现原来我又似乎的一点点不快乐。

我总会想起一些往事,我总觉得开始有点后悔放弃一些或许当时觉得是不好的东西,可不知是年龄大了,开始觉得或许如果当时没放下那些东西和事物,结局又会是如何的,或许我不会是空荡荡的一个人,或许我现在拥有两全其美的美梦。

但如果因害怕空荡荡的结果而选择了坚持和忍耐,我又会快乐吗?

嗨。。。烦死我了啦!

其实为什么要想那么多?

我自个也开始矛盾了。选择了,做出了决定,那就成定局了,何必在想些毫无意义的东东?

可在大多数的情况下,我始终还是觉得非常的空。

因麽嚒的离别我选择了当空姐,为了能在天空中飞行,能和她有更进一步的距离,但最大的原因还是为了逃避,逃避新加坡,逃避这个冷清的家,逃避这个现实。

有时当我坐在那空姐的宝座时,面对这乘客我不知不觉就会开始想:

  • 如果看见了老奶奶和她们的孙子坐在一块,我就会幻想如果奶奶还在,或许我现在或明天能拿假期带她出国游玩世界,那是我从小以来的梦想,长大后要用尽一切回报她用心把我带大。
  • 如果看见了双双对对的情侣,我就会开始觉的我为什么那么傻,选择了放弃而不厚着脸皮地去追,活着已经全力而不后悔的思想,或许现在不会是我一个人了。
  • 如果看见了一群朋友,我就会想,我的朋友个个都去哪了?怎么,我老是一个人,我就近是否真的有朋友?

其实,我不知道为什么要选择了活着追求生命的意义。至今年年过了一年,我始终还放不下我的阴影,也放不下对麽麽的思念,我老是觉得空荡荡的,不知活着到底实在为什么而活?毫无目标,人生计划地活着,我究竟是要如何地过日?

快乐是那么的短暂。。。

我不知是要感激你还是要怨恨你,但就因为你让我留下了许多美好的回忆,多得让我把恨和泪水都人间蒸发了。

或许我就是依然的那么的傻,但我还是要说声谢谢。

我真的很感激能认识你,特别是在我最需要鼓励和支持的时刻,你都在那里,每天都鼓励我要加油,就因如此,从我第一天开始我空姐训练课程直到我的一次的航程,因为有你的鼓励我才没有放弃,虽然天天都抱怨着和有想放弃的念头,但最终我坚持了到现在。

我们拥有非常相似的家庭背景和兴趣,似乎有聊不完的话题,我也不知道为什么,就有那邻家男生的风范,让我第一次遇见你时就没有那么尴尬,非常的亲切,好像在哪早已认识似的,或许就是这样,我开始渐渐的依赖你多以点,一点一点就变得很多,不知不觉,你变成我人生的一部分。

2016年是我一次,有人陪伴过圣诞,我感觉好幸福,好快乐,好像年年的圣诞愿望终于成真了。

我的第一次,能舒舒服服,靠着个男生看电影,让我感觉好像个小女生似的。

我的第一次,你带我去溜冰,我随意也就答应了,结果穿上溜冰鞋后开始大后悔,但有你的鼓励和你的辅佐,我也紧紧地,牢牢地牵着你的手,踏进了溜冰场。溜冰场的冷风有你温暖的手也便的暖和了起来。那一天我是多么的高兴,以为能真的牵着你的手走下去,不会再让我跌倒,结果却不是想象的一样。但,我非常感激你,谢谢你的鼓励和陪伴,让我尝试了我22年来不敢尝试的玩意。

你对女生的单纯,的尊重,让我相信了世上其实是有好男生的。

对不起,我暂时无法放弃我的空姐生活,回去学院当学生,我已爱上了四海为家,流浪天涯的生活,可我也已努力尝试找时间陪伴你,但你也不够满足,因为你自己也忙着追求自己的梦想。可是,我也记得那一天,我在印度的早晨,你让我崩溃了,心痛极了,要不是有工作能麻醉我的那个伤痛,和空姐朋友们的鼓励叫我振作,我想我可没那么容易的放下,熬过来。

