Flashbacks of 21st

I was just trying to free up my phone’s memory space a few days ago, and I realized I have not posted photos about my 21st birthday that happened a year ago, a week before my solo travel to Hong Kong even though I have already shared my HKventures with you guys.

Actually, I did this intentionally because I refused to accept that I was celebrating my 21st without Ah Ma, you know how much she meant the whole world to me and that her, passing away 5days before my birthday is a torture to me because when I know my birthday is coming, it meant that it’s another year gone without her in my life.

And of course, that day when I did my 21st birthday, it was just a tiny weeny birthday celebration that despite everyone tried to be happy and coax me into smiling, I was on the verge of tears every single moment. You know how empty I felt when Ah Ma should have been standing beside me during cake-cutting, photo-taking and smiling at me, telling me that I’ve grown up?

Eventually at the end of the whole celebration, Glad and Karen stayed over with me, and I broke down crying in the tub, sobbing really badly because I missed Ah Ma alot. Glad came to the tub and comforted me while Karen was sleeping soundly. I couldn’t pick myself up and although it was a joyous occasion, it felt like a torment for me trying to be happy when I couldn’t at all. But since everyone held a party for their 21st inviting their friends and family to share the joy, I feel complied to do so, but just a small one.

Here’s the series of events that happened that day:

  • Karen droved and we went to picked up the cake and got some groceries done.
  • Met Glad at Marina Mandarin as Glad have already checked in. (We changed room thrice because the room was not to our liking.)
  • Headed to the pool for a swim
  • Siru and Yunteng came and helped with the deco. Then so did Glenda.
  • Subsequently the rest came and we cut cake
  • Followed by drinking session
  • And the post drinking session at Fern & Kiwi at Clarke Quay
  • END…

We were mimicking Glenda’s favourite pose back then because she was late.

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We didn’t really stayed in the pool for long, it was just a quick tanning and some girls’ talk.

Back then when Glad and I were still very closed, here’s us with absolutely no makeup.

Glad even did my makeup for me and Felicia drawed my eyeline, I was a total make-up fail back then. 😦

With Felicia 🙂

Pam came with her boyfriend and she’s probably the only poly friend that still kept in contact with me after Ah Ma passed on where I totally shut myself in my own world.

Yunteng, she’s probably one of the longest friend that I still kept in contact after years.

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A beautiful shot of the cake with an instax of Pam and me.

(If you actually notice bumps and pockets of air in the fondant, that was because of the poor handling that us inexperienced fondant cake handlers did, by putting the cake in the fridge. HAHA 😛 )

The backdrop didn’t turn out well because I cut it too finely and turns out to be pretty ghostly then elegant, oh wells 😀

It was just a really simple simple 21st, unlike everyone else fancy table setup, but still I was actually pretty thankful that it happened, even if I had to force a smile for photos.

This pose probably look super awkward, but the girls were standing so far apart from me but I had no choice but to cling on to their arms for a group photo.

I still love this the most because after my birthday, Glenda left for Aussie for her studies and since then the clique went on separate ways and we hardly met together anymore. 😦

And some of the girls gave me kisses ❤

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And I shall end this post here, with a happy pic with Glad. 😀

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DAD watches porn?

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Yes that was exactly my expression when I saw it. I couldn’t believe it! It was a complete utter shock and surprise to me. You know how chinese parents are always discreet and refrain talking to us children about romance, relationship and sexuality…and of course we have our own ways to getting to know them but catching your dad watching soft porn in the living room big tv openly is a major disgust. I’m a daughter, I’m not a son. If I were a son, I’ll probably be completely cool with it as I’m a guy. But I’m not!!!

This hasn’t been the first time already, I’ve catch him doing several times but this time he was too engrossed in it when I happened to came out of my room and pass by the living room. The big tv screen that I’m used to watching my melodrama ends up screening a completely naked young woman touching herself. I was speechless! How am I suppose to react? My dad is I think in his early sixties, and although we are never close nor talked, I still address him as dad as a formality but I can’t believe an old man whom is also a dad watching soft porn in the living room OPENLY OPENLY OPENLY?!?! Are you kidding me…

Ok, I know you are probably saying I’m making a big fuss. I apologize for that because I’m still completely in shock as I’m typing this post. Well, I know he is a man and sexually he has his needs and her wife is probably at the age of menopause so I guess sexually they are less active as they aged and especially a menopause woman has really bad temper and have little to no sexual desires, which is not adequate to satisfy my dad (because he is watching soft porn which he has never done it before when I was a kid).

Honestly, I’m totally cool with him watching porn or doing his own deeds, but I would really appreciate that he watch it discreetly in a confined room that no one can access to, you know like toilet? The worst part is, I don’t know how to approach him on this matter because we never really spoke to each other before but each time this incident is happening, I just feel really uncomfortable and the worst part is I have to pretend that I saw nothing and walk off coolly to the kitchen to get my supper fix. ARGH!

Somebody, please tell me what to do? 😦

竹篮打水一场空

她和我比,我与她比。

何日才能安定过日?

我不想再当个比较了,

我就想静静地过日子。

说我无才,说我无息,我也罢了。

反正在如何努力,给谁看呢?

如今努力是否真为我好,我也看不透了。

毕竟我就是那么的傻,说我心思单纯,也许有九分真。

只那一分为保全自己罢了。

我其实很害怕,是我的终究会是我的,不是我的,

你抢了去,我便给你也罢。

何苦呢?