她们告诉了我要学会感激,拿得起放的下,放开心怀,因为选择了追求空姐的梦,就有些留不住的东西,就必须放下,这样才能快乐一点。

我反反复复常常在飞机起飞和降落的时候,都在反省,就在那天津的航班,我终于想通了。

谢谢你,让我留下了许多美好的第一次的回忆,但我这个傻大姐还是要继续拉着我的行李箱到世界各地。

祝你快乐 🙂

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TPE on Annual Leave

I was supposedly to return on the noon of 1st January and had plenty of time before my impromptu flight to TPE that same day’s midnight but because Jeddah had a massive delay due to customs slow procedures and first availability of aircraft we were delayed over and over again and even worst, the bad weather extended the flight time and we ended up landing at almost to 6pm in the evening. It was so rushed for me as I had to go home and unpacked my stuff and repack them and head back to the airport.

I hadn’t slept for the entire night and what’s worst was we exceeded our flight duty time of 13hours and could in fact stepped down but everyone wanted to go home, so we persevere and flew on a completely FULL flight with no available seats for crew rest so I ended up dozing off on the plane once stepped on board and slept through the flight till I landed in TPE.

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Thanks to this set of lovely crews who made Jeddah possible. ❤

After landing in TPE, the first thing I went was the 7-eleven at the airport to grab my japanese rice ball and chun cui he before taking the coach down to Taipei! I was way to early for check in so I left my luggage at the hotel and went out walking around XimenDing for breakfast before heading to underground mall at Taipei Main Station for shopping.

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It was pretty early and most shops had yet to open. I was really blessed to be back here. So much memories of the good and the bad.

I went cosmetics shopping too at Watsons. They had so much stuffs and especially the eyeshadows. LOVE IT!

Guess what I bought at the underground mall? Furry pyjamas and umbrella haha! Don’t ask me why I buy umbrella from Taiwan because they have the prettiest umbrellas as compared to sg’s. Hehe

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See the racks full of drinks and those cun chui he bottles are calling my name! Pls buy me haha

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I had these for supper on my first night in Taipei, you should totally try the Taiwan fruit beers they are really tasty and of course that gooey Mister Cheese potato!!!!!!! They are heavenly if shared haha, too much for me but I finished the entire portion. I’m on my way to become ah buiii …

Free breakfast buffet at the hotel lobby, I took a bowl of my favourite Lu Rou Fan. Who eats fat meat for breakfast? Me!

It was pretty chilly in Taiwan so I was donned on with layers of clothes and because I missed pole so badly, I decided to attend a walk-in pole class at Young Aerial Dance Studio which was within walking distance from the mrt. They taught me plenty of tricks and one of them was the brass monkey. The teacher was nice and I paid quite an affordable price (NTD399) for walk-in. I really love it, I would go there again if I had the chance to fly to Taipei again hopefully as one of my layover stays.

I bought these for supper for my day 2 night, Seaweed Mayo big sotong! It was super delicious, you guys should try it!

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This was my last day’s breakfast in the hotel. Nothing fantastic but it fills your tummy.

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Arashi ramen before I call it the last meal of my Taipei getaway!

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Ok, so apparently I was late for my flight again. This time it was because the bus that was suppose to go to the airport the terminal had shifted and plus there is now only one bus company that provide coach service from Taipei Main Station to airport and the queue was insanely long. I had to queue and the bus had terrible jams on the way and I reached 10 minutes after the boarding had closed. And thank god because I had crew pass, I could use the priority boarding and the staff gave face because I was a crew. Else I would be in deep shit as I had a long chennai turn the next day and the next flight was in the morning.

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The insanely amount of stuff I bought from like bath salts that I could use during my china layovers and masks and oh, I should totally recommend you guys this cosmetic brand called Miss Hana! I love their lippies as they last very very long and they are available only at 86 Shop, there is 2 of such shops in XiMenDing, not sure about the other locations, perhaps you might need to google.

It was a pretty fruitful stay in Taipei I have to admit even though it was really short, but it was much needed after all the flying and having to serve passengers, I needed to be a passengers and be served too! Ok, and travelling solo has gotten me way addicted than before. I love the huge queen/king bed and a whole hotel room to myself, no more having to bunk in with the crews or having to share a room. I could blast my own music, dance to the music to myself and of course, no one will laugh at me for being such a clown.

I truly can’t wait for the next solo trip. xoxo