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REVIEW: Maggi 5 Minute Cup

I’m actually a pretty big fan of instant food, not that I’m unable to cook some proper meal but the preparation and washing up are really hectic and tiring. Especially when I’m only cooking for myself, thinking about all the effort I have to put in to whip up something healthy, it just makes me feel a little lazy.

Recently, during my grocery shopping trip in Fairprice Xtra, I noticed there’s a new instant food product on the shelves in the instant noodles section. They are the Maggi 5 Minute Cup which come in 3 flavours- Broccoli Fettuccine, Mushroom Cream Fettuccine and Tomato Sauce Spaghetti. Interestingly, this is probably the first time I’m seeing pasta in the form of cup noodles and being a pasta lover, I couldn’t resist myself from grabbing 2 of them to give it a try. Instant pasta, it’ll definitely save me a lot of time compared to whipping up a plate of proper pasta meal and yet at the same time, I can satisfy my pasta craving. AWESOME!

I wasn’t a fan of broccoli fettuccine so I gave it a miss and grab these two instead. Honestly, the cups are pretty tiny, which can’t really fill you up as a proper meal unless you consume 2 cups but they make pretty good instant breakfast, snack or supper or when you want something less filling.

The lid of the pasta cup was made of aluminium instead of the usual plastic looking cover which makes it really easy to tear when opening the cup. Oops, I tore the one on the right by accident. Anyway, the pasta and the powder mix are all done up nicely in the cup, so you don’t have to fumble with opening the plastic flavoring sachet like most instant noodles are packed. All you need is to boil some real hot water, pour it in and wait for a good 5 mins before your pasta is done!

IMG_8811 This one is the tomato sauce spaghetti, I added some crabstick to my pasta if you could spot some red bits. The spaghetti strands are unlike the normal spaghetti, they are hollow like a tiny tube and after 5mins of the “cooking” time, some strand of the spaghetti were still uncooked despite using hot boiling water. I had to recook the spaghetti using a small pot. Some extra effort was spent, oh wells. Anyway, the taste was similar to Maggi Ketchup with a little hint of herb flavor, else it was just mainly too salty and sweet. I’ll probably give it a miss if I were you.

The mushroom fettuccine, I love it. There were really tiny bits of mushroom in it and the sauce was creamy and thick. It was super delicious for an instant cup pasta, and the flavour wasn’t as overwhelming and chocking like the tomato sauce spaghetti one. The fettuccine cooks pretty well maybe because it’s smaller, as compared to the spaghetti. I would totally recommend you guys to try this and maybe give the broccoli one a shot as well. It was really good.

I’m hoping that Maggi would come up with more interesting instant cup pastas so that there’s more options for us to choose from! 😀

PS… ONE MONTH LATER,  I finally tried the Broccoli Fettuccine and damn, I was so wrong about it.

It’s as good as the mushroom fettuccine and you could see plenty of broccoli bits in it and I love how creamy it is. It’s probably had the almost identical recipe as the mushroom fettuccine probably minus that mushroom flavour and bits. Ok, so I really have to take back my words, YOU SHOULD TOTALLY TRY THIS ONE TOO!!!

Honestly, sometimes I wish they came in bigger size too because it’s around $1.95SGD for one tiny cup and I’m so not full or near satisfied after finishing one cup though… 😦

Thank You

To my GBF (Guy-Best-Friend),

(I know I have been blocked on all your facebook, instagram and even whatsapp, and I don’t know if you are ever gonna read this, but I would still want to thank you for that night.)

Thank you for that help and spending the whole night over the phone to console me when you have school the next day and having a hard-to-handle girlfriend that might be pretty risky to actually be helping me that much. You have been probably the best that I could ever have and knowing you was truly a blessing.

Thank you for being that shiny black knight in armor, although I won’t know when I would ever meet my charming prince, thanks for helping me find out what happen and saved me from another possible worse heartbreak from him (whom I thought was really my prince charming, I know I was an absolute fool.)

Thank you for helping me get it clear, cheering me up and motivating me to get up again. Whatever that you said and what Uncle Dave said to me are exactly almost the same thing. I shouldn’t let a guy that I love to convince me to give up on my passion, pole-dancing and he should accept me for who I am. You guys were right.

You have been a really good friend for the past one year plus and even though you are busy with work and girlfriend, yet you would always drop me concerning text, festive messages and wishes which is probably something I’m really happy to receive because I have no one who actually cared about me in the house since grandma left me.

I really had no intentions of disturbing you but still I’m thankful for having such a good friend even though my connections of knowing that you are doing well is completely cut. You have been my motivator and a truly excellent adviser and I hope you’ll be well.

(Ps. I know I’m super duper awfully sad to lose a friend because I don’t have much friends as I’m an absolute introvert but I guess this is just part and parcel of life. Who knows someday I might just meet again in the streets…)

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To Myself

How many times have it happened?

You never learn your lesson, do YOU?

Why are you so gullible?

Why are you so trusting?

Why are you so silly?

You should have held on and guard your heart with all your means.

Now, you’re hurt again.

It was a major disappointment.

Would you ever just wake up to your senses and not harbor any thoughts of happiness?

Happiness is not yours to keep.

You are born to be a slave, tortured by the reality of life.

Life will never get better not matter how hard you try to make it right.

It never will.

And yes, you should just give up on hope.

I hate myself.